God’s love

100% Responsible

/ Jana / Leave a comment

Do you ever have those relational upheavals that make you tired? Whether it is your mate,  your family or friends, do you hit one of those emotional oil slicks where everyone goes crashing into each other, and all the parties end up in the relationship hospital?

Sounds likes a lot of drama doesn’t it? But it happens, it really does. You can’t say the right thing, he/she can’t say the right thing, and before you know it, it’s emotional ICU, either Chaos or Ice City. Not pretty.

I am assuming you can connect the dots about why this is my chosen topic. But I am finding out (again!) that the Lord does this for several reasons.

Temperature Check

The Lord lets us bump into each other to see what spills out. It is a temperature check to see how our hearts are really doing. If I blow a gasket over something small, it could be there is a deeper issue.  Just like fever indicates infection, our reactions indicate lack of forgiveness, unresolved hurt, need for grace. Sunday morning, Rick Dunn made this great comment, “When you have a need, it shows that you are not a god, but you need one. Which God will you turn to?”  When I sense I have a relationship fever, what medicine will I seek?  Coping and denial? Or humility and restoration?

Tutoring

Relationship crashes make us better relational drivers. It only takes a couple of fender benders, or a major accident, to make you a more conscious driver. I see in my relationships that I sometimes act like a drunk driver, all over the road, ignoring signs, crashing into guardrails. I am DUI, driving under the influence of something other than the Holy Spirit. Being selfish, hard hearted, determined to be right, lacking boundaries, all of these are sure to deter my (and your) ability to properly handle a relationship. Just like the road, our relationships need yellow lines, no passing zones, and concrete dividers.  For our good and the good of others. God uses these moments to teach us how to define and defend boundaries.

Tenderize

Finally, these pile ups help to tenderize our hearts, drawing them back to God.  When we see the messes we have made, we go back to the Relationship Expert. We tap into His love, His mercy, His DESIRE for us to walk in health. He stirs a desire that we be rightly connected to Him and to others. He does that. And then He begins to create change by revealing truth, again and again. Truth: I can only change ME, rather than trying to change another person. It is in this posture before His unfailing love, that He tells me I am 100% responsible for me. Truth: I am 100% responsible for my behavior, attitudes and heart. I can’t change or fix another person. They can’t change or fix me.  But the flip side is, I can change with the Holy Spirit’s help, how I react and relate, even how I love someone else.  Even in this, loving someone, God is the source. Truth: He is 100% responsible to transform you and I into the ways of Christ. He will complete the good work He began in us.

“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.” 1 John 4:7

I Hate Object Lessons

/ Jana / 2 Comments

So I am teaching a marriage retreat this weekend. And if that isn’t scary enough, I got in a huge fight with Chuck this past weekend.  Here is what happened.

We are preparing for Charis’ birthday party Saturday morning. Yes, I said six little girls in their favorite dress up costumes complete with those loud clacking plastic dress up shoes. Did I mention that I have wood floors? And cathedral ceilings? Did I also mention that in some insane moment I purchased those roll out blowers as favors? You know the ones – they coil up into a mouthpiece. You blow into the mouthpiece and the coil rolls out and honks like a duck.

Yeah. Multiply that times 6 and add clacking heels.

Anyway, before all this drama, we were blitzing the house. (I have to say I love how Chuck and I work together. But hold on for the rest of the story.)

Charis was understandably excited and didn’t want to clean her room. So I threw out some merry little quip about “a cheerful heart doeth good like medicine.”  Choose to work with a good attitude, I said.  And we continued our blitz.

But somewhere over the morning, I lost my own cheerful heart.  I was stressing out, there was too much to do, and if I am painfully honest, Chuck wasn’t doing it the way I wanted it done.

I began IMploding first. Do you know what I mean by this? Grumbling and swearing, complaining and whining, all silently – but internally boiling. Then I began EXploding. Lots of me-centered comments. I have to, I don’t have, I want, I need… And on top of that, I began excusing myself  about why I was exploding. “I just need to vent and get this out,” I explained loudly. (Read: yelling). Was that supposed to somehow justify my behavior?

Deep in my spirit, I heard the words I had said to Charis. A cheerful heart, Jana, is like medicine.  But I sent that medicine flying. I didn’t want to get well. I wanted to be mad.

Standing at the sink, fuming, I made an attempt to get a hold of myself. I bit the bullet and went back to Chuck. My apology was lame, lame, lame. “I know that I am wrong, and I know that God is going to convict me sooner or later, so I am just getting this over with now and apologizing,” I snapped and went back to my chores.  I don’t  know what I thought that was going to accomplish, because my heart was still boiling.

In response, Chuck  put on a worship CD and before I could complain, I heard the words to the song that randomly came on:

“Praise God from who all blessings flow.
Praise Him all creatures here below.
Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts.
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost. Amen.”

“Will you praise Me for your blessings, Jana?”

“Yes, Lord,” I said begrudgingly, “but You have to change my heart to do it.”

Charis came into the room and said, “Mama, why are you being so grumpy?”

“Mama is having a bad day; we all have bad days don’t we? Well today is Mama’s day,” I said. I had just excused myself AGAIN.  And that was it. The conviction fell. The Spirit said, “No, it’s not a bad day. It’s sin. At least call it what it is.”

I went and found Charis and cupped her little face in my hands. “Mama is not having a bad day. I have sin in my heart. Will you forgive me?”

Same drill for Chuck minus the cupped face. They were both happy to forgive because none of us wanted to waste our day and hearts like that.

And it’s so funny, the rest of the day turned around. Everything got done. Everyone, even me, enjoyed the party.

It is no wonder that the Bible says, “God gives grace to the humble, but opposes the proud.” Did you hear that?  I can either have His help, or He’ll love me enough
to fight against me. He’s that determined to have my heart. Hmmm. That would be a no brainer.

“God, thank You for your unconditional love, even when I screw up royally. Thank You that it is You that causes me to want to humble myself. Thank You for Your loving grace. Amen.”

So Take A Step. . .

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“Nothing is impossible with You
Nothing is impossible.
Nothing is impossible with You,
You hold my world in your hand.

I believe that you’re my healer,
I believe you’re my everything
Jesus you’re all I need.”

This song, Healer by Kari Jobe, is what the Lord woke me up with this morning. I love that. I love Him. I love that I can be running around inside my own head screaming, or sitting in a corner sucking my thumb (figuratively, of course) and He cares enough to encourage and soothe and inspire me.

I don’t know if you have seen the movie, The Count of Monte Cristo (2002), but among many great quotes is one made by the dying priest. They are both serving life imprisonments and nearing completion of an escape tunnel. After a mortal wounding, the priest bequeaths his hidden fortune to Dantes. The pious priest instructs the wrongly imprisoned Edmond Dantes to not waste his pending freedom by committing the crimes he was unjustly serving time for. Bent on revenge, Dantes says he will surely do that very thing.

The priest says to Dantes, “Here is your final lesson – do not commit the crime for which you now serve the sentence. God said, ‘Vengeance is mine’.”

Dantes retorts, ” I don’t believe in God.”

“It doesn’t matter. He believes in you,” the priest said.

Why would God believe in us? Why would He go to such lengths to strengthen and spur us on to good works? There are obvious world needs that demand intervention. But on a more personal level, I think it is a multi-layer answer. When you or I hear His still small voice and respond, He is delighted that we recognize Him.  When you or I recognize Him and attempt something beyond our little world, He is delighted that we acknowledge His power, His presence, His glory. When we acknowledge Him, we see Him more fully, and thus we see us more fully. He wins. We win.

Just now I am reminded of Psalm 147: 10-11

His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of a man;the LORD delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.

We hope in Him, we trust, depend, expect, desire, stretch, wrestle, and decide on Him.  How can you love that which is never known?  How can you trust that which is never tested? And how can you grow faith if it is never required?

All this to say, we are sending in our $100 deposits for two seats to Zimbabwe. Nothing is impossible with You.

Times with God

/ Jana / 3 Comments

I seem to be having multiple conversations that all direct back to one question: “How do I get to know God better?”

Before I go there, I want to talk about the WHY of getting to know God better. Most of our most broken, hurting, missing, longing places all need the love of God.  We talked about this last night at WGR.  We are the Beloved.  But we must allow ourselves to Be Loved. The more we let that truth soak into our spirits, the more our hearts, minds and lives will be changed.  So to be loved, is to spend time with someone who loves us. God.

Now on the HOW to do this, and there are several possible answers. Not a right answer, but just like with your friends, there are lots of ways to spend time with your Friend. Lover. Father. Husband.

Worship is a powerful way to soak on the truths of God, who He is, what He is like, and who He likes (hint: you). It may involve music, dance, art, nature, reading scripture aloud.  If I had to sum up the word worship it would be to experience the beauty of God with your whole being.

So take music, for example. When I worship with music, I sing, I listen, I think about the words, I move my body to the rhythms.  I encounter God.  Different than being in a bar, which is escape. All this energy is focused on hearing and knowing Him more, better. Same with exploring nature, or  reading scripture. There is an expectation of hearing from God.

The Bible says that God inhabits the praises of His people. He lives with them. So I sing either out loud or in my heart a lot. I sometimes use CDs, and sometimes I just hum the song that He has got running through my head. There have been times that I have ‘sat’ on a song for about a week. Listening again and again until I believe all that it says.

Another way to get to know God is to read and write. Read your Bible and books that explain the Bible. And write down the prayers and encounters that you have with God. Over time, you begin to see answered prayers, areas that God is changing, and dreams beginning to take shape.  Never underestimate the power of reading the Bible. Hebrews 4:12 says “For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” I have scripture everywhere, on my walls, calendars, post its, you name it. It helps me think about what He thinks about more.

Look at the Bible as a love letter, a medicine kit, a mirror, and a Counselor all rolled into one. I read Proverbs and Psalms almost daily, and then hit other books of the Bible as the Spirit leads.  In case you don’t know this, there are 31 Proverbs. So if you read one chapter of Proverbs a day, at the end of the month you will have read them all.  And you will grow in wisdom.

Finally, spend time with Him the way you would a friend. Make a date. Instead of placing a call during drive time, call on Him. Talk as you’re working on something. Just begin the conversation. My favorite times are when I can talk out loud. He shows me the lies I am believing when I can hear myself say them.  Just pursue Him in your flavor. Enjoy the time with Him. Oh yes, if you get a middle of the night wake-up call, get up. He wants to talk to you!

No Exchanges, No Returns

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An unplanned baby is not always a  welcomed gift.  It is not a gift you can return, or use once and then pass on to Goodwill. For sure you cannot “re-gift” a baby. And even if you felt the overwhelming glee of something “new,” changing diapers and wearing spit up would douse those warm fuzzies pretty quick.

Which makes me wonder what Mary thought.  Do you ever ponder the reality of Jesus as a baby?  I know we get all wrapped up in the story of them, but let’s make it more real than that.  When they were getting up in the middle of the night, or trying to figure out how to be married and parent the Son of God, did they ever just flat have a meltdown?

It is much easier, though still taxing, to love a child you long for. But a child that is thrust upon you, perhaps is a different story.

We went to the Living Christmas Tree last night.

Two years ago, Charis accepted Christ at this event, so it holds a sentimental place for us. But last night  as we sat on the side we could see much of the before and after happenings of each scene.  Mary and Joseph were about to enter stage left and a woman walked briskly up to them, laid Baby Jesus in Mary’s arms and walked away.  This very young woman’s eyes widened and she cuddled and jostled him, trying to position him so that he wouldn’t cry. Then they entered the spotlight and the camera zoomed in on Baby Jesus.

Well, first let me just say that I was glad Baby Jesus was a real baby. (See post Plastic Baby Jesus.) But second, the absolute magnitude of God in the form of an infant hit me radically differently this year. He was vulnerable, at risk, 100% needy, and not necessarily a “wanted child.”

I was overwhelmed at how God timed everything so perfectly, but also all that God entrusted to this young couple, even to us.  He was so confident in His ability in them to complete this world changing plan. It wasn’t about THEIR perfection, but God’s sustaining power.

Hmmmm. Let me see, what was that petty thing I was worrying about again?  If God can handle His Son being in the hands of humans like me, maybe He can handle my freak out too.

In a round about way, seeing Jesus up close on the screen made me think about giving gifts. Sometimes you just buy what you can afford. Sometimes you buy what you hope they will like. But sometimes you buy what you know is an absolute home-run gift.  That person has either expressed need or interest or you just know that they will be delighted at your thoughtfulness, effort or expense.

God really set the perfect model for gift giving. He knew not only we needed—salvation, forgiveness, but also we desperately wanted— unfailing relationship, eternal peace, unshakable hope.  And sparing no expense, He packed all this into one tiny little package.

So my question today is, how are you receiving His Gift this Christmas?

Let Earth Receive Her King – Part III

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So through the surprise birthday bash, God has shown me that He can be trusted with the desires of my heart (Part 1), and that I have to learn to receive good from His hand through others (Part 2). And He is still revealing. So here is Part 3.

At the party, Chuck Spicka leaned over and whispered something in my ear and I looked at him wide-eyed and panicked.

It was the same reaction when Lyschel Burket made the announcement in the WGR class.

“We want to do Birthday Blessings for Jana.”

My body went into immediate shock: heart racing, pits sweating, hands clinching and feet positioned in the “Swim away, swim away” mode. To further the conflict, in my heart of hearts I did have honest desires, needs and wants. But I didn’t know how to approach our Giving God with hope and expectation for me personally and interact with the human race at the same time. I was in a pickle. Can’t run. Don’t want to miss it.

And then came the Birthday Blessings. If you are not familiar with it, it is a time each year to give words of thanks, blessing, and affirmation. We saw this sweet tradition acted out in the Michalik family and were so blown away by the beauty of loving words that we immediately began it our own family.

Here is how it works: family and friends each take a turn and tell the “Blessee” what they like, how they have been impacted, what they love about that person. One time a year to pour in grace and truth. It is so, so fun to do. I mean really, how often do you purposely take a few minutes and just tell someone that you are with on a daily or regular basis what you really love and appreciate? We are so impacted by others as we share life, but rarely tell them just how much their presence influences us.

Anyway. To do this with family and close friends is one thing. But doing it with a broader circle of friends is quite another. And did I mention that to be the “Blesser” is radically being different that being the “Blessee”? We just aren’t conditioned to receive praise and love like that. Well most of us aren’t. My youngest daughter on her birthday said, “Hey are you all done eatin’? I am ready to have my birthday blessings! Bring on the blessin’s!” But she is an unusual case. Or is it that she is the normal one, and the rest of us have just had all of the desire and need for affirmation beaten out of us…?

When it was all done at both events, my heart was swelling. If you knew how many years I had spent alone, or crying, or rejected. If you knew how many birthdays had passed by, just begging the Lord to bless me in the middle of my isolation, then you would know just how rich was that drink of water. It was amazing to hear these beautiful words pouring over me, washing me and watering me, all the while having an internal conversation with God at the same time.

“Steady,” He would say. “Steady, just receive.”
“But Lord, this is crazy. I feel so awkward. This is about you, not me,” I would protest.
“It is still about Me. I put that love in them, for you. I am loving you through them.”
“But what if they reject me later?”
“Jana, today, receive the gift of today,” He said.
When someone would say something that seemed over the top, putting me in too high of a position, I would flinch and object.
But He would whisper, “Just be loved. I will correct the course.”

Just be loved.

Chuck asked me what was the most important thing I had learned in my 48 years. (YES, I am 48!) I told him I have learned that the God life was easier than I had ever been taught. To receive His love, to believe I am loved by Him is the bottom line that changes everything. Every relationship, goal and problem. Just be loved.

Who knew? He did! The great Giving God who restored the years the locusts had eaten; Who makes all things new; Who is the Giver of new life, hope and healing. Oh earth, receive your King!!

Death Begets Death

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Normally, we try to look at one real question on Wednesdays. Today, I’m not answering just one question. I’m answering ten! I know this is a loaded topic…BUT one worth talking about since it affects 1 out of 5 women. I was approached by a high school student with these questions and thought I would share my answers.

1. Do you believe abortion is morally correct?
No.

2. In what circumstances do you believe abortion is socially acceptable?
Never.

3. In your opinion, is the third trimester too late to perform an abortion?
Absolutely.

4. Do you believe abortion can cause depression or mental side effects?
Absolutely. In addition, it can cause nightmares, rage attacks, self-hatred leading to eating disorders, cutting, addictions to drugs and alcohol. Anything to numb the pain. It also causes long- lasting trauma to relationships, something people rarely discuss. This breach in conscience prevents future trusting relationships, especially with men.

5. What do you believe causes the women to have abortion as an option?
Fear. Fear of being alone, of being stuck with baby, of being “fat”, of being found out, of losing their life, of being a bad mother.

6. As an estimate, how many people do you know who have had an abortion?
I know personally 20+ but have counseled more than a 100 women.

7. Under the circumstances, what age is most common related to abortions?
17-25 is my guess.  Middle school girls think having a baby is “cool” and often decide to parent rather than release for adoption. Most occur around end of high school or in college when a woman feels like “she has her whole life ahead of her.”  Funny that the mother’s life has greater value than the life of her unborn baby.

8. Do you believe that the male has a substantial part in the decision process of an abortion?
Ahhhh, tough question. Yes, I do morally now. But when faced with that, I moved forward regardless of his decision.

9. Do you believe that the parents of the female play an important role in the decision process of abortion?
Many many abortions happen with the push of over active parents. They are more concerned with reputation than the value of life and the value of hardship in character building for their child. And many girls also have abortions out of fear of their parents finding out. They are trying to hide the evidence, as it were.

10. Can previous abortions cause emotional problems in future relationships and the start of a family?
I mentioned this but absolutely… Many women I have counseled with “withheld” this secret for fear of rejection from their husbands. So they are grieving in silence. It causes sexual disconnect and all kinds of trauma around having children in the future. “I killed one baby how can I welcome this one,” is the mentality.

Also there is a HUGE medical issue of damage done during the procedure where STDs are spread, damage to the cervix and tearing of the uterus.  Abortion is one of the riskiest medical procedures ever and it has NO medical oversight or accountability.  It absolutely affects the ability to bear children in the future.

A few more comments if I may?
I had an abortion at the age of 18. It was one of the most painful things I had ever lived through, physically, emotional and spiritually.  No one ever told me the truth about any of those things prior to the procedure. But more information is not the answer necessarily.  At that time, we made sure it was never called a baby, so when I found that out, I was doubly horrified. Today, we know it is a baby and call it a baby, but we so undervalue the intrinsic worth of a human being, it causes perhaps more harm. Mom has no value so baby has no value. And so even after abortion, mom continues to suffer from lack of value and worth which often leads to more sex, dirtier partners, more pregnancies, more abortions, etc.

I debated a woman from Planned Parenthood once and challenged her point that she was “empowering women.”  Empowering women is not accomplished by killing women and men, even if they are in fetus stage. Empowering women is to teach them about actions and consequences; sex leads to babies. But also about the overwhelming energy given to a woman when she is taught how to harness her passions and focus them on good and long-term results.  Parenting and adoption is incredibly hard. But they are choices that lead to life and hope and possibilty.

Abortion is quick and final. No life, no hope, no possibility.

Healing is my final point. I know many women who have tried many things to wash away the guilt of the blood on their hands. It has been my experience that only the blood of Jesus has the power to do that. I am not a church lady. But my life was radically transformed when I realized that even though I was a murderer, God still loved me.  It was a long arduous road to recover my heart, but one I am thankful for beyond measure.

Fleas

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Don’t know if anyone else has indoor-outdoor pets, but this is the season of fleas. The warm and cold weather is like a breeding ground for these tiny annoyances. So what started out as a random event, “Hey look there is flea on my leg,” soon became a overwhelming lament, “Mom, there are fleas all over my room.”

Funny how fleas multiply so fast.  There’s probably a Biblical truth tucked away in there. But we called the Orkin man to treat the house and called the vet to get some Advantage Flea treatment for the cats and dog. However, the reason I write about this tiny but powerful menace is because they reminded me of a story.

Corrie Ten Boom was an amazing woman who survived  the concentration camp in Holland during the Holocaust. We read her book, The Hiding Place, out loud a couple of winters ago. Her story of walking through such hell and still holding on to God, and believing that God was holding on to her, was life-changing.

She recalls a time when the dorm she and her sister lived was unbearable. The building that had been built to accommodate 400 people now housed 1400. Too many women. Not enough food, water, space, or blankets.

It was infested with fleas.  Everywhere, all the time, they were covered with biting fleas. And there was no Orkin man to call.

But like the smallest of flames push back the darkest of nights, these two praying women continued to believe that God was able to meet their needs. In their smuggled Bible, they came upon Thessalonians where it says  to “give thanks in all circumstances.”   By faith they began to thank God for all the terrible circumstances they were living through, one by one. But Corrie and Betsy both stopped short: How do you thank God for fleas? Finally, they came to a place of trust and rest, that yes, even the fleas were part of God’s goodness to them.

Weeks later, they found out that the reason they had been able to openly read their smuggled Bible, lead weekly Bible studies, and publicly pray with the women in the dorm was because the guards would not step foot in their dorm…because of the fleas.

Will you go there? Will you thank God for all the bad, hard, hurtful, annoying, painful places in your life? Will you still praise His name?

God really is working all the things in your life, all your fleas, for your good. So thank Him, by faith, believing that He alone sees beyond your circumstances and what He is doing in you, and through you.

http://www.broadcaster.org.uk/section2/transcript/hidingplace.html

Separated from Satan

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“Mama, my teacher said that when someone goes to hell they are separated from God forever,” Charis said, her eyes bright and shining.

“That’s right,” I said, typing on my computer.

“Well,” she continued, “I am going to be separated from the devil forever when I go to heaven.”

I stopped typing and sat stunned for a moment, just letting my mind reflect on this. That IS right. Separated from our enemy forever.

And I heard the Lord say in my spirit. “What can separate us from the love of God?”

Then it hit me. We are already separated. When Jesus cried out, “It is finished,” He completed, bridged, redeemed, restored all that the enemy had stolen from us. There is a New Covenant because He is the New Adam. We are New creations. There is “therefore no condemnation in Christ Jesus,” says Romans 8. “The old has gone. The NEW has come,” Paul declared to the Corinthians and to us.

Would you today reflect on the great love of the Father?  Would you declare out loud the words from Romans:
If God is for us, who can be against us?
He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all—
how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?
Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,
neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,
neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation,
will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.