trust

How Big is Your God?

/ Jana / 2 Comments

Today my friend Anna sent me this amazing youtube… Francis Chan – Balance Beam

You gotta watch it. But more than watching, you gotta get this. You get to decide what kind of life you live. Big or small. Strong or impotent. Reaching out or closed in. God-sized or  man-safe.

I think of big things when I watch this. I think of God setting men and women free. I think of God teaching the next generation how to truly value a woman. I think of God rescuing the women and children in the sex trade, of breaking down the strongholds of adultery and perversion. I think of crazy faith adventures to impact places like Zimbabwe, India, even little ole Knoxville…

But I also think of things closer to home.  I think of God getting me out of my fear zone when it comes to money and securty. And God getting me out of my comfort zone, my church zone, my “rights” zone.  I want to be free from all these places where it actually boils down to one thing: control. I try to grab hold of that balance beam so that everything appears to be in my grasp and under my control. But the more I grab, the less freedom I have, the less I can look up and see God, the less I can walk forward.

I watch this kind of God-sized abandon and I want to blow the doors off this puny little world I’ve created. Won’t you join me?

How about today let’s stand up and walk. Let’s let go of the beam. Sure our knees are shaking, sure we might fall. But our God holds us.

“He’s got the whole world in his hands.”

Let’s live a God-sized life.  One so big that only God in us could pull it off.

So Take A Step. . .

/ Jana / Leave a comment

“Nothing is impossible with You
Nothing is impossible.
Nothing is impossible with You,
You hold my world in your hand.

I believe that you’re my healer,
I believe you’re my everything
Jesus you’re all I need.”

This song, Healer by Kari Jobe, is what the Lord woke me up with this morning. I love that. I love Him. I love that I can be running around inside my own head screaming, or sitting in a corner sucking my thumb (figuratively, of course) and He cares enough to encourage and soothe and inspire me.

I don’t know if you have seen the movie, The Count of Monte Cristo (2002), but among many great quotes is one made by the dying priest. They are both serving life imprisonments and nearing completion of an escape tunnel. After a mortal wounding, the priest bequeaths his hidden fortune to Dantes. The pious priest instructs the wrongly imprisoned Edmond Dantes to not waste his pending freedom by committing the crimes he was unjustly serving time for. Bent on revenge, Dantes says he will surely do that very thing.

The priest says to Dantes, “Here is your final lesson – do not commit the crime for which you now serve the sentence. God said, ‘Vengeance is mine’.”

Dantes retorts, ” I don’t believe in God.”

“It doesn’t matter. He believes in you,” the priest said.

Why would God believe in us? Why would He go to such lengths to strengthen and spur us on to good works? There are obvious world needs that demand intervention. But on a more personal level, I think it is a multi-layer answer. When you or I hear His still small voice and respond, He is delighted that we recognize Him.  When you or I recognize Him and attempt something beyond our little world, He is delighted that we acknowledge His power, His presence, His glory. When we acknowledge Him, we see Him more fully, and thus we see us more fully. He wins. We win.

Just now I am reminded of Psalm 147: 10-11

His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of a man;the LORD delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.

We hope in Him, we trust, depend, expect, desire, stretch, wrestle, and decide on Him.  How can you love that which is never known?  How can you trust that which is never tested? And how can you grow faith if it is never required?

All this to say, we are sending in our $100 deposits for two seats to Zimbabwe. Nothing is impossible with You.

Let Earth Receive Her King – Part I

/ Jana / 1 Comment

Joy to the World, the Lord is come.  Let earth receive her King.

I have had a phenomenal revelation this weekend in the unlikely form of a Surprise Birthday Party. My ever clever husband conspired with my children (what restraint!) to have me, completely clueless, walk in to a room full of loving friends saying, “Surprise!”  My first response was shock. I stood there open-mouthed, dumbfounded and speechless. Which is a RARE condition for me. But my next responses were of embarrassment and the desire to run away. So I just sat down at the table and cried.  Overwhelmed and undone.

It was a great, great night, with home-made cards and words of love and blessing. As I looked around the table, I kept shaking my head thinking, “I can’t believe all this is for me.”  My cup was indeed running over with thankfulness.

But at 3:30 in the morning, I had to get back up and process with the Lord. Why did I want to run away? Why was I so embarrassed? Why did I feel so guilty over being the recipient of such love and affection?

His answers were astounding.  As usual.  Over the next 24 hours, He began whispering truths into my heart.  Truths about desires, design and receiving His goodness.

So in this first of several blogs, let me give you some background. During the day on Saturday, I had been whining. I was really in a wad about my birthday plans or lack thereof (so I thought). Not one to be overly sentimental about my own birthday, I surprised myself and Chuck with shooting down his plans for our night out:

“No I don’t want to drive the kids out to my mom’s, then drive back west for dinner.”
“No, I don’t want to dress up.”
“We’re only going to Macaroni Grill because you like it.”
“This is stupid, it doesn’t matter, let’s just stay home with the kids and I’ll make dinner.”

Fortunately, Chuck had enough self control to NOT blurt out, “You need to get dressed because I am going to have a surprise party for you, and the kids have to go to your mom’s because all the other people to babysit will  be at YOUR party at Macaroni Grill!”  So glad he resisted that temptation.

But I was still whining. I went outside and told the Lord, “I am just really under attack. I don’t even know what’s wrong with me. Help me to just calm down and be thankful for whatever comes.” But the Lord very quietly asked me, “What do you want?” I said, “Nothing.”

And as soon as I said “nothing,” I wanted to laugh out loud. Because if I wanted “nothing” then what was the whining about? So I ‘fessed up that I wanted to have a heartfelt card from Chuck; that I wanted to feel special but didn’t want to have to ask for it.  That I just wanted to be loved on…. But instead of softening my heart, those thoughts hardened my  heart. I recalled past times of dashed hopes and disappointments. There was no cheese down that hole.

So I concluded my time with the Lord with a grown-up white knuckling version of “that stuff doesn’t matter, and I need to be thankful and not complain.”

How funny that the Lord already knew the desires of my heart, even the unspoken ones, and already had a plan that I knew Nothing about. And how funny that I was tormenting Chuck and all the while he was trying to bless me… How crazy that just hours later, I had the first surprise party of my life and handmade cards telling me how well loved I was. How funny, how crazy, how God….

So for today, I want to end with revelation number one: I can trust God with the desires of my heart. He has plans for me that I know Nothing about.  And, He loves surprises as much as I do….