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Do You Need To Re-think Christmas?

/ Jana / Leave a comment

God gave me a huge download this last week.  I had a birthday which can be exhilarating and excruciating at the same time. Smile. I guess that reality aligns with our actual birth days which were full of joy and full of pain. However one precious gift I received was a word from the Lord. An actual word: honor.  I am still translating all that the Spirit poured out but I thought it was no accident to get this word right at Christmas time.

Honor is to elevate above, esteem, hold in high value. The Spirit brought to mind the verse, “he who honors me, him will I honor.” (1 Samuel 2:30)  It’s an odd verse.  But it is packed with promise. This isn’t a duty-bound, fear-driven demand. This is an invitation. From God.  He is saying, if you honor me, it’s not a one-way street. I am going to turn around and honor you back.  Selah.

I don’t know if you know this about God. But here is the word picture.  A mom says to her daughter, “You go fill up your hands with candy and give it to me. And then I will fill up my hands with candy and give it to you…”

Who do you think has bigger hands?

Childs-Hands-full-of-candy

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Let’s Love Our Kids—and Our Company

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True confessions.  I used to get so stressed out cleaning and perfecting that my family hated having people come over.  It hit me like a ton of bricks the day both my girls whined, “I hate having company.”  Whaaaaat? How have I failed to teach them hospitality? How could they be so insular? so selfish?  Then the rest of their sentence rolled out.

“You are always so angry and stressed out that it’s not worth it.”

Selah.

How could I teach them love for others when I was not loving them under pressure? I am glad that hard conversation came when it did. And I am sad that my temper tantrums lasted as long as they did. Hospitality, it turns out, begins at home. So does honor, respect, patience and valuing others, no matter how old your kids are. Unskilled toddlers or resistant teens.

I know some of you sweet, calm moms have no idea what I am talking about. But some of you do.

We want everything to be so perfect, so under control, that we try to manage our children like little chess pieces on a gameboard to keep everything “just right.” Here is the kicker. If I have to yell to get my chore list done to my satisfaction, I don’t have my priorities in place.

“Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me,” the hymn rings out.  Maybe it is better said, “Let there be peace in my home, and let it begin with me.”

God changed me.  I have had many people over in the last four years. The chores have gotten done, or not. The table set beautifully, or not. The food delicious, or not. And none of those “things” have been more important than loving on my kids and husband well in the process.

I didn’t realize it before, but my explosion on them was inadvertently saying, you don’t matter as much as the company does. Although my message was “let’s love on other people,”  my actions said “let’s love on other people at your expense.”

Okay take a deep drink from the cup of Grace. He loves you no matter what. But let’s learn some new ways.

Here are a few guardrails God gave me to keep all the “getting ready” energy flowing in peace:

• It doesn’t have to be perfect to be well done. Be satisfied with less.

• If I am getting charged up, I am not trusting God in the details. Stop and pray.

• My kids are going to learn from me, so I might as well teach them grace instead of rage. Worship instead of worry.

• And finally, understand that the peace in your home is more important to everyone than the looks and the food.

I can go anywhere for food. I can’t go anywhere and get the peace of God. Invite Him to rest in your home while you prepare it for others.

Okay. Enjoy getting ready for Thanksgiving. I mean it. Enjoy it. All of it.

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Porter LeBoeuf enjoying some of her grandmother’s, Kate LeBoeuf, delicious goodies. And her peace.

 

Why I Still Go To Church

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Ah yes. Hear that collective groan?  “To church, or not to church,”  that is the question among believers. Many of us are sick and tired of the way churches have become bloated institutions driven by the agendas of a handful of people. Many of us have been seriously wounded, neglected and rejected. Many of us, old and young alike, remark, “I just don’t see the point.”

I do not deny these stark accusations. And yet, I still go to church. Here’s why.

balloons

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When Dead Things Come to Life

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It is one of those Holy Convergences. You know the ones? When God is trying to tell you something and He brings the same message from all these “random” directions? Yeah, one of those. It is freaky and delightful all at once. Let me break it down.

First came the lunch meeting at Aubrey’s.  I casually glanced out the window and time stopped for a moment as I watched this beautiful “pink snow storm.” Only it wasn’t snowflakes but seeds and petals caught up in the wind.  I couldn’t take my eyes off this magical display. The wind, like the hand of God, just wrapped itself around this life-laden tree. It  gathered up the pink promises, and in a gust, tossed the tree’s future into the air, carrying seed far from the original planting. Literally, it was like a river of pink seed carried through the current of air.

Are you seeing this? the Spirit whispered.  Yes, Lord. Yes.

Then came Easter. God always brings a new revelation around what Father, Son and Spirit did for me. For you. One revelation came as I was planting new flowers and seeds. I heard the phrase, “Jesus was  planted in the earth.”  A dead seed. But then God raised him to life and from his resurrected life came forth many seeds. That is me and you.

Our very spiritual lives are a result of His power to bring new life from the dead.

seeds

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A Few Thoughts on the “Sex Talk” — Part 1

/ Jana / 1 Comment

Many of you have asked about when and how to get started on this oh-so-delicate topic of Sex.  What I can offer you is what I learned as an abstinence and relationship teacher and what I have done with my own girls.  I am going to try to break it down in bite-sized pieces.

1) Start sooner than you think and start sooner than you are ready. 

Parents often wait to discuss the whole sexual side of relationship until they “think their children are ready.”  But in my experience, this is a fallacy and is often a big cover up for parental fear.  The thought goes, if my children don’t ask, then my children aren’t ready.  But we don’t do this in any other area. We talk to our children about fires being hot and able to burn you, chocolate being wonderful but the need for moderation, and even what to do around “scary people” and how to get help.

I doubt any of our children asked about these topics.  But we deemed them as  necessary discussions for their development. So is sex.

We live in a highly sexualized culture. Your children are being educated All. The. Time.   So my firm belief is that parents should be the primary voice even in sexual matters for their children. Why? You want to be the Go-To person for your children. You want to be the trusted expert. Not the TV, movies, social media or even their buddies.

I  feel so strongly about this.  I want to create a foundation of truth for today’s generation that is based on God’s idea of sexuality. I want it to be so strong that when the world tries to dump its toxic nature into my kids, or your kids, that they can see the lie for what it is. Otherwise, the opposite is true. The world  establishes the foundation for our kids and parents then resort to trying quick fixes. Too many parents wait so long that their kids have no need to hear from mom and dad.

Too many times, and I have seen this first hand, kids give up on their parents. The parents act like they don’t know anything about sex so they lose credibility with their own children.  Children will go somewhere to get answers.  You want  to be where they go. If you shy away, or sugar coat or even Christian-coat  their real questions, you will lose them. Oral sex, anal sex, homosexual sex.  You don’t flinch. You answer their questions. But they won’t even begin asking if you have never opened the door for them to walk through. Lovre+017

We began the “sex talk” by celebrating marriages.  Our girls were often flower girls or we attended friends’ weddings so we talked about the honeymoon being a special time for the husband and wife to share secret and beautiful things.  At one point, then five -year-old Charis was so excited about the idea of a honeymoon she exclaimed, “Daddy I want you to come on my honeymoon with me and my husband!”

Chuck laughed and said, “I tell you what, when you get married if you and your husband still want me to come, I will be glad to be there!!”

Early on, we set the stage for them that something wonderful was coming.  As they got older, lots of conversations naturally happened as we watched movies where couples had sex on the first date.  Why are they kissing already? Why are they having sex, they aren’t married yet? It is easy to have lots  of “sex talks” as you are doing life together, rather than having one big weekend or event.

We honored their bodies. When they were very small we  called  their sexual areas “privates,” because they were not to be seen or shared with anyone but who God had for them.  Sound like overkill? With the prevailing sexual abuse, we wanted our girls to know that we highly valued  them and they were worth protecting. In hindsight, this even prevented the “playing doctor” and other forms of curiosity.

We covered their privates. We talked about honoring their privates and when they began to talk, we called body parts by their anatomically correct names. Why? Because believe or not, the labeling of women’s bodies begins the objectification process.  Boobies, ta-tas, titties,  all these phrases and even the ones related to the vagina, are part of a culture that separates a woman’s body from the total person. I know this is extreme to some. But we are honoring what God has made. Not what the culture dictates.

Yes there was awkward in the beginning.  For example, when Salem was three she came with me to the office and we ran into the Director of the Board. As he was walking away, she loudly asked, “Mommy does Mr. Mickey have  a penis?” Gasp. Gulp. “Yes he sure does honey. All boys do.”

She wasn’t embarrassed. So why was I?  I had told her that God made us differently and that it was beautiful. So why do we drag all this shame into our conversations with our kids. Sex is God’s idea. Let’s give Him glory even in this. He’s not embarrassed. So why should we be?

Okay this is all for today.  Lots more to come.

photo credit: artsmarts4kids.blogspot.com

 

 

 

“I Need More…” Class Tonight!

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I don’t know why I am so excited about this class.  I think it is the Freshness that I feel in His approach.  I have just had time to pause and reflect, even to evaluate why we do what we do. Or more specifically, why I do what I do when it comes to Jesus and teaching and pouring out.IMG_2057

With all that said, I feel like a river has opened up in my soul and I am eager to splash around in it. And to invite some friends along to play as well.

So please pray with me as women come that they will drink deeply.  Pray for me as He pours through me. And please. There are so many who “need more” of Jesus…in so many different ways.  So spread the word of this offering.

Green Brier Club House,  1505 Greenbrier Ridge Way, Knoxville, TN 37909.  Every Other Tuesday beginning tonight, 6:30-8:30

 

 

The Missing Ingredient for Breakthrough

/ Jana / Leave a comment

“I’m stuck.”     “I can’t.”       “I don’t know how.”

I have come to a real epiphany around these phrases. As a warning, you may not like my revelation, but it is in the Word.  So I guess you’ll need take it up with the Author and Finisher of our Faith instead of with me. Smile.

I’ve spent a lot of time telling people how to get well.  Some respond and some don’t. No problem. But I have also spent a lot of time trying to talk people into getting well. Most don’t.  This is a problem on both our ends. It’s not a counseling issue, it’s a repentance issue.

Why?  Because, while God has forgiven us completely of our sin and no longer counts it against us, there is still a spiritual principle of repentance that is for OUR good health. Let me explain.

Repentance is like a spiritual thermometer. It checks the tenderness of our hearts, our willingness to see with spiritual eyes, our openness to hear from the Lord. When I get in a wad, it is repentance that invites God to redirect my heart and mind. Otherwise I continue to harden—defend — isolate—blame. These heart conditions always lead to stupid actions. Always. That’s why we want our “repentance reflex” to be very quick and strong.

So what is repentance?  To turn back. To return. To agree with God.

It is like Google Maps saying, “Re-routing.”  Somehow we have gotten off the blue line of wisdom or truth so repentance, or returning, helps us get back on God’s blue line of direction. And with repentance comes a promise.

“Therefore repent and return, so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord.” (Acts 3:19-20 NASB)

This makes my heart beat faster. Have you ever felt this burden? The sheer weight of the bitterness, confusion, anger, disappointment, unbelief, sarcasm, shame or accusation?

As soon as we confess it, agree with God, turn our faces back to His, He wipes it away and we are given a fresh breath of His loving presence. Again and again He does this. His mercy never fails.

People who love to repent do get well over time.

But what about those who scoff or ignore or despise even the idea of repentance? Here is my epiphany.

So much time is spent on God’s people who are Clearly lost and yet they act like they are not. This is denial, or worse, pride. I am finding it is better to let them soak in the hard place rather than to give hours of unheeded counsel. Here’s why. I believe our good intentions hamper their healing. People want to talk about their problems and they should. We all need it. In fact the Bible encourages us to confess our sins to one another that we may be healed. (James 5:16)

Yet here’s a dividing point. Danny Silk has this beautiful phrase, “You don’t have a solution for anybody on the planet that doesn’t have a problem.” People who want to massage their problems are not repenting. They want to feel better for the moment but they never want to get right with the Lord. They rarely ever want to confess that they are the problem. And more importantly, they never want to believe that Jesus can or will heal them. Even Jesus asked, do you want to get well? (John 5)
He didn’t ask, do you want spend endless time arguing, blaming, defending, explaining why you are sick and why I should feel sorry for you?

He asked a crippled man, Do you want to be well? When the man started giving his list of excuses, Jesus gave a clear instruction, “pick up your mat and walk.” It was completely counter to what the cripple expected. Here is where choice is a life or death matter in healing. The cripple had to respond to Jesus’s instruction in order to be healed.

Everyone has the freedom to choose life or death. God or drama. Free or stuck. Worship or numbed out.  People have to choose to go to God. To listen and respond in repentance. They need to feel the squeeze of their choices in attitudes and actions. We call this beautiful phenomena “being led by the Spirit.” And we all have to respond when the Spirit tells us to get up and walk.

I think it’s important for us to tell people about the incredible love of God and then get out-of-the-way. It’s His kindness that leads us to repentance. Not our begging, enabling, cajoling, controlling. Only the Holy Spirit can bring conviction and only the Holy Spirit can empower healing. Our job is to tell them what’s available, love them either way, and then let them choose their own path. Life or death. Healing or addiction. Conquering or quitting.

May we all work on our “repentance reflex.” There is so much more life available in God. I believe repentance is the key that unlocks the door.

Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. 
Psalm 42:5

Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy. 
Proverbs 28:3a

When is enough, enough?

/ Jana / 1 Comment

Time to get serious. The WGR class topic of “Appetites, Addictions, and Affections”  is really challenging me about why do we want what we want? And why are we rarely satisfied with what we want?

You can watch the classes online for these revelations about desire gone awry and its rescue. But for a sobering affect, I am sharing this photo from one of my summer cleansings.

66. Actually 66 pairs of shoes. There’s a good excuse or story about each pair. Sure some of them are old. Sure some of them are “special occasion” only. Some were from Goodwill, some were gifts. But stilll…66 pairs of shoes? Really?

I made myself pull them all out on the floor and look at them. It was gross. It was excessive. It was gluttony of a different kind. I had a flashback to high school when I had only four pairs of shoes. I had a flashback to my Zimbabwe trip in 2010 when the children and adults had No pairs.

So, when is enough, enough? shoes

I want to share part of my personal mandate.   It was a holy moment when Jesus whispered a secret in my ear of where we were going together. (Only in part you understand, He rarely gives us full detail.) And after a moment of incredulous joy I took a deep breath and said, “Wow, how are we going to that?”

“You must reorder your life,” He said.

That was in December 2011. And in the last 13 months He has continued to refocus my energies and attentions. He has brought books about simplifying, fasting, and letting go. He’s revealed moments of just how deep the affection for “more” really is in my heart. One moment was while we were on vacation. The beach condo we stayed at had a wickedly beautiful  walk-in closet. Chuck and I walked in and giggled, “Yeah baby, how about this?”  “This is what I need,” I said. “I hate how small our closets are at home.” I have an ongoing battle with my clothes being hung and put away, therefore clothes are often in piles on the floor.

Fast forward a couple of weeks through times with the Lord and some very pointed books about excess. I stood in front of my small but sufficient walk-in closet and I said out loud to the Lord, “How about I get rid of enough clothes to fit in my closet instead wanting a bigger closet for more clothes?” I felt Him nod in happy agreement.  Hence the reason my floor was covered in shoes.

Does it sound noble that I whittled my collection down to 33 pairs? Can I actually stomach the thought of that many pairs of shoes even though some of them are only worn once or twice a year? This is just one area of balancing that I am going after.

Here is what I am doing. You are welcome to join me. I am flushing my excess throughout my whole life. We swept  our bedrooms, including the girls’ rooms. If I don’t curb my “more” appetites, how will they learn they don’t “need” every toy, shirt, shoe, and stuff, stuff, stuff. They are so much happier now that there is room for “them” in their room, instead of their stuff. Then there are the books, our junk piles, my food choices. (Perhaps, just perhaps, Starbucks and Diet Coke is not a constitutional right.)

I asked a ministry that serves the homeless if they would take our clothes.  “Gladly, the homeless wear coats all year long,” she said. I put two coats in the box and was thankful and humbled that I had so many to choose from.

Here is the bottom line. God is asking me, and maybe you, to slough off those “things” that require our time. What do I spend time doing? Is it really necessary? If I didn’t have that, would I live? Would I have more time? more space to think? more energy to be with Him?

Not a hermit mindset, but a free one. More is really attainable. But it probably starts with less.

 

You can watch the  WGR class topic of “Appetites, Addictions, and Affections.”  online for more revelations about true freedom.

In Conflict, Check the Love Switch

/ Jana / 1 Comment

How do we repair relationships without first repairing our own hearts? The Lord and I have talked a lot about how to walk through conflict —you know, the relational blow-ups  that make you want to throw up? or run away? or cry? or break something?

God is depositing so many revelations about how to do life with others, even when it is messy. He is revealing a beauty in the process that is priceless and is almost worth the pain even. He is teaching me and you how to live as He lives. In Perfect Love.

Revelation One is to assess  why  this conflict is so big on our radar? Why the over the top emotional reaction ( select from prior list or add your own)?  Why go there? God loves you and me. God loves the other person. We are both good.  So let’s take a deep breath and just let the Holy Spirit tweak and heal without all the drama caused by insecurities. There is a peace that passes understanding. Drama steals that peace. So wait on the Lord to bring clarity, truth, and hope.

Speaking of insecurities, that is Revelation Two. We react because we are afraid the love has run out. Danny Silk calls it the Love Switch,  and when we get hurt the first thing we do is turn the Love Switch  off.    We get stung by actions or words and then we question the intentions of the offending person. Does this person really love me? Is this person safe? Without clearly knowing the love connection, the commitment to relationship, it is difficult to trust. So we scramble, attack, hide or blame.

We want to “resolve the problem” but where is the love? We have to let the Lord first heal our hearts through forgiveness and grace so we can get the love back on for that person. Intention is a two way street. How are we communicating our continued love in this hard circumstance? Are we still speaking love and affection even though there is conflict? Through Jesus, is the Love Switch on?

As believers, we know this is a reality that Jesus is pleased to empower because His love is everlasting.  He is teaching us how to love as He loves.  Keep your love switch on. This requires faith. Strong faith that God is truly working all things for your good, but also  for the other person’s good.  (I’m glad He is God. This makes my head hurt.)

“What are you, man, if you do not learn love?”  This question posed by Shawn MacDonald in the song Simply Nothing sums up Revelation Two.

And finally, Revelation Three came by way of  a pertinent blog by Seth Godin. When God is talking, teaching, healing, He brings truth from all directions. Read it and let the Lord have His way in your conflict.  Conflict  is part of our transformation.  We can press in to learn how to enjoy it because we trust the end result.  “Christ in you, the hope of glory.”

Two questions behind every disagreement, by Seth Godin

Are we on the same team? and

What’s the right path forward?

Most of time, all we talk about is the path, without having the far more important but much more difficult conversation about agendas, goals and tone.

Is this a matter of respect? Power? Do you come out ahead if I fail? Has someone undercut you? Do we both want the same thing to happen here?

The reason politics in my country is diverging so much from useful governance has nothing to do with useful conversations and insight into what the right path is. It’s because defeat and power and humiliation and money have replaced “doing what works for all of us” as the driving force in politics.

If you feel disrespected, the person you disagree with is not going to be a useful partner in figuring out what the right path going forward might be. If one party (employee/customer/investor) only wins when the other party loses, what’s the point of talking about anything but that?

Deal with the agenda items and the dignity problems first before you try to work out the right strategic choices. (emphasis added)

Sweetly Broken Abortion Healing Retreat

/ HeatherT / Leave a comment

“I thought I was over it.”

“I’ve never told anyone.”

“I’m afraid God is punishing me.”

“How can I make this right?”

“How can I forgive…?”

We know how you feel.  We have been there too.Through the fear, nightmares, denial, anger and regrets.

BUT we have passed through to a new place called peace, and true forgiveness.

We are still sad about the fact of our past, but we are no longer held captive by it.

God has shown us there is beauty in our brokenness.

We invite you to a tender, honest and safe weekend to
hear about how to walk forward in freedom.

What you can expect:

Time to process

Time to worship

Time to hear truth

Time to be honest

Time to sort out what’s next?

Teaching and materials by Jana Spicka.

2 night’s lodging at a lake house in Louisville, TN.

Check in at 5pm. First session at 7pm.  Check out Sunday at 11am.

Four meals and snacks. Breakfast, lunch and dinner on Saturday and breakfast on Sunday morning. (Friday night dinner is on your own before first session.)

This is an intimate gathering for 9 women.

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER.