trust

Between Morning and Evening

/ Jana / 1 Comment

The Lord has me sitting in the story of Elijah lately. I must be a slow learner because it seems like we have been here a while. But I confess, the longer I sit in these couple of chapters, 1 Kings 17- 19, the more I see of God, and the more I see of me.

What I like about Elijah is his utterly honest humanity. He walked with God when things were really, really bad; when it didn’t look like things would be improving soon. But still he depended on God. And he trusted God to not only understand his weaknesses but to CARE about them.  This strengthens me. When all the wheels start coming off my life, it refreshes me to have a God that won’t despise my weaknesses but help me in them.

Look at Elijah as a flesh and blood example.  He had just declared to Ahab, one of Israel’s most wicked kings, that “as the Lord lives, the God of Israel lives,” there would be no rain or even dew until Elijah says so. Talk about gumption. That is serious confidence in God. Elijah’s whole accusation against Ahab was that the king had turned to false idols and led the nation away also. Elijah was constantly pointing back to the clear evidence God was alive and well and willing to be their Loving God.

Now look what follows. God sent Elijah to a remote place where there was a brook and told Elijah that He had commanded the ravens to provide for him there.  Draught on the land, provision for you. All through the Bible you see how God protects and provides for his own regardless of what is happening all around.

In this quiet place, equipped with fresh water, God sent ravens every morning and evening with meat and bread to feed Elijah.

This weekend in my own head, when the giants seem too big, the desert too hot, the needs too great, the bills too many — this weekend I was struck by the time between morning and evening for Elijah. Did he ever question that the ravens would come? Was he ever surprised day after day?  Why didn’t the Lord just give him a small oven and flour?  What was the Lord teaching Elijah (and us) in the space between meals?

Before every great battle and public encounter, there is a private battle and spiritual encounter. I think God used this time to teach Elijah that he could not take care of himself. Elijah had to look to God to provide, even for the food in his mouth. I think God was teaching Elijah how to faith in the space between meals. I think God was teaching Elijah how to Receive from His hand, in whatever way, by whatever means the Lord decided was best for Elijah. Even when that way was ravens. I think God was preparing Elijah in the quiet space for the battle that was on its way.

I am not going to rush through this story. But for today, I wonder, are you looking for the ravens? Are you receiving what the Lord is sending for your good?  Are you waiting by the brook for your God or are you bustling about trying to feed yourself?   “He leads me beside still waters, He restores my soul.”

Ready, Set, Pray!

/ Jana / Leave a comment

When God calls you into an adventure, how do you know when to go? How to go? Or even why to go? How do you shut up the flesh long enough to let the Spirit persuade your spirit into action?

You watch, wait and believe. I had been approached about going to Zimbabwe for years. But there was never one inkling to go. I had lots of reasons that compelled me to stay. A sick child. A conflict in schedule. But more than anything there was no “draw” to go. I would send stuff: books, CDs, T-shirts, lots of prayers. But I never had a desire to send “me.”

Then one day a letter came from across the world. A year later another letter came.  Like drops of rain begin sporadically then become a steady downpour, there was one thought then another, then it began to rain.  My friend came back from the most recent trip and said, “You have got to go.”

Before I even thought about it, I blurted out, “I know. I am going. I know I am going.”  And the rain began. Then there was meeting to hear about the youth camps, the students, the women’s events —the opportunities to build, to encourage, to influence a country torn apart — and my heart pounded in my chest. Raining down.

Then we had a prayer time and I just asked the Lord, “Tell me real plainly who is to go, and I will follow.”  As soon as I bowed my head, it was plain as day. “You and Salem.” What???

The trip was already seeming impossible, but now add my 12 year old?  Wow. That is a lot of rain…But the downpour came over the next three nights in songs and messages in my sleep. The first night was waking up to a line from the song, Healer, by Kari Jobe. “Nothing is impossible for you.” I had to decide whether this trip was too big for God.

Second was waking up to a verse God had given me as a promise long ago. He had told me that through Him, I was a tree planted by streams of water and that my fruit would prosper.  For years He has been talking  to me about trees.  But He cinched the conversation by reminding me of a verse He had spoken over me: “The tree will have healing in its leaves for the nations.”  It was time to go to the nations.

And finally, was the confirmation about Salem, that she was not a liability but a huge asset. Not an interruption but a purposeful planting.  And God said told me clearly that He had a design for Salem going at this time in her life and in mine. To drive the point home He said, “Salem is a mini-She.” I understood the power of that name. Here is why. We call the women who volunteer in WGR “The SHE” because we all work together as a Body under Christ. Salem is a mini-She. How do you argue with that?

When God speaks, how do you walk away and pretend He has not?  In all the wrestling and preparing, stripping off and surrendering, He has asked me just to pray and wait.  Pray for the people we are going to, not about my fear. Pray for the hearts to be healed, not about my needs. Pray about the power of God to change us all, not about my to do list.

Today He invites me and you.  Just rest your head on Me. I really can be trusted.

How Big is Your God?

/ Jana / 2 Comments

Today my friend Anna sent me this amazing youtube… Francis Chan – Balance Beam

You gotta watch it. But more than watching, you gotta get this. You get to decide what kind of life you live. Big or small. Strong or impotent. Reaching out or closed in. God-sized or  man-safe.

I think of big things when I watch this. I think of God setting men and women free. I think of God teaching the next generation how to truly value a woman. I think of God rescuing the women and children in the sex trade, of breaking down the strongholds of adultery and perversion. I think of crazy faith adventures to impact places like Zimbabwe, India, even little ole Knoxville…

But I also think of things closer to home.  I think of God getting me out of my fear zone when it comes to money and securty. And God getting me out of my comfort zone, my church zone, my “rights” zone.  I want to be free from all these places where it actually boils down to one thing: control. I try to grab hold of that balance beam so that everything appears to be in my grasp and under my control. But the more I grab, the less freedom I have, the less I can look up and see God, the less I can walk forward.

I watch this kind of God-sized abandon and I want to blow the doors off this puny little world I’ve created. Won’t you join me?

How about today let’s stand up and walk. Let’s let go of the beam. Sure our knees are shaking, sure we might fall. But our God holds us.

“He’s got the whole world in his hands.”

Let’s live a God-sized life.  One so big that only God in us could pull it off.

So Take A Step. . .

/ Jana / Leave a comment

“Nothing is impossible with You
Nothing is impossible.
Nothing is impossible with You,
You hold my world in your hand.

I believe that you’re my healer,
I believe you’re my everything
Jesus you’re all I need.”

This song, Healer by Kari Jobe, is what the Lord woke me up with this morning. I love that. I love Him. I love that I can be running around inside my own head screaming, or sitting in a corner sucking my thumb (figuratively, of course) and He cares enough to encourage and soothe and inspire me.

I don’t know if you have seen the movie, The Count of Monte Cristo (2002), but among many great quotes is one made by the dying priest. They are both serving life imprisonments and nearing completion of an escape tunnel. After a mortal wounding, the priest bequeaths his hidden fortune to Dantes. The pious priest instructs the wrongly imprisoned Edmond Dantes to not waste his pending freedom by committing the crimes he was unjustly serving time for. Bent on revenge, Dantes says he will surely do that very thing.

The priest says to Dantes, “Here is your final lesson – do not commit the crime for which you now serve the sentence. God said, ‘Vengeance is mine’.”

Dantes retorts, ” I don’t believe in God.”

“It doesn’t matter. He believes in you,” the priest said.

Why would God believe in us? Why would He go to such lengths to strengthen and spur us on to good works? There are obvious world needs that demand intervention. But on a more personal level, I think it is a multi-layer answer. When you or I hear His still small voice and respond, He is delighted that we recognize Him.  When you or I recognize Him and attempt something beyond our little world, He is delighted that we acknowledge His power, His presence, His glory. When we acknowledge Him, we see Him more fully, and thus we see us more fully. He wins. We win.

Just now I am reminded of Psalm 147: 10-11

His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of a man;the LORD delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.

We hope in Him, we trust, depend, expect, desire, stretch, wrestle, and decide on Him.  How can you love that which is never known?  How can you trust that which is never tested? And how can you grow faith if it is never required?

All this to say, we are sending in our $100 deposits for two seats to Zimbabwe. Nothing is impossible with You.

Let Earth Receive Her King – Part I

/ Jana / 1 Comment

Joy to the World, the Lord is come.  Let earth receive her King.

I have had a phenomenal revelation this weekend in the unlikely form of a Surprise Birthday Party. My ever clever husband conspired with my children (what restraint!) to have me, completely clueless, walk in to a room full of loving friends saying, “Surprise!”  My first response was shock. I stood there open-mouthed, dumbfounded and speechless. Which is a RARE condition for me. But my next responses were of embarrassment and the desire to run away. So I just sat down at the table and cried.  Overwhelmed and undone.

It was a great, great night, with home-made cards and words of love and blessing. As I looked around the table, I kept shaking my head thinking, “I can’t believe all this is for me.”  My cup was indeed running over with thankfulness.

But at 3:30 in the morning, I had to get back up and process with the Lord. Why did I want to run away? Why was I so embarrassed? Why did I feel so guilty over being the recipient of such love and affection?

His answers were astounding.  As usual.  Over the next 24 hours, He began whispering truths into my heart.  Truths about desires, design and receiving His goodness.

So in this first of several blogs, let me give you some background. During the day on Saturday, I had been whining. I was really in a wad about my birthday plans or lack thereof (so I thought). Not one to be overly sentimental about my own birthday, I surprised myself and Chuck with shooting down his plans for our night out:

“No I don’t want to drive the kids out to my mom’s, then drive back west for dinner.”
“No, I don’t want to dress up.”
“We’re only going to Macaroni Grill because you like it.”
“This is stupid, it doesn’t matter, let’s just stay home with the kids and I’ll make dinner.”

Fortunately, Chuck had enough self control to NOT blurt out, “You need to get dressed because I am going to have a surprise party for you, and the kids have to go to your mom’s because all the other people to babysit will  be at YOUR party at Macaroni Grill!”  So glad he resisted that temptation.

But I was still whining. I went outside and told the Lord, “I am just really under attack. I don’t even know what’s wrong with me. Help me to just calm down and be thankful for whatever comes.” But the Lord very quietly asked me, “What do you want?” I said, “Nothing.”

And as soon as I said “nothing,” I wanted to laugh out loud. Because if I wanted “nothing” then what was the whining about? So I ‘fessed up that I wanted to have a heartfelt card from Chuck; that I wanted to feel special but didn’t want to have to ask for it.  That I just wanted to be loved on…. But instead of softening my heart, those thoughts hardened my  heart. I recalled past times of dashed hopes and disappointments. There was no cheese down that hole.

So I concluded my time with the Lord with a grown-up white knuckling version of “that stuff doesn’t matter, and I need to be thankful and not complain.”

How funny that the Lord already knew the desires of my heart, even the unspoken ones, and already had a plan that I knew Nothing about. And how funny that I was tormenting Chuck and all the while he was trying to bless me… How crazy that just hours later, I had the first surprise party of my life and handmade cards telling me how well loved I was. How funny, how crazy, how God….

So for today, I want to end with revelation number one: I can trust God with the desires of my heart. He has plans for me that I know Nothing about.  And, He loves surprises as much as I do….