unhindered

The More of Marriage: a mini-series, part 2

/ Jana / Leave a comment

Marriage has shown me my lack of grace, my need for grace, and the reality  of God’s grace.

I have these random memories.  Like puzzle pieces, God put things into place long before I was even aware He was working on me.  One memory is of my arrogant self telling our supposed pre-marrital counselor (snort) that “I am a great catch. And I don’t need Chuck, but I choose him.”  (Poor counselor. Poor Chuck.)

Fast forward to somewhere around year 5 when a wise friend from church asked me what I would do to save my already suffering marriage. I said emphatically, “ANYTHING.”IMG_0972

“Would you quit your job?” he said looking me dead in the eye without flinching. He had nailed my pride,  independence, superiority.  Shocked by the suggested sacrifice, I had to sit squarely and solemnly in the reality of being a liar.  I wouldn’t really do ANYTHING.  I  only wanted to do enough to  make Chuck act better for me.  After a great deal of gnashing my teeth with God, I realized that He could and would do ANYTHING — if my heart was humble before Him.

So I did. It did. God did.   I quit my job and launched my marriage in a different direction.  God was up to something better for me, for us.  My marriage radically changed when I saw my lack of grace for Chuck and I acknowledged  my need for grace to let go of ideas and actions that were poisoning my marriage. It is one thing to say you’re committed; it is another thing to act committed —especially when those acts require sacrifice.  Jesus  knows all about the cost of sacrifice, and it’s why He offers us His loving grace to do it.

From years 10-15,  there are lots of memories and  journal entries of “when Lord, when” or “why Lord why” or “help, Lord help.”

Funny now to think of it all.  I don’t how God carried us, but He did. Every day.  8030 days.  Sometimes we walked with Him. Sometimes He carried us in His arms while we were sleeping, or weeping, or too sick to walk.  Sometimes, He pulled us along,  His firm hand clamped around ours, as we kicked and screamed down the road He had determined. But He was there from the start in all the chaos, dreams, and questions. From the start He was planting life and hope and renewal. And as we went along He whispered…

“Trust Me.”

“Look at Me.”

“Expect Me to Change Things.”

“Believe for Good.”

I know folks married 30 – 50+ years are laughing at me.  In that world of marital staying power,  I am only a youngster.  But if you are under the 20 year mark, you need to know that God’s grace really is yours. It’s not a  pithy church statement. It is a divine fact, a gift, an investment.  He pours in to us what we cannot manufacture on our own. He never gets tired, frustrated or quits. We might, but Jesus doesn’t.

His grace is always available, and it comes to those who know they need it. Chuck and I have grieved over our hard-headedness and hard-heartedness. Why did we wait so long to humble ourselves before God and before each other in so many sticky places?

Our goal now is to shorten the recovery time.  After this many years, we are learning to bypass the manipulation by silence or anger or emotional explosions. We are more eager to get to the heart of the matter…. Really, the Heart of the matter. God’s heart. Chuck’s heart. My heart. “God what am I missing here?  I am committed to this person more than I am committed to being right, so give me grace to see what you see.”

Even in those times when one of us was more eager for health than the other, Grace happens. I have found that many times the only reason ONE person is still holding on, is because God’s grace is at work.  With so much marital collapse all around, we shy away from clinging to His grace and our vows.  Yet I believe it is a sure promise for those who desire to cross the finish line.

Truly, His Grace is all sufficient. For every need, He is there.

Room for Wonder

/ Jana / 1 Comment

We make all kinds of allowances for fear, worry and stress.  We take meds. We have talk shows. We have lots of diagnoses. But I am not sure we are actually getting any where.

My friend Heather said, “this way of life is scandalously simple.” Let me explain the math.

Jesus is the Son of God. He can do anything. (Check your own qualifiers and excuses that just surfaced.) He loves us completely, in fact He adores us.  Lavish is the word that comes to mind.  All through scripture we see Him saying radical things like:

  • Ask and believe.
  • With God all things are possible.
  • If you believe, you will see the glory of God.

Yet we don’t ask. We don’t be believe. And we don’t see His glory.

What are we waiting for??  The Lord told me the other day that I was too comfortable. I wasn’t attempting anything that needed a miracle.  A God life should be so big that it takes God to pull it off.  How big is your life, your ask, your need?  How big is your God? How great is your faith?  Mary turned to Jesus for help when they had run out of wine.  Not a life or death situation. Not healing. It was a party.  And after she asked she immediately turned to the servants and said, “do whatever he tells you do.”

Belief. Waiting. Expecting.

There should always be “room for wonder” in our lives. We have to let go of the control and confines and leave space for God to show up and show off. But instead of waiting in wonder, we often quit, lament, or take it back in our own hands.

Let’s be done, shall we?  Let’s whisper our prayers in faith, fully knowing that He listening and ready to pour out. Let’s pray for others knowing that God is ready to be God to them. Let’s do whatever he tells us. And then let’s sit back after the miracle with hearts full of wonder and give God all the glory for being God. He is so worthy of all our praise.

 

WGR Class Fall Semester Begins August 23rd!!

/ HeatherT / Leave a comment

What is WGR class?

Jana is inviting hungry women to pursue the scripture and stories to see how the Lord builds intimacy through our senses.  This is an unusual class with hands on activities, soaking worship, and real seasons to hear from the Lord personally and powerfully.

The class is for all ages and does not require perfect attendance. Or homework.

We are meeting every Thursday at Cedar Springs Presbyterian Church in room B203 from 6:30-8:30pm.  CSPC is located at the corner of Kingston Pike and Cedar Bluff at 9132 Kingston Pike.  Free childcare will be provided with registration.  Please click here to register.

We will also be live streaming class this year so you can tune in at home!  Just visit the WGR UStream channel at http://www.ustream.tv/channel/womengettingreal to join the class every week at 6:30pm EST!  

For specific details around the class please feel free to email us at info@womengettingreal.com.

Yes or No, both are Good

/ Jana / Leave a comment

Sometimes it is good to state the obvious.

My kids still act shocked by it, but on occasion, I tell them “No.”  I usually have  a good reason, or insight, or hunch that they may, or may not see– or agree with. But the answer remains a no. And, I still love them. I have begun saying to them, “My No is as loving as my Yes.” I want to plant in them that I am not mad when I say no. I am not delighting to torment them, or purposely spoiling their idea of fun.

As a parent, I have to look at the big picture, the overall story of what they want  and what I want, who else is involved, the long term effects, even the unforeseen consequences or rewards. Out of love, I tell them–yes. Out of love, I tell them– no. But both are love. My kids Love my yes answers. I get all kinds of gleeful responses. My no answers are not greeted with such enthusiasm.

I ask my kids to trust me even if they disagree. I ask them to trust that I am moving out of heart of love for them. Obvious, right?

Now if I do that so imperfectly, how much more trustworthy is Our Father? When the Spirit tells us ‘no, you can’t have that, do that, go there, say that,’ how much love is He showing us? He cares so much for us that He walks with us, in us. He says because of His goodness and abundance we can run full out.

God says with a smiling whisper, “Go!”  When we fall, no worries, He is there. Just get back up and keep running.

But then He says—no, stop, wait. He wants us to respond with as much love and affection as we do when He says run full out.  Picture His face when He says no.  Is He scowling, condemning, smirking, or ridiculing? God forbid.

He is still smiling, with a secret twinkle in His eyes, and whispers, “No. But trust Me. I can only give you good.”

God does say “no.” And He still loves you. It’s obvious. But we need to translate it rightly. His no is as loving as His yes.

A Wedding, a Baby Shower and a Funeral

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Within a month I will have attended all three of these life events. These reality checks should be mandatory once a year for every human being. Why? Because they remind us of promises and futures. They give us perspective on our choices, and what we are sowing and reaping. And, if our hearts are beating at all, we will cry at all three.

Take weddings for example. The bride and groom’s ardent affection make me remember when love was new and the wounds not yet inflicted. I need to remember the helplessly giddy feelings—and cry. Am I still willing to give my heart to my husband with abandon?  But their beaming faces also make me smile because I know, with God’s grace over time, those fresh, gushing promises of forever love and good behavior will turn into more than they could imagine. The wish for “happily ever after” will become a deep reservoir of victories and defeats, little deaths and resurrections, a history of two lives being melded into one. Love is transformed from shallow rapids in a stream into deep still waters.

Baby showers are bittersweet too. Reading the fear and panic on the faces of new moms, or moms again, remind me of just how fast time flies and just how faithful God is. You only have to be a few miles down the road to realize that the sweet cuddles are gone in a moment. Did I stop long enough to enjoy them? Did I plant the seeds of loving God in my children? The messes, questions and hopes of those beginning years will soon be whispers in our memory. God really is big enough to be God to our children, not just to us.  And He will be their God even in our bad moments and failures.

Fortunately, this funeral celebrated a woman who loved God. So we did “not grieve as they who have no hope.” It was a refreshing change to celebrate a life well-walked with Jesus. It caused me to pause and reflect. Am I living in such a way that people know I love God? Not works. Just fruit. This woman had a beautiful display of fruit in the testimonies of others’ lives.

In contrast, the last several funerals I’ve attended have been for unbelievers or spiritual fence-sitters. It is amazing how we speak with gymnastic prowess around death when hell is very real.  None of us can bear the thought of eternal separation from God, yet those people chose separation from Him in this life.  Here is a hard question. If you don’t want to be with Jesus now, why would you want to go to heaven and be with Him forever?

When I die, I  don’t want the speakers to be hanging on some tightrope that I am with Jesus based on some long forgotten church experience. I told Chuck, “If I go first, you tell the people at my funeral that there is no question about whose I am and where I am. I am with my Lover and I had just talked to Him the day I died.”   Chuck laughed and shook his head. “I know honey, I know.”

Life well in Christ so you can die well Christ.

Don’t sleepwalk through your life. Examine, reflect, celebrate, change course. Plant God and harvest His life.

A New Spin on Forgiveness

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I love it when the Holy Spirit blows me up. He keeps bringing revelation about love and forgiveness. At Yes and Amen  the Lord  called for us to fall in love with Him.  How do we love Him more? At WGR class last Tuesday, we looked at the parable Jesus told about the two debtors.

“Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”

Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”

“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said. (Luke 7:41)

Jesus used this parable to challenge the hard-hearted homeowner who scorned the woman washing Jesus’s feet with her tears.  The bottom line is he who has been forgiven much, loves much. Jesus directly equates our ability to love with our willingness to receive forgiveness from God. But there’s more.

Sunday morning, I was in a wad  before church and  journaled out some confusion and frustrations in relationships. The Lord spoke that forgiveness was the key. So I wrote out the names of the strained relationships and asked the Lord to bring forgiveness to bear in the hearts involved. Then, what was the topic at church on Sunday morning?

Yes, a message on forgiveness. There were  new pieces revealed in this conversation with the Lord even as the pastor was speaking.

The pastor, Scott Hughes,  taught out of Luke 9 where Jesus said that if we are to follow him, we must take up our cross daily. I began to groan under the hint of “work it up” theology, but  Scott quickly commented how misunderstood this verse is. He broke down the meaning. The cross is a symbol of God’s love, the sacrifice of Jesus, the total forgiveness of our sin, but also the sin of every person in the world.  The cross means I’m forgiven, but so is the person I have conflict with.

So when we take up our cross daily, we take up, we carry around with us, the weight, the meaning, the reality, of God’s love and his total forgiveness. We carry the cross so we think rightly about our relationship with God and our total acceptance by Him. But we also carry the cross as a reminder that the others in our lives, even the ones we want to punch in the face, are also dearly loved and forgiven by God.

Then the Lord added His beautiful touch of revelation and the pieces starting connecting together like magnets pulling pins together.

He brought back a memory from another sermon from a few Easter’s ago. Greg Pinkner had fish tank on the stage and illustrated the story of the ax head being raised up out of the river. He said it was a picture of the resurrection of Christ. Greg had a blooming dogwood branch in his hand. As as he taught — about things begin buried, out of reach, and should not be able to be raised up, things like an ax head, like our sin, like  the crucified man named Jesus—he would push the dogwood branch down to the bottom of the water and hold it there.

But as he talked about the power of God, the power of His word, the heart of God to restore all things, Pinkner would release the branch and it would spring back to the surface of the water. The branch could not stay submerged. It had to come to the surface. He did this three or four times. By the third time, I wanted to stand up and yell HALLELUJAH!!! God has taken our sin and our separation and by His own Hand, He buried it in Jesus, once and for all. And then by His own mercy, He called Jesus back out of the grave and us with Him! Jesus could not stay in the grave!

So the cross isn’t just a sign of death. It is a sign of Life. New Life. Resurrected Life. When we pick up our cross daily we can take our offenses and hurts and “bury them” in the Cross of Jesus. He will bring new life where there was only death and separation before. And part of His new life, is an increased love for Him and for others because of this beautiful forgiven and resurrected life.

Oh the beauty of the Forgiving Father! The power of the Resurrected Christ! The promise of the Wonderful Counselor who leads us into increasing freedom with others, and from others.

Could we love others more if we forgave more? Could we love others more if we embraced how much we have been forgiven by God? May God grant us eyes to see and ears to hear all that He has in store for us through His love.

Unhindered Encounter

/ Lyschel / Leave a comment

 

 

 

 

 

The Unhindered Encounter is a candid conversation about how we’ve formed our definition of beauty, what it is costing us emotionally, how it effects our choices in relationships, how porn poisons our perceptions and how our God has more than pat answers to offer to all of this.  It is a powerful weekend to be washed by Truth.

At the Unhindered Encounter we use live worship, teaching, the Bible, multi-media, meditation, and friend-talk to unveil the honest questions that plague us as women. Questions about beauty, worth, sex, men. But we also spend time asking God what he thinks about us and these questions.  Read more about this event here.

Friday Night March2, 7pm-9:30pm

Saturday Morning March 3, 9am-1pm

FREE ADMISSION!

A Vision Requiring Demolition

/ Jana / 6 Comments

I had the good fortune of being invited to South Dakota to speak. My dear friend Amanda, who used to be on my leadership team in Knoxville, had returned home to her roots. Once there, she wanted to bring the Unhindered message to the women of her area so she set that ball in motion.  Of course, since Mt. Rushmore was on my bucket list, I was doubly delighted to agree to come.

As usual, things are not as they appear. We arrived at the national monument and what I thought was casual “down time” on Friday morning before I taught that night, turned out to be a major “download.” He is so funny.  Here is part one.

The sight of this huge mountain that has been polished and shaped by human hands is impressive, confounding and awe-inspiring. You don’t really get the magnitude of the project until you stand at the base of it. And then comes the story behind the work of art.

A man named Doane Robinson had a vision of transformation. He looked for a sculptor who could bring it to life. At the age of 58, Gutzon Borglum took on the great task of changing  this portion of the Black Hills into a breath-taking phenomenon.

58.

When most people are thinking about retirement and kicking back, the man took on a project so huge that it took his son and 400 men to complete it. But my first “Ah-ha” moment was looking at the pile of rubble at the mountain’s feet. Dynamite, chisels, jack hammers, all tools in the hands of craftsmen, were used to remove whatever was necessary to bring the faces to life. No one notices the broken pieces of mountain debris heaped up. No one hears the explosions or sees the blasting away of excess rock. The process is over. But the outcome is lasting and astounding. 

Wouldn’t it be absurd if bystanders intervened and said, “The noise is too much, please stop.” Or, “You might hurt the mountain, we will settle for half a face of Jefferson.”  Or even, “It is taking too long, why not go ahead a quit?” Ridiculous.

The vision was worth the risk and effort. How much more worth it is your transformation to God? When we see you for who you really are, we will be so thankful that the Holy Spirit did not listen when you or others said, “too much effort required,” “too much money,” “too late to make changes.”

You are God’s masterpiece. He loves working to bring out of the rock the Beauty of You. In the end, no one will see the rubble at your feet, only the glory of God in your face.

Fountain Springs Community Church presents an Unhindered Encounter

/ Lyschel

Join Us for a two day event.

A candid conversation about how we’ve formed our definition of beauty, what it is costing us emotionally, how it effects our choices in relationships, how porn poisons our perceptions and how God has more than pat answers to offer to all of this.

Its a powerful weekend to be washed by Truth.

March 18th, 7:00pm – 9:30pm

March 19th, 8:30am -1:00pm

Ticket includes a goodie bag, snacks and two days of teaching.
($20 in advance and $30 at the door.)

To learn more about the Unhindered Encounter click here.

You’re My Beloved

/ Jana / 1 Comment

It is so perfect that Valentine’s Day falls so quickly after the last Unhindered Encounter. Watching God literally sweep women out of their pews and off their feet is truly “supernatural.”

You heard Him clearly. You didn’t hear Him clearly. You are messed up. You are naked and exposed. You are confirmed and affirmed like never before. So I wanted to offer this bit of coaching for the “now what” phase we all enter.  The only thing I can tell you is let go. Let go. Continue letting go. I told a friend of mine this morning, “Just fall into His arms.”

When I get bound up in questions like, How do I look?, Is this right? Am I on track? — my eyes are still on me. It is a lot  like when you are learning how to dance; you watch your feet. But when you look at the face of the person you are dancing with, you let go of getting it just right. Look into His face. Sure you will stumble and step on His feet, but His arms steady you. Over time, you will begin to feel the rhythm of the music, the feeling of His embrace. If you will let yourself go,  you stop worrying about what your feet are doing because you just want to move to the music. Move to His music. And keep asking for more.

You know what I am going to do today? I’m going to make Him a Valentine card. I want my heart to be His. So I thought I would stretch and see what happens when I ask Him to be my Valentine.  Remember it is about the dancing, not the feet.

Just enjoy the process of discovery. He sure does. “I am my beloved’s and His desire is for me.”