Author: Jana

Pink Pigs and Black Lab

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Her name is Lucy.  She is a black lab that is a little over four months old. Wondering why you haven’t heard much about her?  Because her future has been on shaky ground these first 3 – 4 months…. What was I thinking to go back into Puppyland? But the verdict is in. She is definitely going to live, and live with us. I am so glad because this morning she provided a beautiful “Ah-ha” moment with the Lord about Unanswered Prayers.

The Lord and I have been talking a lot about the difference between feelings, facts and faith. Feelings are good, only not enough to build a life on. Facts are good but can be deceiving.  What are facts to me, may be not quite the whole picture from God’s perspective. My friend Mary made a great distinction between facts and Truth. She said facts are information but Truth is power.  Wow.  I loved that. And then finally, or rather ultimately, there is Faith. Belief in the unseen power, love and goodness of God. Ahhh– the squeeze begins.

“We wrestle not against flesh and blood.”
“Faith proved more precious than gold.”
“His ways are higher than our ways.”

Talk about tension.

God is revealing everything in my life that competes for His affection. I am pretty sure I want this or that. And He says “No, but you can have more of Me.”  I ask for something else. He says “No, but you can have more of Me.”  And on it goes.

I don’t feel bad about the process. I don’t think He does either. He is trying to show me how I go looking for the wrong thing, the lesser thing, the Un-needed thing over and over. He is painfully but lovingly showing me how I believe in what I can see more than what He has promised me. Enter Lucy.

Lucy has a whole bag of toys: Old shoes, a red lobster, an orange pumkin, and her favorite, “Blue,” a blobby blue toy with a face. Go figure. But every single day, I said every single day, Lucy sneaks into Charis’ room and nabs a pink pig slipper and lays down and begins chewing on it.

Every day I say no.  Some days she brings it to me as if to say, “Today?”  Other days, she waits ’til I am distracted and slinks off to her bed with it in her mouth. And of course I see her and take it away and give her one of her own toys. She seems oblivious to the fact that her whole world is governed by me; that I know the condition of her toys. I replace them as needed and buy her new ones just for fun. I buy her food and make sure she eats. I even clean up her many messes, some that are true accidents, and many that are on purpose.  But I do more than provide for her. I enjoy her.  I am here for her, but she is also here for me and my family.  There is an emotional exchange between us.

I am like Lucy more than I care to admit.  Every day, I ask for some stupid pink pig. Every day, I think that I have to scrounge, or that I can sneak, when the reality is, my world is governed by my Living God.  But I am more than a family pet to Him; I am His bride.

Really. You are too. Really.  Maybe faith is believing that those pink pigs are only distractions and the safest place I can be is in His arms.  There has been a Holy Exchange between us. I am here for Him. And He does more than provide; He enjoys me.

“He who did not spare his own Son, but gave Him up for us all—how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?” Romans 8:32

Can You Feel It?

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I was in this crazy meeting the other day, and my friend/mentor said: “The problem with Jana is she has to FEEL everything. She has to have a feeling before she takes action, or a feeling before she believes the facts.”

He kept talking, but I noticed everything went on pause for me as I considered what he said.  Is this a good thing or a bad thing to need to FEEL everything?

Yes. Both. I had to do a lot of work to learn how to feel emotions, love and confidence. I had to dig through a lot of rubbish to find my heart. So I don’t dismiss this progress. That’s the good part. But I also see that if I don’t FEEL the right thing, or enough of some thing, I pause, or stall, or panic. That’s the bad part.

Somewhere in here is the need for Faith.

Faith, I am coming to believe, is not built on feelings, but fact.  There are the FACTS of God that are true whether my feelings line up or not.  These facts have been in existence long before and long after my feelings stir, blaze, and fade.  And my answer to the gap that exists between fact and feeling is worship.

I declare over myself the realities of the Living God. I renounce the “spirit” of despair and announce the goodness of the Spirit of God.  I worship the Truest thing I know, the Love of God. And by faith, I believe my feelings will catch up sooner or later.

How do your feelings dictate, translate and frustrate your life, your successes, even your failures?

Seth Godin’s Blog really hit the spot this morning…  As you read it, do a heart check and get moving.  “Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.” Hebrews 10:23

I don’t feel like it

What’s it?

Why do you need to feel like something in order to do the work? They call it work because it’s difficult, not because it’s something you need to feel like.

Very few people wake up in the morning and feel like taking big risks or feel like digging deep for something that has eluded them. People don’t usually feel like pushing themselves harder than they’ve pushed before or having conversations that might be uncomfortable.

Of course, your feelings are irrelevant to whether or not the market expects great work. Do the work. Ignore the feelings part and the work will follow.

~ Seth Godin

Impossible = Miracle

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This revelation is too big to eat in one sitting.  So today’s manna is an appetizer portion with one of those big, leafy, lettuce things under it.

Do you ever listen to your own prayers?

I need…. I need…. I need….

I want, I won’t, I don’t, I can’t…

Are You…will You… aren’t You…when, why, how are You going to….?

It really is kind of scary. Not that God doesn’t love our heart felt cries for His help. He has complete mercy and grace for His children.

But what if we are praying all — I don’t know–wrong? What if we don’t have to persuade God to action, but rather we pray to persuade ourselves to believe?

Do we want lives of ease and even boredom, or do we want to see God in action?

Too often our prayers revolve around asking God to reduce the odds in our lives. We want everything in our favor. But maybe God wants to stack the odds against us so we can experience a miracle of divine proportions. Maybe faith is trusting God no matter how impossible the odds are. Maybe our impossible situations are opportunities to experience a new dimension of God’s glory.

pg 24, In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day.

I am so confronted by my desire for divine relief instead of the display of God’s glory. How bad is your situation? Pretty bad, huh? Then it is really, really important for us to know: Just how big is our God?

Main course on Monday.

Can You Hear Him Singing?

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“Walk towards me
I want to hear
The heavens singing over you.”

I just had this most fantastic conversation with my friend about “sitting in the presence of the Lord and talking to Him.”  She is going through a really hard time with medical issues but the Lord is showing her those physical symptoms are also related to her heart issues.  And she said this beautiful thing: “I was working on all these things but I still wasn’t seeing what was in my heart. There was a lie in my heart that He wanted me to see.”

God doesn’t just want to make us feel better, or give us relief for a moment. He wants us to be healed. Free. Healed and walking in newness of life. But we cannot walk in newness of life and still hold on to the same old lies. In her life, and in my own (perhaps in yours?) I can see the circumstances circling and tightening like a python.  Yet instead of squeezing life out, this holy paralysis is forcing stillness.  God will immobilize us if necessary just so we can look Him in the eyes and see that He “will fight thousands for my love.”

Will we sit in the presence of the Lord and journal? Ask Him questions, hard questions.  Will we let Him ask us questions? Hard questions.  And will we let our hearts see the lies He is exposing?  God wants us to “know the truth” so that we will be free indeed.

Today, perhaps, stop fighting the python. Stop struggling to escape the circumstances. Instead, sit. Write. Listen. Ask. Believe. See the lies that keep you in torment. Renounce them, let them go, call on the Lord.

And if you listen long enough, you will hear heaven singing over you.

For My Love (listen)

Walk towards me
I want to hear
The heavens singing over you
When you breathe
And look at me
I want to be captured by you

Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

I want to hide
What’s deep in my eyes
I’m scared to be known by you
But when I turn my head
And see you there
I want to be pursued

Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

A dream I won’t wake from
A story that will never end
The ground your feet walk on
Let me be there, let me be there

by Bethany Dillon

You Know Better Than I…

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Last night in the WGR class, the Lord brought back to mind a fantastic song of faith.  It is from the movie, Joseph, King of Dreams.  I tell you, every time I watch the movie or even hear the song, I cry.  It seems the song always finds me in a place of need, and the words invite me back into the arms of my loving God. I also cry because of the picture of Joseph’s journey— from the golden child favored by his father, full of promise and dreams, to sold as a slave and then prison.  What must it really have felt like?

His story strengthens me. Did Joseph think God had lied? Did he feel despair or abandoned?  Did his dreams strengthen him in the dungeon, or haunt him?  Joseph’s life is a parable of our own.  We have dreams and plans, but God has His own path for us. I am finding that sometimes, actually most times, we have to go through worse to get to better.  Joseph learned to see God in it all. Every step of the way.

I want that too.  I want faith and love even in the dungeon.  May God strengthen and persuade us that His ways are better and are altogether good, and He uses all things to accomplish His purposes, for us and for others. “What you meant for evil against me, God meant for good.”

Even Joseph’s dreams could not have predicted  or prepared him for the path that led from the dungeon to saving a nation.  What did God deposit in the dungeon that prepared Joseph’s heart for the days ahead? Perhaps only this: “You know better than I.”

And that was enough, for Joseph and for us.

Here is a link to watch the movie clip with the lyrics. I hope you are blessed as much as I am every time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8oL6HlzQZLo

He is Able, But Is He Willing?

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Ever have those days that you don’t dare say, “What else can go wrong?” because you are so afraid that it WILL?

Yes? Welcome to my world.

When it gets frantic,  I notice that I want to “do” a lot of things to make myself feel better. Clean. Get angry. Fix it. Yell at it. Run away. And my personal favorite, blame, blame, blame.

So I go to my bathroom to vent, and I find I am mostly mad at God. What on earth has He done, you ask?  Well that is why I am mad. To me, it looks like He is not doing anything, because my circumstances are getting worse, not better. And you know as well as I do that He has the power to help me. So when He does not, or at least does not on my time table, I accuse Him of not caring about me.

Then I hear my friend Kristen talking about “striving with my Maker.”  When I am fighting God, I am fighting for control, or afraid that He will kill me with His driving. So I reach over and grab the wheel.   Not smart. I hear the words of a song, “when fears are stilled and strivings cease…”

And His Spirit reminds me of the verse from the weekend that He made come alive.  “For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ” Matthew 6:32

Why do I flip out about bills, and trip expenses, and groceries, and all the other things?  Why do I run after them as if I am all alone and it is all on me to make this happen?

My Heavenly Father knows I need them.  He doesn’t just know. He knows I need.  And He really does care.

I don’t have to run after those things, I just have to run to Him, with faith, believing He knows and He is willing.

Digging Up Bones on FB

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So I thought it was just me. But then I do a couple of retreats and I hear the same thing over and over. I ask women or men, “How did this crazy thing start anyway?”

“Well they asked me to be their friend on Facebook.”

Sometimes there is a reason that seasons pass and doors are closed.  Sometimes there are very good reasons that they should stay closed.

Connecting with old lovers while you’re married: not a good idea.

Talking more to your ex boyfriend on FB than you do to your husband, or he does his wife: not a good idea.

Friending ex husbands or wives?  Uhm, wasn’t the point of the divorce to NOT be in relationship?

And what if you aren’t married?  Aren’t rules different then?  I don’t know; what are you looking for?  Facebook is great for connecting people but it is also great for inserting people that have no place in your life.

I mean seriously…why on earth do I want to be “Friends” with a person with whom my only connection is sexual stupidity in high school? What is he supposed to say to me?  “Gee remember when we ——–? And now I see you have two kids? How great. And how is your husband?”

I know this is all under the blood of Christ. I have forgiven myself and them. Maybe you have too. But is it healthy to renew these relationships? I would say after talking to several men and women who are losing their hearts to phantom relationships, this breach in boundaries is just one more attack on marriage, or the hope of a healthy relationship. People can be toxic for us, even from afar.

Perhaps there is no sexual contact. But isn’t the mind and its ability to rewrite history strong enough to distract from the now? I am talking to people who just like “to watch what is happening in this person’s life.”  What do you think fosters fantasy anyway?  Watching from afar with no reality of relationship.

Brothers and sisters, beware.   Corinthians says “just because something is technically legal doesn’t make it spiritually beneficial.” (The Message) I encourage you to guard your hearts in Christ Jesus.  Guard your homes.

Don’t allow the enemy to entice your hearts away, especially when your heart is dissatisfied or hurting in your marriage or relationship status already. Don’t believe the lie that it is harmless. It is not.

“The name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous run into it and are safe.” Proverbs 18:10  Run to the Lord, and “defriend” the obstacles to your real relationships.

A Question of Worth, by Guest Blogger, Laura Jones

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Hi, sisters!  Pray for Jana as she’s getting ready to teach ANOTHER retreat this weekend.  She asked me to share one of my stories with you, so I wanted to let you in on a conversation Lyschel and I had the other day.  Hope her words bless you like they did me. ~ Laura

A Question of Worth

“I’m so mad!  She’s just so belittling and nit picky.  I can never please her!  And it was the STUPIDEST argument anyway.  And I was right!  And she wouldn’t admit it.  And I don’t want to appologize to her because she’s being a ____.”  I dumped all this in Lychel’s ear.

“On top of that, I had to take out a school loan.  I’m embarrassed that I even need one.  I should manage my money better,” I added. “Moreover, I cried at the bank because I was so upset over the argument. That’s embarassing too.  I feel like a total loser.”

Lychel just listened.  “You have permission to be mad, if that’s what you’re looking for.  And you’re not a loser.  You’re God’s.   You’re so good. Remember that your value isn’t based on your performance.”

“I know you’re right.  I just want to know why it bugs me SO badly when someone acts like I’m stupid. Why am I feelng so much embarassment?  Why does it matter so much?”

“Sounds like there are a lot of  ‘worth’ questions in there to me.”  Lyschel replied.

Bingo.  I knew she had just hit home.  Jesus has been talking a lot to  me lately about my worth to Him. Why is it that He treasures me again? 

Because of how smart I am?  No.   

My service? No. 

My loving others well and always being kind?  No.  Good thing, because I just blew that one.

He loves me because of Who He is.  Because it delightes Him to do so.  He calls me a pearl.  Because of WHO He made me. My worth is a WHO not a WHAT.

And in loving but uncomfortable ways, He’s letting me see that too!  He’s letting me see that I can’t determine my value by anything other than what He determines it by:  What HE says, and Who HE is.

 

Weight of the Snow

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With all the snow, no snow, everyone-else-but-us-gets-snow drama, I am frankly a little over the conversation. But in our brief visit with snow here in East Tennessee, the Lord reminded me of one important lesson and taught me a couple of others.

Looking out my bedroom window, the whole hillside was one thick blanket of white. Now compared to Northern snow accumulation, our blanket was more like an afghan, or a little fleece throw.  But everything had been truly transformed into a glittering white wonderland. The Lord, quietly as the snow falls, brought back memories of the first snow after my salvation experience.  It was the Blizzard of ’93.

Talk about snow. That day as I enjoyed the deep breath that always comes after a heavy snow, and marveled at the sheer beauty of the white expanse,  the Lord brought to mind words from an old hymn: “Sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow.” My heart stopped for a moment. As a new believer, I needed that tangible, living picture of what God had done and was doing.  He took my torn and ravaged heart and life, and washed it, covered it, transformed it into a glittering white wonderland. So now when I see a landscape transformed, with no control or ability to self-snow, I thank the Lord once again for His unfailing grace and love.

This year’s revelation is equally thoughtful. When we turned on the radio to assess one of the “impending” snow storms, (there were three whole flakes on the ground) they kept talking about the “weight of the snow” and its ability to break power lines.

I don’t know why but that phrase keeps rolling around in my head. The weight of the snow.  Think tiny flakes that add one on another. Each one unique and different. One author likened the snow as evidence of God’s ability to be Creator of us all.  We balk at the notion of 7 billion people being valued originals. But one has only to measure a couple of city blocks of snow, covered in billions of original snow flakes to see this kind of creative endeavor is no hill for a Climber.

However, I am going in a different direction.  Just as there is a weight of snow, there is a weight of God’s grace.  And we sometimes view grace like we do snow. We question whether we will even get grace. Whether it is enough to even be concerned about. We complain that some get more than others. Then we flip radical switches and fear God will break our power lines and render us helpless and stranded. Of course, all the while, we talk, predict, disparage and mumur about the “snow” instead of talking to the “Snow Maker.”

There is a weight of God’s grace. Like a robe that has been thrown over our shoulders. We can feel it. Tangibly know it is there. There is also an accumulation of His grace. It seems hardly worth the notice but when it starts pouring, it changes everything. It causes us to stop and breathe, to redirect our routes, to get out and play. It even teaches us how to prepare for when things go completely awry and we are without independent power. We hole up and wait.

One thing about this picture that is kind of scary and kind of fun: we never know when we will get either, snow or grace. Only that we will. Just as as He boasts of his “storehouses of snow,” our God has limitless grace. You can eat it, wear it, play in it, build in it and you can even crash in it.
He is the everlasting Grace Giver.

Enjoy your “snow” days.

Power of Confession

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I have been having some interesting conversations about confession. In fact, I had this dream about a dear friend of mine who is running hard after freedom. We had had dinner together and she was saying, “I just don’t know what to do next?” That night I dreamed she was sitting in the middle of this swirling wind and a voice kept repeating, “Confess that you may be healed.”

When she began confessing all the hidden places, lies, hurts, people, beliefs, the whirlwind got stronger and stronger around her and began changing colors. She was laughing and crying and confessing.

Did that just weird you out as much as it did me?

But then there is another friend who is trying get free from tragic happenings in her past. Again, “confess” was the word that came to mind for her.

Cliff notes on confession:

Remember that confession is agreeing with God.

It is owning and calling sin by name: people, actions, feelings, etc.

It is being willing to think about sin the way God does.

People think that confession produces condemnation but actually the opposite is true. When we call things what they are, we walk in the light of Truth. Nothing hidden or disguised. No lies. God already knows the truth, He desires that we KNOW the truth that we might be set free.

This can very hard to do with such an enemy on our heels. There is this Fantastic book that addresses head on the enemy’s tactics but it has a Scandalous title. All the church ladies prepare to gasp in offense…(Wait, are there really church ladies reading this blog? Right. So forward ho.)

The book is called “Emotional Bullshit.” There I said it. And I wish I had written it because it captures some really great insight into Denial, Delusion and Blame. The author even calls those three combined tactics the Toxic Trio.

Here is how it works. I am confronted by my own need to take responsibility for an action or belief. I don’t want to confront or own that responsibility so I deny it. Then I create some story that supports my denial, then I blame someone else for what is happening to me.

Let’s use food as an example. (Did I just hear a collective groan?) I am not taking care of my physical body. I am stiff and don’t like the way I look, and I need to lose weight for my health. These are the facts. This is where I need to take 100% responsibility to change my lifestyle so that those three things might change. Exercise and a better diet will decrease the stiffness, change the way I look, and improve my health. I have the power over all of those choices.

BUT: if I refuse to exert my power over those choices, I have to create some story as to WHY I can’t change. So I exaggerate, or fabricate, or procrastinate the circumstances to make up a B.S. story about why I am stuck. And almost ALWAYS my B.S. story will have someone ELSE being the reason or problem, the culprit, the cause of why I can’t change. See if my health is dependent on someone or something else, then I am not responsible for me. Voila’! Emotional Bullshit at its finest.

This is why confession is the key to all things. Confession is a completely counter-flesh concept. Only the Spirit of God leads the spirit to come to the the throne of a merciful God. It is the Spirit who convicts of sin. Not accusation, that is demonic. Not condemnation, that is only part of the enemy’s tactics.

But confession comes from God and returns to God. When you confess with your mouth those things that you are afraid of saying to God, you will be healed. It is His promise to us.

“He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” Proverbs: 28:13

So in every day life, not just the stronghold issues we face, but moment by moment, we ask the Lord to sweep our hearts. When He puts His loving finger on that heart attitude or action, word or deed, then we don’t resort to Emotional B.S. but we learn to confess.

“Yes Lord, thank You for showing me that. I see You are making me whole hearted.”

Just watch yourself today. It can be a fun exercise to see how much you shift and squirm to get away from being responsible for your own life…