Freedom

God is Not Ashamed of Us, Part 2

/ Jana / 1 Comment

As you recall, we are talking about living “from” the expression on Jesus’s face. (See Part 1) How you see Him looking at you is paramount to your intimacy.  Allow me to tell you two stories to put things in perspective.

photo

I was a bewildered new mom fumbling along the parenting path when an older dad gave me this great piece of advice. “When your toddler falls down they will look at you. Make sure you smile. If you panic, they will panic.  If you smile, or clap your hands, and tell them they are okay, they will react the same.  They may cry for a minute, but if you don’t make a big deal out of it, neither will they.”

(Thank you, Michael Patrick!)

So sure enough, Salem would fall down and look for me or daddy. She would search our faces and we would smile really big, and say in a happy voice “Hey baby, you are okay. Get back up!”  And she would whimper a moment and get back up.

This also worked with getting the girls out of their cribs. In the morning or at after nap times, they searched my face to get a temperature of their world.  So I consciously tried to smile and welcome them, regardless of my own inner reality.  Spills and messes? Same technique.  We wanted them to know mistakes were okay. They didn’t have to be skiddish or fearful but to simply get up and begin to clean up.  It really created peace in the middle of momentary chaos. In all these situations, we set the tone for our children. Do you get it? Our expression of love and devotion directed their actions and reactions.

However.

I would love to say I carried that idea into my whole of parenting.  I did not —particularly as they got older and were “in trouble.”  When they blew it big, so did I.

Often, I lost the whole notion of how my expression impacted these little learning human beings. And of course, they learned to watch my face when they got in trouble at school or church, or with their friends. Only it wasn’t a good thing. It was a fearful thing. They anxiously approached me because, “Mom, I was afraid you’d get mad at me…”  In their greatest moment of need, in their sin, they were afraid of me.

Does this sound familiar to you? To the way you approach God?

God did bring a parenting breakthrough  but that’s for later. Here is another story of watching someone’s expression.  It’s a familiar story but let’s zoom in on a few details.

Jesus predicted that Peter would deny even knowing him three times before the rooster crowed. While Jesus was being tormented and tried, Peter stood outside in the courtyard around a fire.  Three times Peter cursed at people who claimed he had been with Jesus and Luke 22 says, “Just as he was speaking, the rooster crowed. The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter.”

In this story we often focus on Peter, his failure, how he “wept bitterly.” We can relate to Peter.

But God. I want to focus on the expression on Jesus’s face…

Was he surprised? Disappointed? Shocked?  Clearly not, since Jesus told Peter in advance what Peter would do.

Was he angry? Ready to punish? Clearly not, or he would have betrayed Peter and had him on trial as well.

Was he — merciful? Full of the same love that He was getting ready to pour out on the cross? 

Let your mind imagine His holy expression. Jesus was devoted to his mission, Even in this moment, pre-crucifixion. His mission:  To close the gap between God and man. To remove once and for all the shame that stained the soul of the whole of creation. To display the overwhelming love of God.

Can we handle the Look of Love in middle of our failure?

God understands, more than we do, that we most need mercy when we fail the most. Some powerful moments of healing happened with God in the middle of my sin.  One time the Lord told me, “Jana don’t try to hide your sin from Me anymore. I would rather be with you while you sin, than you running away and pretending like I am not there. Stay with Me.”

In the garden, the man and woman sinned and they hid.  For fear of punishment. And they were indeed banished. But all that has changed. “Till on that cross as Jesus died, The wrath of God was satisfied ”

Now in Christ, through the redeemed garden of Gethsemane, we don’t hide when we sin but we run to the Father.  We look for the expression on His face. We know that just as Jesus looked on Peter with love and mercy, we find the same loving Eyes looking on us.  We are not banished, but our fear is. His perfect love  banishes, drives out, the fear in us.

So for today, consider where you go when you blow it? Do you hide? Run? Do you turn away from God and go outside and weep bitterly? Ashamed of yourself so God must be too?

Perhaps, one of the greatest things that ever happened to Peter was his ultimate failure. I think it was an incredible gift to us all. Why? Because after his failure, Peter realized what Jesus knew all along.

Jesus’s love was not based on Peter’s actions, but flowed from His Father’s endless, merciful, gracious Heart. Hallelujah.

“Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” Psalm 34:5

More to come…

Art by Salem Spicka

God is Not Ashamed of You…Part 1

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“God is not ashamed of you.” Ryan Wyatt said at Fuse Church on Sunday. The comment hung in the air — as if suspended by our deep longing and yet our persistent unbelief — as if we all collectively held our breath at the boldness of the notion.  He repeated the phrase. This time a declaration.  “God is. Not ashamed. Of you.” 

You could tangibly feel the relief. We exhaled our corporate breath and Truth laid over the congregation like a warm blanket, comforting and covering us all.

God really is not ashamed of you. Nor is He disgusted, disappointed, embarrassed, or fretting over you.  Imagine it. God in heaven wringing His hands over your latest goof up, saying, ‘Oh my, oh my, what ever will I, the God of all creation, do about this creature of mine?”

Get it? Not gonna happen. Ever. Infinity.

If you think you have that much cosmic power, you might need a bigger God. I’m just saying.

I want to belabor this point.  It applies to all: the couple living together, the businesswoman who cheats on a deal, the unfaithful husband, the screaming mom, the binging teenager, the person who swears to do better with his selfishness and yet repeats it daily…God is not ashamed to call all of us His children. How can it be?

It’s called the grace factor. While we are made in His image, there is a huge difference in God’s emotional capacity and ours. Thank you God. ThIMG_4791is is really good news for people who are still running from God, or holding Him at arms length, or won’t look Him in the eyes.

Perhaps, you are afraid He will act like you act. Or how your mom, dad, pastor, friend, or spouse acted.  Perhaps, you are afraid of the expression on His face.  You think He is thinking about your sin and you want to hide from Him. But this is one of the greatest deceptions in the Christian life.

If you belong to God in the name of Jesus, then your sin is gone. Period. It’s paid for. It’s not that God is in denial. But that He lives in fulfillment.  The law has been satisfied. Death for sin.  Jesus for you. Done. You now live in a too-good-to-be-true-but-is-true reality of Grace.

Which brings us to a much bigger and better conversation.  If God is not ashamed of you, and He is not talking about your sin, then what IS He talking about?  What IS the expression on His face?

I want to take a few blogs and talk about living from the look on Jesus’s face. Selah.  Living from…the look on His Face…

But for today, will you take a moment just to still your heart, and your world?

Let your spirit see the expression on Jesus’s face. Even now, close your eyes. Take a deep breath and just look and listen for Him.

I trust once you let him remove the veil of shame from your eyes, you will see something, Someone, better than you expected.

More to come.
“My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”  Your face, Lord I will seek.” Psalm 27:8 

 

Photography by Salem Spicka, “Veiled Woman” from Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York City

Farewells, Hellos, and Thank Yous

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Dear friends of mine, friends of WGR and friends of Jesus,

Wow!  My first reaction coming off of Sabbatical is— Wow! This has been the hardest and best year of my life.  What a God! What a Lover!

It’s been so impacting, in fact, that it will be the source for my next book.  There have been so many visions and revelations, so many holy hushes, so many Re-directions. I am hoping to have it finished by fall, please pray with me.  (Hint: You might get sneak peeks through my blog and FB posts.)

Now comes a season of “new wine” and  “new wineskins.”  It could be summed up in a few words. Abandon. Worship. Write.

He has released me from the Drive to be so “productive” that I neglect myself, my family, or even Him! It is a greater work He is after. Therefore, you will likely see less events this year, but you will see more in-depth writing and more opportunities for focused teaching.

Honestly, I am eager to teach. And yet, He has made it clear that it will look very different. Something has shifted even in my outpouring. I  felt it when I taught a recent youth retreat and I spoke at a Pep Moms retreat. We went to incredible places with God. I am so grateful He is refining my gifting.

What’s next? Writing and Waiting on Him to open doors. Our conversation went something like this: “Jana your job is to refine the message, I’ll take care of the audience.”

Thus, my next teaching opportunity is April 25-26 Fascinate Women’s Gathering at Fuse Church.  I will be one of the keynote speakers! I am so so excited!!

(It’s an open event so you can register at www.fusechurch.com)

An 8-week intensive course to follow up that event called, “Saying Yes to God.”
Location Claris Networks Conference Room, 6100 Lonas Drive. (right off Papermill exit at I-40)  Registration is required and space is limited.

Many of you have asked? What about Beautiful, or the marriage retreats? What about Unhindered, Sweetly Broken Abortion retreat, or Yes and Amen?  What about church or small group retreats?

Yes and Yes is my answer. I am so willing and available as long as someone else bears the weight of the event. I have LOVED doing the many events hosted by WGR. We had a blast and I am forever changed by what God did in our midst.

Going forward though, I am to be a speaker/teacher. Not an event coordinator.  God has made the transition so clear that He moved the incredible women I served with into new adventures. Ahem.  We call that “pruning.”  Therefore, I am eagerly waiting for an increase of harvest of women who will be rescued, restored and released… smile.treewomansmall

I was at the beach on the close of the Sabbatical which was the exact date of the first Unhindered Encounter in 2007. I stood in complete awe as I considered all that God has done in the last seven years. Really it takes my breath away to consider what he has done for me as well as for many of you. We are different. Our relationships with God, with our friends and family, in our marriages—they are different. Better. Deeper. God has been doing an amazing work in us all.

Will you allow me a few Thank You’s?
I offer a heart felt shout out to:

The Girl Group and the Dream Teams: (you know who you are…)
I look back on all I have learned, all that we did together, all that God taught us and I am humbled beyond words.  You each brought such joy to my life. I loved walking that stretch of the road with you.  I am forever changed. Your hours invested in the events for other women are mind blowing. Only me and Jesus know how much you gave on their behalf. Thank you.

Lyschel Burket:  You were the first insane and brave soul to come along side and “assist” the vision of rescuing and restoring women. I will be forever indebted and grateful for your organizational skills, your deep friendship and encouragement, and your steadfast belief that all the volunteer work was worth it.

Heather Terflinger:  When the baton passed from Lyschel to you, I had no idea that the roller coaster was getting ready to speed up.  What a ride!! Your laughter and energy took us to new dreams and possibilities.  I have enjoyed every minute working with you.

Volunteers:  Although that sounds broad and impersonal, I can see your faces as I write.  The courage it took for so many of you to step into serving others, the cardboard testimonies, the hours of blood sweat and tears…How do I say thank you?  When I did that first conference with 5 dear friends, I had no idea that God would raise up an “army of Friends” to take it from there. Especially you Laura Jones and Beth Hungerford. God bless you and bless you all again.

Mentors and Prayer Warriors: Betsy Michalik, Kate LeBoeuf, my faithful Board, John Dee, the intercessors — thank you for  your wisdom, insight, and deep concern for me. I am so blessed by you.

To my husband and children:  You are my most important ministry of all. Thank you for your investment, patience, and sacrifice.

Does this sound like a farewell?  It is.  And it is not.  We have all crossed paths out of His goodness. I still ardently pray for harvest to come out of holy seeds that He planted. And my eyes watch and wait for all that He is bringing forth in days and years to come.

I am confident of His calling and His plans.  “Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.” Romans 4:20-21

Thank you for being a part of this ongoing work of God.  Thank you caring enough to read this. May we press in to know Him more with “ever increasing glory.”

Jana

The Missing Ingredient for Breakthrough

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“I’m stuck.”     “I can’t.”       “I don’t know how.”

I have come to a real epiphany around these phrases. As a warning, you may not like my revelation, but it is in the Word.  So I guess you’ll need take it up with the Author and Finisher of our Faith instead of with me. Smile.

I’ve spent a lot of time telling people how to get well.  Some respond and some don’t. No problem. But I have also spent a lot of time trying to talk people into getting well. Most don’t.  This is a problem on both our ends. It’s not a counseling issue, it’s a repentance issue.

Why?  Because, while God has forgiven us completely of our sin and no longer counts it against us, there is still a spiritual principle of repentance that is for OUR good health. Let me explain.

Repentance is like a spiritual thermometer. It checks the tenderness of our hearts, our willingness to see with spiritual eyes, our openness to hear from the Lord. When I get in a wad, it is repentance that invites God to redirect my heart and mind. Otherwise I continue to harden—defend — isolate—blame. These heart conditions always lead to stupid actions. Always. That’s why we want our “repentance reflex” to be very quick and strong.

So what is repentance?  To turn back. To return. To agree with God.

It is like Google Maps saying, “Re-routing.”  Somehow we have gotten off the blue line of wisdom or truth so repentance, or returning, helps us get back on God’s blue line of direction. And with repentance comes a promise.

“Therefore repent and return, so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord.” (Acts 3:19-20 NASB)

This makes my heart beat faster. Have you ever felt this burden? The sheer weight of the bitterness, confusion, anger, disappointment, unbelief, sarcasm, shame or accusation?

As soon as we confess it, agree with God, turn our faces back to His, He wipes it away and we are given a fresh breath of His loving presence. Again and again He does this. His mercy never fails.

People who love to repent do get well over time.

But what about those who scoff or ignore or despise even the idea of repentance? Here is my epiphany.

So much time is spent on God’s people who are Clearly lost and yet they act like they are not. This is denial, or worse, pride. I am finding it is better to let them soak in the hard place rather than to give hours of unheeded counsel. Here’s why. I believe our good intentions hamper their healing. People want to talk about their problems and they should. We all need it. In fact the Bible encourages us to confess our sins to one another that we may be healed. (James 5:16)

Yet here’s a dividing point. Danny Silk has this beautiful phrase, “You don’t have a solution for anybody on the planet that doesn’t have a problem.” People who want to massage their problems are not repenting. They want to feel better for the moment but they never want to get right with the Lord. They rarely ever want to confess that they are the problem. And more importantly, they never want to believe that Jesus can or will heal them. Even Jesus asked, do you want to get well? (John 5)
He didn’t ask, do you want spend endless time arguing, blaming, defending, explaining why you are sick and why I should feel sorry for you?

He asked a crippled man, Do you want to be well? When the man started giving his list of excuses, Jesus gave a clear instruction, “pick up your mat and walk.” It was completely counter to what the cripple expected. Here is where choice is a life or death matter in healing. The cripple had to respond to Jesus’s instruction in order to be healed.

Everyone has the freedom to choose life or death. God or drama. Free or stuck. Worship or numbed out.  People have to choose to go to God. To listen and respond in repentance. They need to feel the squeeze of their choices in attitudes and actions. We call this beautiful phenomena “being led by the Spirit.” And we all have to respond when the Spirit tells us to get up and walk.

I think it’s important for us to tell people about the incredible love of God and then get out-of-the-way. It’s His kindness that leads us to repentance. Not our begging, enabling, cajoling, controlling. Only the Holy Spirit can bring conviction and only the Holy Spirit can empower healing. Our job is to tell them what’s available, love them either way, and then let them choose their own path. Life or death. Healing or addiction. Conquering or quitting.

May we all work on our “repentance reflex.” There is so much more life available in God. I believe repentance is the key that unlocks the door.

Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. 
Psalm 42:5

Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy. 
Proverbs 28:3a

Our Awkward Lovely Selves

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Why is awkward such a curse?  Why is being in human contact so painful that we will vie for just about any alternative to escape. Enter:

  • Food
  • Porn
  • Smartphones
  • Texting
  • Gossip
  • Avoidance
  • Sex
  • Shopping
  • Drugs
  • Work
  • Shall I go on?

I wonder if Awkward is a symptom instead of a cause. I heard a story once about the power of the photograph.  Read that again. The Power of a Photograph.  The story goes that a group of people were interacting, sharing, relaxed and comfortable in their own skin. They were even “unaware” of personal flaws until…the introduction of the photograph. One woman was said to be quick to smile, full of laughter and joy— until she  saw her face for the first time in a photograph. IMG_1970

Try to give yourself time to envision this.

Our children are INUNDATED with images of themselves. From newborn photos in the hospital, to annual growth pictures, to school pictures, to now Facebook and Instagram postings, our children are constantly seeing themselves captured in time. They are constantly “on display.”  I even remember seeing a great shot on a school field trip of one of Charis’s friends.  I said, “Hey, let me get your picture.” She immediately straightened her back, threw her shoulders back, cocked her head to one side, and then gave me a perfect cover girl smile. Obviously, my original shot of her was ruined, but her “photo coaching” was evident.

So try hard to think of life without the constant evaluation. No concern of whether you are with makeup or without. No selfies. No Kodak moments. Just living life as a fluid experience.

Back to the laughing woman. She saw her own captured image for the first time and for the first time she became self conscious. Conscious of her self.

The wrinkles when she laughed, the gap in her teeth, the way her eyes squinted unevenly, all these unique attributes were, before this moment, simply part of who she was and blissfully un-critiqued.  But no more.

We live in an age of Self Conscious.  How do I look? How do they look? How do I look compared to them?

The temptation is so strong. Case in point. I am in Nashville today having joined Chuck on a business trip.  We got up at 5 a.m. and had a three hour car drive.  So I washed my face, brushed my teeth, pulled my hair back in a ponytail and headed out the door. I was completely at ease until Chuck dropped me off at the Starbucks near Vanderbilt.

I went in the bathroom and saw my reflection. Without even “thinking” I compared my appearance to the college, preppy, professional, cool lookers I had passed on the way in.  Wow, I thought, I look awful.

Really? In a span of walking from the front door to the bathroom, I went from completely at ease to completely self critical.  That, my friends, is the curse of Self Conscious. And, may I go further? I believe this root produces a nasty offshoot called Awkward.

We get in social settings and our fear of conflict or failure or criticism chokes our hearts and emotions to such a degree that we seize up and morph into this ball of Awkward. We’re so concerned about what to say, how to say, should I say. It all comes back to looking to each other for definition and approval.

I tell you there is freedom. And that freedom comes not by winning the game of perfection, or isolation.  No one wins when there is only one standard of beauty. No one wins when we resort to emotional shut down to avoid the tension.

Freedom comes when we acknowledge the fear of being less than and allow Perfect Love to have His say. That is what transformed my Starbucks moment.  “I belong to my lover, and His desire is for me.” (Song of Songs 7:10)  Oh yeah, there is a bigger story being told here.

It really is the diversity, the collage, the imperfections of humanity that make us truly alive. It is the beauty expressed in each of us that lets us truly see the beauty of God. It is the love of God that helps me love me and thus love you.  Why? Because if He can love my crazy, psycho self with all my inconsistencies, I am confident He can love you too.  Understanding the “Level Ground of Love” that we all stand on really does change our need for approval from others.

Freedom comes when God’s compassion for the human condition becomes our standard instead of our own self conscious assessment.

And the whole awkward business? It is uprooted when we shift off Self. Everyone wants to be loved. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone blows it. And NO one knows how to glide through this life thing without an occasional crash.  Therefore everyone can relate to the need for grace.

We need a bigger view. The pressure’s off. Just be you.  I’ll be me.  Let’s just laugh and love together and let go of the Kodak moment. We are more than a snapshot. We are more than just awkward.

Photo Credit by Salem Spicka

For The Wounded Ones in the Abortion Battle

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Because I know you are out there…

I know that every time you even hear the words “pro life” or “abortion” or “pro choice” you get a pit in your stomach, or lump in your throat, or rush of fear, anger or regret in your heart.

Your worst fear is to be found out. Your deepest desire is to be forgiven, finally. You wrestle with what your parents, pastor, boyfriend, husband, friends said before and after your decision. Or what they would say if they only knew…

You replay the day. Over and over.

You flinch at babies. Or you long for a baby.

You can’t stop crying. Or you can’t stop raging.

You can’t stop hating yourself. Or the father, or person who pressured you, even if that person was you.

You can’t even think about heaven. Because what on earth will you say to your child?

And then there is God…how could he love you now?

Even churches act like your choice is too bad, too big for God’s mercy. Will God punish you forever?

Do Christians even care about the scared, trapped pregnant woman or just the baby?

Sisters (brothers), God’s grace is greater than all our sin. It truly does wash us white as snow. When we sing “Jesus paid it all” it means He paid for that day in the clinic as well.  Not partially, or conditionally, but it is completely covered by His redeeming love.

I pray you will have the courage to begin the journey to freedom.  One of the steps to my own healing was to talk about it. I had to open the door to let the shame and fear out but also to let His breath of cleansing freedom in. God led me to a grace-filled believers who really, really understood the Power of the cross. They spoke truth over me that Jesus came to save the world not to condemn it. (Thank you Nan Sprouse and Pat Gilley.) They cried with me. They grieved with me. They loved me with the eternal Love of Jesus.

Look at John 3:16-18 with fresh eyes:IMG_1318
“This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again.

The gospel of Jesus, His desire to make the world whole applies to  you. You are not disqualified. You are not cast out. You are not unlovable or unforgivable.

Truly, as the song says, “God renders miracles of our sin.”

For the wounded ones of the abortion battle…Your child is with God but you are still here with us. I pray that God will lead you to people that will love you into freedom.

The Oil of Intimacy

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Oswald Chambers once wrote that some things revealed in the spirit are difficult to convey in words. As I write this sentence this morning, I see now I why God told me to create a picture.  The revelation He gave is a rich reality not intended to be easily digested, or dismissed. It is so profound that He wanted me to experience the supernatural moment, but also to fully appreciate the sensation in the natural. And, he wanted me to take a picture so that I could remember it, and share it. Why?  Because this truth is for us all.  So allow me to create the backdrop of the Masterpiece.

I was lost in worship at church. It was one of those surreal moments when His presence was so strong that people responded by singing, crying, sitting or standing with outstretched arms. It was heavy, soaking, glorious. In a word, we were undone. As I sang, I realized that I kept rubbing my fingers across my forehead. Suddenly aware of how foolish it seemed, I asked the Lord, “Why am I doing this?”

The verse out of Revelation came to my spirit about his name being written on our foreheads. I laughed in my heart and told Him I was rubbing in the name that he had written on my forehead so it wouldn’t fade away.  “What would it say anyway? Jeee-sus?” I asked in a silly sort of way.

“No, that’s my name. That’s not my name for you.” His penetrating response shook off my childishness in an instant.

Now I have a long history with God about names. All through scripture, and today, we see God changing people’s names. He gives us new names, even pet names, to show us our destiny or to strengthen our confidence in Him. It is a huge jump in affection when we faith Him to tell us our names, we receive that name and eventually agree with His new name — his idea of who we are becoming, not what we currently see.

That being said, I asked Him if it was my “new name” written on my forehead?

“No, today it’s different,” He said. So I waited in worship.

Then I saw myself standing in front of Him, my head bowed, a smile on my face, and the word “Beloved” written on my forehead.

“Your name is Beloved,” He whispered so tenderly and then He kissed my forehead.IMG_3499

Tears rolled down my cheek in the natural as I experienced this holy picture in my spirit. I am, we are, Beloved.  Known intimately and received completely by Jesus. Not collectively, but individually.  He holds nothing back from us. He calls each one of us, writes on each of our foreheads His distinctive declaration.  Not a number. But a name, a lovely, awe-inspiring, worship-invoking name.  Beloved. His Beloved.

And then. Then came the oil. After the kiss, I saw the Lord pour oil on my head and I heard, “I anoint your head with oil. The oil of gladness.”

Selah.

To say I was wiped out would be an understatement.  I could hardly speak the rest of the night. The next day I could think of little else as I thanked the Lord for his beauty, nearness, and desire. But He wasn’t done with me yet. He kept reminding me that He wanted me to create a picture. I wanted to protest, but how could I refuse Him?

So I asked the girls to help me follow through on something the Lord had told me to do, even though it sounded crazy! Salem wrote on my forehead and Charis poured oil while Salem took pictures. Can you even imagine the expressions on their faces? But we did it all together. And as I relived in the physical world what I had experienced in the heavenly one, even more love exploded in my heart and spirit.

Can you see this word on your forehead? It is there. Written by Jesus himself.

Now let me show you the verses in their fullness and colorful beauty.

The River of Life
Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life,
bright as crystal, flowing from the throne of God
and of the Lamb through the middle of the street of the city;
also, on either side of the river, the tree of life
with its twelve kinds of fruit, yielding its fruit each month.
The leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations.
No longer will there be anything accursed,
but the throne of God and of the Lamb will be in it,
and his servants will worship him.
They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads.
And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun,
for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever.
Revelation 22: 1-5

To grant those who mourn in Zion,
Giving them a garland instead of ashes,
The oil of gladness instead of mourning,
The mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting.
So they will be called oaks of righteousness,
The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified. Is 61:3

God has used both of these passages in my own life to reveal hope and healing and destiny. But He has also purposefully planted these promises in me so I can give them to others.  It is His heart is for His people. He gives us these truths so that we can walk, no run, no DANCE in the joy of Being His.

After this all happened I was reading a new book and saw the phrase, the Oil of Intimacy. I had to put the book down.

That was it. Precisely.  He pours on me, you, us, the oil of intimacy.

Oil. Produced by crushing and refining. A product for softening, nourishing and healing. A product for burning, lighting, or scenting — anointing.

Intimacy. A result of two hearts connecting in deepest places. The two becoming one flesh. In-to-me-you-see. To know and be known, to love and be loved. Be loved. Beloved.

Can I get an Amen?

I can hardly contain all this as it is…but this morning He reveals two more pieces.  First, this revelation comes on the heels of an encounter that had come the week before where I was left with a hard question of “who will you become?”  He had shown me three different pictures going from devotion to distraction. I have wrangled over the answer and He himself answered His question. I am His Beloved. I am His.

And second, as incredible as it sounds, my friend Chelsi sends me a link to a song this morning. It’s name?  “Healing Oil” by Kim Walker.  Think He is wanting me, wanting us, to soak in His goodness?

So what to do with all this?  Maybe you should have someone write the word Beloved on your forehead and take your picture.  It is very sobering.

Maybe you should pour oil over your hands, or head if you dare. Feel the sensation of the richness, let your spirit and your body agree…His has anointed us with the oil of gladness. It is ours for the taking.

Maybe you should sit in quiet or worship and eagerly desire the presence of God.  He inhabits the praises of His people. So He is eager to be with you as well.

Maybe you should just thank Him. Thank Him for calling you Beloved.

We are His beloved.  Let Him write on you. Let Him pour oil on you. Let Him love you.

A Cry for Humanity

/ Jana / Leave a comment

It was a convergence of wrenching heart moments. First came two hard movies within days of each other: The Impossible which is the the miraculous true story of an entire family who survived the tsnumami; and Hotel Rwanda which depicts the incredible true story of a man who saved 1268 Africans during the genocide in Rwanda. Next came this “ah-ha” revelation as I spent the day at Dollywood with my girls and some friends, only to come home to the horror of the death and destruction caused by the Oklahoma tornado.IMG_1050

How does the human soul carry such deep and diverse emotions? How do we celebrate the small victories when the devastation is so great. One family was reunited when 150,000 families had loved ones swept away by the sea. One hotel served as a haven to 1268 Hutus and Tutsi when one million corpses were left after the murderers were driven out of Rwanda.

Dazed and terrified children were pulled alive from school debris while other parents waited and searched in anguish for their child’s dead body to be discovered.

In light of this, my “ah-ha” at Dollywood seems so small now.

But perhaps as I connect all these emotional dots it is bigger than I realized. For the first time, as I entered into the mass of humanity that Dollywood attracts, my eyes and heart were seeing people.

Real people. Not the classes or the accents, not the perfect flesh or flawed flesh, not the beliefs and attitudes expressed through clothing, tattoos, or language, but I saw real people.  The flawless, fake “image” of beauty had no place here. What was real and true and honest was the weary but willing parents holding the hands of elated children. It was the mentally handicapped man who could not stop laughing and clapping his hands because he was so excited. It was the fit and obese, the rich and poor, the educated and hicks, the blasphemers and believers, all standing in line together, screaming together on rides, enjoying their loved ones, enjoying…life.

Enjoying. Life. Together.

If we truly are but dust, a flower that rises and falls, a vapor that appears for a moment then vanishes, if we truly are to savor every moment…then all these real life stories of great loss must prompt us to ask…are we? Am I? Are we seeing the beauty of God, the gift of life, the sufficiency of Grace, the overwhelming presence of the Spirit in our daily lives?

Because I am concerned, stirred and agitated that if I do not, will not savor it in times of blessing and peace, will I have the stamina and practice to rely on it when the my world spins out of my control?

Thank God today. For your life. For your loved ones. For His Life and Love.

“You lead me in paths of righteousness for Your Name’s sake” Psalm 23

 

Awakened by the God of the Ocean

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Years ago, I remember reading a profound little book called Gifts from the Sea by Ann Morrow Lindbergh.  I was a new Christian, a wanna-be writer and a newlywed. Her book was so deep and so grown up, I missed much of her wisdIMG_1107om the first time I read it.

It seemed surreal that she would leave her family, or could leave it, just to go to a beach to unwind and write. And yet, here I am — waiting, seeking  what the ocean might bring to my distracted soul; here I am yearning for the presence of God. It’s not as easy as it sounds.

Like my sister from generations passed, I am disentangling myself from the daily demands of family, work, ministry, and life. They are beautiful  cords that weave through and decorate my life. Yet I confess the tautness and pull of them sometimes knot up my mind. (I suspect I am not alone.) Ann Morrow described a woman’s life being the hub of a wheel with responsibilities and relationships emanating outwards in constant motion. That said, it required so much trust and courage to step out of the circle of motion and to take the time to unknot myself. Oddly, I find it is the very lack of pace that leaves me uncomfortable.

What do I do with my time? Now that I have removed all excuses and counterfeits, what is best done with my sabbathed energies and emotions?

I listen.

Yesterday the word was affection.  We talked about hearts. But not sea shell hearts, although I have found many. He showed me hearts in the sand, hearts outside crab holes, hearts in sea foam, in the clouds, in tree leaves.

The message?

His love is everywhere. Will I simply see it and receive it?

His love is everywhere. Is there anything more present or powerful? 

His love is everywhere. Am I walking in the boldness of a well loved woman?

As I look back on my God journey, I realize my soul was awakened by the ocean. From a child who giggled at first sight, to a twenty-something who stood by the sea and cursed my life for its bitterness and loneliness, to a young married consumed with “what would be one day”, to a wonder-filled diver who explored the glorious underwaters, to a forty-something who realized that I was not alone as I picked through the trinkets of the sea — God had been there, was there, would be there. He is here. Now.

My conversations have changed over the years and the beach trips. This time together, we dream and enjoy and ponder. The conversations are as diverse as the tides that roll in differently every day. One day it is fierce and windy, leaving me breathless and slightly off center;  another day is warm with gentle waves urging me closer.

Every day there are different lessons and perspectives. But always, always is the “voice of many waters”. Always is the rushing energy, the pounding roar, the blue visual feast that stretches out beyond my comprehension. Every day is the welling up in my spirit, in my deepest heart that often goes overlooked or undernourished when I am in the “hub mode.” God is for sure the center of my life, but life itself is draining as “the wheels on the bus go round and round.”

So to pull away, to hear him, to laugh and muse, to tease and argue, to deeply intercede for others in a focused way…it replenishes me in the same way the dry sand hungrily soaks up every drop as the waves wash ashore.

What do I do with so much time with the God of the ocean?
Soak Him in.

Find your place, your beach, your sabbath. Find your spirit again.

“Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” Mark 6:31

The More of Marriage: a mini series, part 3

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Marriage is a  relational Rubik’s cube

I love this mind-tester.  You keep moving the squares trying to get one color lined up and then the other side is jacked up.  So you spend time trying to get that color matching and… well.. you know the rest. One silly square out of place. Is this frustrating or fun, or both? Am I crazy? stupid? And  of course there are always the “smart ones” who  slam it down completed in 12 seconds or less.  Yeah.  We hate those people.

Marriage can look a lot like this. It’s heart- tester if you will. You work on this part of your relationship and then something (or someone) else gets out of whack. So you adjust hoping to “get it all together” at one time.  Sigh.  And much like the toy, there are the couples who say, “We have never had a fight.”  Yeah we hate those people too.  (Just kidding. Sort of. )

But hope rises with practice. As with the  Rubik’s cube, it takes skill to master the myriad of relationships.  I really thought in our marriage it was just me and Chuck, two sides, two colors.  No problem. In fact, our families were not in our equation of marriage, or so we thought.  However, idea of “just the two of us” got pretty crowded pretty quickly. Turns out  you can’t get rid of your roots. It  was me and Chuck and my family and his family. My friends and his friends. My teachers, enemies, old lovers, and role models, 600px-Rubiks_cube_by_keqsand his as well.  Then you add children. The colored squares just multiplied. Again.

These ghosts of past, present, and future really impacted our ability to connect, trust, and listen to each other.  The way our respective parents would fight, make up, handle money, do God — all that was sitting at the dining room table with us when we were trying to fight, make up, handle money, and do God.

One day in the early years,  this came into full view.  Chuck and I were fighting (for you couples who “don’t” that means the two of you disagree loudly) and he looked at me and said, “I am not your dad. I am not your ex. I am not your brothers. I am not your professor. I am not any of those guys…”
What courage and insight it was for him to lay it out for me so plainly.  I wasn’t  even listening to what Chuck was saying. I had gone into auto-pilot reaction as if I was confronting one of them.

This is true whether you had a great life history or not.  We have been relationally trained by others, for better or for worse. And we have to learn how to relate in a loving way to our mates.  Here is a newsflash.

It takes time to learn to be truly present and listening.

Not recalling old wounds, offenses or disappointments. Not thinking of your to do list or rebuttal. Not letting old triggers cause you to react instead of engage. But instead, really listening to the present need or issue of the moment. Really lending your heart and spirit to the moving parts of the relational Rubik’s cube”— it’s called relationship.  Friendship. Companionship.  It’s not easy but worth it.

Honesty, patience, safety, hope.  These four qualities totally change the condition of most marriages.  They are not something you demand from your mate, but something you cultivate with God and then pour it out on your mate.  It takes time. It takes practice. It takes God.

“I never thought marriage would be this much work.” How many times have I heard this?  Ever tried to work a Rubik’s cube?  That’s a toy. This is for life.