healing

When Life and Death Collide

/ Jana / 4 Comments

Within a week there have been two infant deaths in my world. One unsaved woman delivered a still born at eight months. Another woman, a strong believer, was carrying triplets, and one baby died. In the process, all three babies were delivered by C-section. The two surviving babies are in critical condition.

And often the first question is, “How could something like this happen?”  More piercing questions sound like, “How could GOD let something like this happen?”

Really gut-wrenching, honest questions sound like, “How can this be good in any way?”

If we are not careful, these are the horrible moments when we throw around spiritual band-aids because we don’t know what to say:

“At least you have another child.”
“At least you didn’t have to fill-in-the-blank…”
“God must be teaching you something…”
“God works all things together…”

If we are not careful, because we are so uncomfortable with pain, agony, and despair, we will make all manner of attempts to fix, tidy, gloss over, and cover the gaping hole in those broken hearts.

And if we are not careful, we will miss the aroma of Christ. I told my friend who is truly broken-hearted over our friend’s loss, “God is good, and He is here.” He is right here. In the middle of this mystery. And misery. He knows exactly how it feels to lose a child.

The Bible says to mourn with those who mourn. And to trust that God is doing the same.  I remember delivering Judah when we found out he had died at 16 weeks. He was so small, he fit in our hand. To some it seemed odd because he was so little. But he was our son, is our son.

Sure we got a gamut of responses — the gossip, the “glad it didn’t happen to me”, the “you can always have another baby”, even the God comments that cut like knives rather than soothe like a balm. But the sweetest gifts I received during that time were friends and family who would simply weep with us. That’s all. It hurt and that was okay.

The help and healing came from those who had nothing to offer but their tears. These precious few didn’t come to my bedside needing me to make them feel better, needing me to explain anything or defend God. They just came to journey with me and pray for me, when I was too weak to pray myself.  My friend Nan says, “When you grieve together the love goes deeper still.”

Oddly enough, yesterday, the same day we heard about the death of the triplet, my sweet friend Amanda gave birth to her baby boy. And so we live. Life and death side by side. And somehow we are comforted because we stake our whole existence on one belief: God is good and He is here.

As Heather Says, “Simmah Dahn Nah.”

/ Jana / 3 Comments

Translation: Simmer down now.

Not sure this isn’t beating a dead horse, but I want to circle back around on the blogs from last week. There was a lot of concern/instruction about my upset on the pregnant question. Thank you. And tons of concern about the offending woman. Thank you.

But I want to clarify that wasn’t about her. If I didn’t make that clear, let me repeat. It was about me and the Lord. As my friend Lyschel said, “she just happened to be the person who delivered the blow to the piece of the dam that loosed some stuff for you.” Amen. And the irritation of the moment was worth the revelation from God later.

However, glossing over the irritation, or denying it, or padding it, might not have resulted in the same revelation. Why were we so concerned about even broaching the topic? Is the idea of offending so off limits? Is it un-Christian? Is our every conversation to be without emotional upset?

Do you think Jesus offended people?

I am quite sure He did. In fact I think God purposely blows us up emotionally to get to our heart. Just like He did me last week. It is okay to be offended. It is okay to be angry. It is okay to express all of that. The better question is what do we DO in the that moment.

It is also okay for us to learn grace, to learn how to speak the truth in difficult moments. What if we were not talking about social faux pas, but life and death issues: porn, abortion, eating disorders? What then? I think there will be all kinds of sparks flying in those conversations.

In my first blog on this topic, I said, “Grace is not the same as silence.” I chose silence that day, because I lacked grace. And in my human observation, we don’t get to grace without practice. We learn it, one difficult encounter at a time. He doesn’t waste anything. I am so glad.

I don’t think God’s goal is for us to”be nice.”  I think His goal is that we”speak the truth in love.”  And then gives us a lifetime to practice.

We Interrupt This Regularly Scheduled Program… To Vent!

/ Jana / 4 Comments

You know you need grace when you get into those situations where you become frighteningly silent for fear of vomiting venom all over yourself, the offending person and the people standing within 10 feet of you.

That happened to me this morning.  I didn’t even look at her for fear that fire-breathing dragons would burst from my eyes and burn her up on the spot.

But after I walked away from the moment, the Lord showed me these scenarios are also good indicators of other things besides grace:

A) God is teaching me self-control.
B) God is setting me up to flush places in my heart that need healing.
C) He is using ME to heal, repair, and convict someone else.

Another possible solution is that He is doing D) all of the above. Not funny, fun or entertaining. At all.

For the sake of social instruction… if you don’t KNOW a person well enough to already KNOW the facts, don’t ask if she is pregnant. Unless she has on a “baby on board” T-shirt, or like message, don’t go there. Not ever. Ever. Just because someone has a pudge, don’t ask, “How far along are you?” Believe it or not, there are about 100 body shapes between anorexic and pregnant. Why do we go from model thin to “with child”? Look around; there are lots and lots of body styles in between these two points on the spectrum.  The last time I had a flat belly, I was 8.  It is socially ridiculous to assume someone is with child because they have a roll.  Can I be more clear? If you haven’t heard through the grapevine, if you don’t see a baby falling out of her uterus,  if you don’t see some book for new mommies nearby, don’t ask.

For the sake of spiritual conviction…why did that bother me so badly that I couldn’t even respond? And what is the appropriate response?

It bothered me so badly because it was like a contest had occurred and I lost. She was thin and attractive and her question was like a judgment that I was not.  I let her definition shake up my heart.  And appropriate? Proverbs says “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.”  How about a response like, “What an odd question. Why would you feel the freedom to ask that?”

Instead of being honest, I withdrew. Instead of standing in my beauty as God sees it, I hung my head in shame. That really hurt, but instead of being straightforward, I froze in the name of some Christian, Southern, love your neighbor BS.

Why do we shy away from letting people know how we feel? Are only good feelings, happy, holy feelings allowed?  I don’t think so.

Today has been a good, good day by being such a bad one. But here are my God take-aways:

Truth:  I belong to my Lover and His desire is for me (round belly and all).  Don’t give in to social stupidity when it comes to weight, beauty and fashion.
Truth: If you don’t know, don’t ask. Ever.
Truth: Speak the truth, even when it hurts. Maybe it will stop the insensitive person from continuing to ask foolish questions of others.
Truth: Grace is not the same thing as silence.

Blessings on all you round-bellied women!  And you flat-bellied ones, too!

Can You Hear Him Singing?

/ Jana / 2 Comments

“Walk towards me
I want to hear
The heavens singing over you.”

I just had this most fantastic conversation with my friend about “sitting in the presence of the Lord and talking to Him.”  She is going through a really hard time with medical issues but the Lord is showing her those physical symptoms are also related to her heart issues.  And she said this beautiful thing: “I was working on all these things but I still wasn’t seeing what was in my heart. There was a lie in my heart that He wanted me to see.”

God doesn’t just want to make us feel better, or give us relief for a moment. He wants us to be healed. Free. Healed and walking in newness of life. But we cannot walk in newness of life and still hold on to the same old lies. In her life, and in my own (perhaps in yours?) I can see the circumstances circling and tightening like a python.  Yet instead of squeezing life out, this holy paralysis is forcing stillness.  God will immobilize us if necessary just so we can look Him in the eyes and see that He “will fight thousands for my love.”

Will we sit in the presence of the Lord and journal? Ask Him questions, hard questions.  Will we let Him ask us questions? Hard questions.  And will we let our hearts see the lies He is exposing?  God wants us to “know the truth” so that we will be free indeed.

Today, perhaps, stop fighting the python. Stop struggling to escape the circumstances. Instead, sit. Write. Listen. Ask. Believe. See the lies that keep you in torment. Renounce them, let them go, call on the Lord.

And if you listen long enough, you will hear heaven singing over you.

For My Love (listen)

Walk towards me
I want to hear
The heavens singing over you
When you breathe
And look at me
I want to be captured by you

Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

I want to hide
What’s deep in my eyes
I’m scared to be known by you
But when I turn my head
And see you there
I want to be pursued

Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

A dream I won’t wake from
A story that will never end
The ground your feet walk on
Let me be there, let me be there

by Bethany Dillon

Power of Confession

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I have been having some interesting conversations about confession. In fact, I had this dream about a dear friend of mine who is running hard after freedom. We had had dinner together and she was saying, “I just don’t know what to do next?” That night I dreamed she was sitting in the middle of this swirling wind and a voice kept repeating, “Confess that you may be healed.”

When she began confessing all the hidden places, lies, hurts, people, beliefs, the whirlwind got stronger and stronger around her and began changing colors. She was laughing and crying and confessing.

Did that just weird you out as much as it did me?

But then there is another friend who is trying get free from tragic happenings in her past. Again, “confess” was the word that came to mind for her.

Cliff notes on confession:

Remember that confession is agreeing with God.

It is owning and calling sin by name: people, actions, feelings, etc.

It is being willing to think about sin the way God does.

People think that confession produces condemnation but actually the opposite is true. When we call things what they are, we walk in the light of Truth. Nothing hidden or disguised. No lies. God already knows the truth, He desires that we KNOW the truth that we might be set free.

This can very hard to do with such an enemy on our heels. There is this Fantastic book that addresses head on the enemy’s tactics but it has a Scandalous title. All the church ladies prepare to gasp in offense…(Wait, are there really church ladies reading this blog? Right. So forward ho.)

The book is called “Emotional Bullshit.” There I said it. And I wish I had written it because it captures some really great insight into Denial, Delusion and Blame. The author even calls those three combined tactics the Toxic Trio.

Here is how it works. I am confronted by my own need to take responsibility for an action or belief. I don’t want to confront or own that responsibility so I deny it. Then I create some story that supports my denial, then I blame someone else for what is happening to me.

Let’s use food as an example. (Did I just hear a collective groan?) I am not taking care of my physical body. I am stiff and don’t like the way I look, and I need to lose weight for my health. These are the facts. This is where I need to take 100% responsibility to change my lifestyle so that those three things might change. Exercise and a better diet will decrease the stiffness, change the way I look, and improve my health. I have the power over all of those choices.

BUT: if I refuse to exert my power over those choices, I have to create some story as to WHY I can’t change. So I exaggerate, or fabricate, or procrastinate the circumstances to make up a B.S. story about why I am stuck. And almost ALWAYS my B.S. story will have someone ELSE being the reason or problem, the culprit, the cause of why I can’t change. See if my health is dependent on someone or something else, then I am not responsible for me. Voila’! Emotional Bullshit at its finest.

This is why confession is the key to all things. Confession is a completely counter-flesh concept. Only the Spirit of God leads the spirit to come to the the throne of a merciful God. It is the Spirit who convicts of sin. Not accusation, that is demonic. Not condemnation, that is only part of the enemy’s tactics.

But confession comes from God and returns to God. When you confess with your mouth those things that you are afraid of saying to God, you will be healed. It is His promise to us.

“He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” Proverbs: 28:13

So in every day life, not just the stronghold issues we face, but moment by moment, we ask the Lord to sweep our hearts. When He puts His loving finger on that heart attitude or action, word or deed, then we don’t resort to Emotional B.S. but we learn to confess.

“Yes Lord, thank You for showing me that. I see You are making me whole hearted.”

Just watch yourself today. It can be a fun exercise to see how much you shift and squirm to get away from being responsible for your own life…

Psalm 65

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This Psalm came to heart for us today… Soak in it.

Psalm 65

For the director of music. A psalm of David. A song.

1 Praise awaits you, O God, in Zion;

to you our vows will be fulfilled.

2 O you who hear prayer,
to you all men will come.

3 When we were overwhelmed by sins,
you forgave our transgressions.

4 Blessed are those you choose
and bring near to live in your courts!
We are filled with the good things of your house,
of your holy temple.

5 You answer us with awesome deeds of righteousness,
O God our Savior,
the hope of all the ends of the earth
and of the farthest seas,

6 who formed the mountains by your power,
having armed yourself with strength,

7 who stilled the roaring of the seas,
the roaring of their waves,
and the turmoil of the nations.

8 Those living far away fear your wonders;
where morning dawns and evening fades
you call forth songs of joy.

9 You care for the land and water it;
you enrich it abundantly.
The streams of God are filled with water
to provide the people with grain,
for so you have ordained it.

10 You drench its furrows
and level its ridges;
you soften it with showers
and bless its crops.

11 You crown the year with your bounty,
and your carts overflow with abundance.

12 The grasslands of the desert overflow;
the hills are clothed with gladness.

13 The meadows are covered with flocks
and the valleys are mantled with grain;
they shout for joy and sing.


Will You Help Us Change the World?

/ Jana / 1 Comment

Isn’t that an audacious question? It sounds like, uhm, let me think — oh yes, it sounds like Jesus. He is the One who took a handful of scarred and frail believers and changed the course of history.  Their encounter with the Living Messiah, their passion to tell their story about Him, changed the world, one person at a time.

That is what we are up to at Women Getting Real. Our desire is to rescue people from the heartache, lies and defeat in their lives and lead them into the presence of the Loving God where He can restore, renew and heal. Are we there yet ourselves? Nope. We are all in process, on the journey, ever seeking His face. But this one thing we know and bank our lives on: the same God who is healing us, will heal others too.

We believe that the same tender love, the same Living God who has radically altered our lives, altogether changed our existence not only in the hereafter but also with His overwhelming presence in our daily lives, is able and willing to do that for others too.  And we want to tell our stories, now and later, near and far, home and abroad.

Will you help us with this Holy Search and Rescue Mission?

There are four of us going to Zimbabwe in May. I am going to teach retreats and teens. Two other “dream team” members of WGR are going, Beth Hungerford and Laura Jones.  They are invaluable leaders in the workings of Unhindered events, and behind the scenes work of the ministry. When they go to Zimbabwe they will be helping with the youth camps and orphanage there. The final representative from WGR is our youngest team member, Salem, my 12 year old daughter. She is a bundle of gifting: child magnet, willing builder and adventurer extraordinaire.  God was so clear to us all that she was to make this trip. So we are quite eager to see all that God will reveal and deposit in her.

It is not so much what we offer, but that we have all been clearly, and almost humorously, Called. And we must answer. We are joining a larger team going with John Dee and Ebenezer Ministries and will be gone for three weeks. Does this sound crazy to you?  It still does to me. But isn’t that just like God? Nothing is impossible for Him.

So we are extending an invitation to you to link arms with us.  Will you pray for us?  Salem said it best. When I was helping her with her donor letters, I asked her what she wanted to put under her “prayer requests.”  She said,  “Preparation and faith.” I love that. That is our first step. Preparation and Faith. Our second step is to pray in the funds to go. We know that God has all the money we need. And He has given me such a verse:

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. As it is written: “He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor; His righteousness endures forever.” Now He who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God.

2 Corinthians 9: 8-11

We stand on His promises to provide through many hands.. Will you  link arms with us financially too? Maybe you can’t go, but you can help send us.  You are going to Zimbabwe “through us”  as we all go through the power of Christ.

So if you want to join the Change the World adventure with us, click here.  This is will give you all the info you need to be part of this God work.

“Lord rend the heavens and come down, Seek the lost and heal the lame, Father bring glory to your name.”

Warrior 101

/ Jana / 2 Comments

I had two different questions last week that had almost the exact same answer. One was from a friend who is experiencing a downpour from the Lord, but identified some fear lurking in the shadows. You know, the “other shoe is about to fall”  fear that the devil loves to torment us with? I hate that.  It can be paralyzing. She asked how to prepare. Was there some class in “Warrior 101?”

As an aside, what if the other shoe did fall?  Is God not the Author of that as well?  Is He not strong enough?

But the other question came from a person who is dealing with a severe illness in his family. He asked what to do. But the answer that flowed out to both of them had more to do with a Who than a What.  Here is my response as related to when my youngest daughter was critically ill for 4 years. I will fill you in on details later.

“I know how tough these days must be.  I have really had to process with the Lord how to respond to you. I learned so much about the Lord, and from the Lord, during this very hard season.

I don’t think I have actually taken the time to write the story out. So I will try to highlight the take aways from that season.

1) God alone is sovereign.  We tend to dismiss things in life: money, health, relationships, circumstances. But He holds all things together, and in Him we move and have our being. This sickness brought that reality home in a whole new way. God had the RIGHT to do whatever He wanted, and would STILL be acknowledged as Good. But also because He is sovereign, He is always working on our behalf.  He is not a distant God; but right here, right now. One of the many intercessors during this season had this word from the Lord for us, and for Charis:  “God is not doing something TO you, he is depositing something IN you.” This journey with Him would be a foundational piece of our story and HER story. That brought us great courage.

God doesn’t waste anything.

2) The doctors are not greater than God. I had to learn to listen to what GOD said rather than what they said.  They were “practicing” medicine. He was the Healer.  Many times they gave her meds for her detriment. Literally.  God would instruct what to listen to and what to ignore. Also, when the Lord told me that He was going to heal Charis, the doctors scoffed.  Literally.  I had to decide who I would stand on. God or man.  It is a tough, tough road.

Clearly, God was right. The docs had her diagnosed as lifelong meds, allergies and food restrictions. Today she walks in restored health.

3) The body is connected to the spirit.  “Confess your sins to one another that you may be healed,” James says. Chuck and I did much inventory of our lives to remove any “authority” we had given the evil one to torment us and Charis. We believe God broke strongholds during this season. I would pray for the home and marriage. That was a root issue in our case, and perhaps yours.

4) I learned how to pray in earnest. I learned out of desperation how to sing songs of deliverance, to bang on the doors of heaven for healing. I grew faith like never before to believe in the God who loved me and my daughter, even when the circumstances did not align with His voice. I was in the Word often, asking for guidance and leading.

5) I began to expect the supernatural. Before this, I heard about it, thought about it, sort of wished for it. Now I HAD to have it. She had to have it. We and the community around us have a stronger testimony that Our God Saves because of what we have seen and heard.

6) I learned to let go. Living with death as a real possibility at times, taught me more than I can write. I became a more grateful person.

7) This is an invitation to intimacy.  It is one thing to know OF God. It is radically different to KNOW Him.  I became firmly convinced that every single thing in our lives, good or bad, is His call to see Him in the middle of it. He wants to walk with us, and will do whatever it takes to get our attention. Whatever it takes. And believe me, He got our attention. Still I can tell you, I wouldn’t trade this season for anything. I am forever changed.

May the Lord Himself be your Comfort, Healer and Strength.”

With God, Nothing Is Impossible

/ Jana / 1 Comment

So guess who got a 3 a.m. wake up call? I almost laughed out loud. As I was taking the Lucy puppy-girl out to potty (talking about being glad we have indoor plumbing!) I asked the Lord what He had to say. Immediately, He brought back to mind a song. I realized it had been running through my thoughts before I woke up.

I try to be so tough
But I’m just not strong enough
I can’t do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I’m nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me
(from Savior Please, by Josh Wilson)

“What is this all about Lord? What do I need saving from?”  I asked.

And what came in the wee hours and even this morning, is Him flushing out just how scared I am of Him and how much I question His provision. I believe He is good. I believe, know and have experienced His crazy supernatural giving. But here I am standing on the edge of this cliff, again, and I am freaking out.  Am I really going to jump??

I told my friend this circumstance is like Elijah laughing at the false prophets and taunting them, “Pour more water on the altar.”  To reveal the reality of the Living God, he wanted to make the test as hard as possible so that when God  rained down fire and licked up all the water, there was no question about who had the power. (1 King 18-19)

So here I sit, a CD in the making (one bucket of water), a new book brewing (another bucket), and now add a teaching trip to Zimbabwe (big bucket), and a trip to India (whew) – I think my altar is soaked to the bone.

But I confessed to my friend, I’m not sure I have the faith of Elijah.  Yet I cling to what I know. The only thing I can truly stand on is what God showed to Elijah too.  Believing His still small voice. Living in the tension of knowing Him, and still not knowing the outcome. He whispers, Trust Me. “The leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations.” Oh God, help my unbelief…

One thing God has spoken,
two things have I heard:
that you, O God, are strong,
and that you, O Lord, are loving. Palm 62: 11-12

Death Begets Death

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Normally, we try to look at one real question on Wednesdays. Today, I’m not answering just one question. I’m answering ten! I know this is a loaded topic…BUT one worth talking about since it affects 1 out of 5 women. I was approached by a high school student with these questions and thought I would share my answers.

1. Do you believe abortion is morally correct?
No.

2. In what circumstances do you believe abortion is socially acceptable?
Never.

3. In your opinion, is the third trimester too late to perform an abortion?
Absolutely.

4. Do you believe abortion can cause depression or mental side effects?
Absolutely. In addition, it can cause nightmares, rage attacks, self-hatred leading to eating disorders, cutting, addictions to drugs and alcohol. Anything to numb the pain. It also causes long- lasting trauma to relationships, something people rarely discuss. This breach in conscience prevents future trusting relationships, especially with men.

5. What do you believe causes the women to have abortion as an option?
Fear. Fear of being alone, of being stuck with baby, of being “fat”, of being found out, of losing their life, of being a bad mother.

6. As an estimate, how many people do you know who have had an abortion?
I know personally 20+ but have counseled more than a 100 women.

7. Under the circumstances, what age is most common related to abortions?
17-25 is my guess.  Middle school girls think having a baby is “cool” and often decide to parent rather than release for adoption. Most occur around end of high school or in college when a woman feels like “she has her whole life ahead of her.”  Funny that the mother’s life has greater value than the life of her unborn baby.

8. Do you believe that the male has a substantial part in the decision process of an abortion?
Ahhhh, tough question. Yes, I do morally now. But when faced with that, I moved forward regardless of his decision.

9. Do you believe that the parents of the female play an important role in the decision process of abortion?
Many many abortions happen with the push of over active parents. They are more concerned with reputation than the value of life and the value of hardship in character building for their child. And many girls also have abortions out of fear of their parents finding out. They are trying to hide the evidence, as it were.

10. Can previous abortions cause emotional problems in future relationships and the start of a family?
I mentioned this but absolutely… Many women I have counseled with “withheld” this secret for fear of rejection from their husbands. So they are grieving in silence. It causes sexual disconnect and all kinds of trauma around having children in the future. “I killed one baby how can I welcome this one,” is the mentality.

Also there is a HUGE medical issue of damage done during the procedure where STDs are spread, damage to the cervix and tearing of the uterus.  Abortion is one of the riskiest medical procedures ever and it has NO medical oversight or accountability.  It absolutely affects the ability to bear children in the future.

A few more comments if I may?
I had an abortion at the age of 18. It was one of the most painful things I had ever lived through, physically, emotional and spiritually.  No one ever told me the truth about any of those things prior to the procedure. But more information is not the answer necessarily.  At that time, we made sure it was never called a baby, so when I found that out, I was doubly horrified. Today, we know it is a baby and call it a baby, but we so undervalue the intrinsic worth of a human being, it causes perhaps more harm. Mom has no value so baby has no value. And so even after abortion, mom continues to suffer from lack of value and worth which often leads to more sex, dirtier partners, more pregnancies, more abortions, etc.

I debated a woman from Planned Parenthood once and challenged her point that she was “empowering women.”  Empowering women is not accomplished by killing women and men, even if they are in fetus stage. Empowering women is to teach them about actions and consequences; sex leads to babies. But also about the overwhelming energy given to a woman when she is taught how to harness her passions and focus them on good and long-term results.  Parenting and adoption is incredibly hard. But they are choices that lead to life and hope and possibilty.

Abortion is quick and final. No life, no hope, no possibility.

Healing is my final point. I know many women who have tried many things to wash away the guilt of the blood on their hands. It has been my experience that only the blood of Jesus has the power to do that. I am not a church lady. But my life was radically transformed when I realized that even though I was a murderer, God still loved me.  It was a long arduous road to recover my heart, but one I am thankful for beyond measure.