Forgiveness

Is Forgiveness Real, or Not?

/ Jana / Leave a comment

I really blew it with my kids yesterday.  Blame it on a toxic cocktail of hormones,  fear and the need to control.  Or.  Let’s just get real.  It was my loss of self control. 

Either way, when my emotional tornado passed, all of us looked and felt like one of those house-splintered aftermath scenes. They were hurt.  I was hurt. And I was pretty sure the Lord was sad too.  There was  a lot of debris to clean up.

As I made dinner, the scene replayed in my mind: my words, their faces.  My choices, their hurt. Over and over it played. My heart was breaking. I love my girls so much. And yet…I still said those horrible things.

“What do I do now??” I asked the Lord in a near panic.

Of course— I would ask my girls  for forgiveness.  But how do I be different next time? I was in a state of shock and disbelief.

Had He taught me so much only for me to lose it in a moment? Did His love not really matter when I needed it most? Was I ever going to learn how to deal with my emotions in a healthy way in the heat of the moment? Continue reading →

God is Not Ashamed of Us, Part 2

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As you recall, we are talking about living “from” the expression on Jesus’s face. (See Part 1) How you see Him looking at you is paramount to your intimacy.  Allow me to tell you two stories to put things in perspective.

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I was a bewildered new mom fumbling along the parenting path when an older dad gave me this great piece of advice. “When your toddler falls down they will look at you. Make sure you smile. If you panic, they will panic.  If you smile, or clap your hands, and tell them they are okay, they will react the same.  They may cry for a minute, but if you don’t make a big deal out of it, neither will they.”

(Thank you, Michael Patrick!)

So sure enough, Salem would fall down and look for me or daddy. She would search our faces and we would smile really big, and say in a happy voice “Hey baby, you are okay. Get back up!”  And she would whimper a moment and get back up.

This also worked with getting the girls out of their cribs. In the morning or at after nap times, they searched my face to get a temperature of their world.  So I consciously tried to smile and welcome them, regardless of my own inner reality.  Spills and messes? Same technique.  We wanted them to know mistakes were okay. They didn’t have to be skiddish or fearful but to simply get up and begin to clean up.  It really created peace in the middle of momentary chaos. In all these situations, we set the tone for our children. Do you get it? Our expression of love and devotion directed their actions and reactions.

However.

I would love to say I carried that idea into my whole of parenting.  I did not —particularly as they got older and were “in trouble.”  When they blew it big, so did I.

Often, I lost the whole notion of how my expression impacted these little learning human beings. And of course, they learned to watch my face when they got in trouble at school or church, or with their friends. Only it wasn’t a good thing. It was a fearful thing. They anxiously approached me because, “Mom, I was afraid you’d get mad at me…”  In their greatest moment of need, in their sin, they were afraid of me.

Does this sound familiar to you? To the way you approach God?

God did bring a parenting breakthrough  but that’s for later. Here is another story of watching someone’s expression.  It’s a familiar story but let’s zoom in on a few details.

Jesus predicted that Peter would deny even knowing him three times before the rooster crowed. While Jesus was being tormented and tried, Peter stood outside in the courtyard around a fire.  Three times Peter cursed at people who claimed he had been with Jesus and Luke 22 says, “Just as he was speaking, the rooster crowed. The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter.”

In this story we often focus on Peter, his failure, how he “wept bitterly.” We can relate to Peter.

But God. I want to focus on the expression on Jesus’s face…

Was he surprised? Disappointed? Shocked?  Clearly not, since Jesus told Peter in advance what Peter would do.

Was he angry? Ready to punish? Clearly not, or he would have betrayed Peter and had him on trial as well.

Was he — merciful? Full of the same love that He was getting ready to pour out on the cross? 

Let your mind imagine His holy expression. Jesus was devoted to his mission, Even in this moment, pre-crucifixion. His mission:  To close the gap between God and man. To remove once and for all the shame that stained the soul of the whole of creation. To display the overwhelming love of God.

Can we handle the Look of Love in middle of our failure?

God understands, more than we do, that we most need mercy when we fail the most. Some powerful moments of healing happened with God in the middle of my sin.  One time the Lord told me, “Jana don’t try to hide your sin from Me anymore. I would rather be with you while you sin, than you running away and pretending like I am not there. Stay with Me.”

In the garden, the man and woman sinned and they hid.  For fear of punishment. And they were indeed banished. But all that has changed. “Till on that cross as Jesus died, The wrath of God was satisfied ”

Now in Christ, through the redeemed garden of Gethsemane, we don’t hide when we sin but we run to the Father.  We look for the expression on His face. We know that just as Jesus looked on Peter with love and mercy, we find the same loving Eyes looking on us.  We are not banished, but our fear is. His perfect love  banishes, drives out, the fear in us.

So for today, consider where you go when you blow it? Do you hide? Run? Do you turn away from God and go outside and weep bitterly? Ashamed of yourself so God must be too?

Perhaps, one of the greatest things that ever happened to Peter was his ultimate failure. I think it was an incredible gift to us all. Why? Because after his failure, Peter realized what Jesus knew all along.

Jesus’s love was not based on Peter’s actions, but flowed from His Father’s endless, merciful, gracious Heart. Hallelujah.

“Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” Psalm 34:5

More to come…

Art by Salem Spicka

God is Not Ashamed of You…Part 1

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“God is not ashamed of you.” Ryan Wyatt said at Fuse Church on Sunday. The comment hung in the air — as if suspended by our deep longing and yet our persistent unbelief — as if we all collectively held our breath at the boldness of the notion.  He repeated the phrase. This time a declaration.  “God is. Not ashamed. Of you.” 

You could tangibly feel the relief. We exhaled our corporate breath and Truth laid over the congregation like a warm blanket, comforting and covering us all.

God really is not ashamed of you. Nor is He disgusted, disappointed, embarrassed, or fretting over you.  Imagine it. God in heaven wringing His hands over your latest goof up, saying, ‘Oh my, oh my, what ever will I, the God of all creation, do about this creature of mine?”

Get it? Not gonna happen. Ever. Infinity.

If you think you have that much cosmic power, you might need a bigger God. I’m just saying.

I want to belabor this point.  It applies to all: the couple living together, the businesswoman who cheats on a deal, the unfaithful husband, the screaming mom, the binging teenager, the person who swears to do better with his selfishness and yet repeats it daily…God is not ashamed to call all of us His children. How can it be?

It’s called the grace factor. While we are made in His image, there is a huge difference in God’s emotional capacity and ours. Thank you God. ThIMG_4791is is really good news for people who are still running from God, or holding Him at arms length, or won’t look Him in the eyes.

Perhaps, you are afraid He will act like you act. Or how your mom, dad, pastor, friend, or spouse acted.  Perhaps, you are afraid of the expression on His face.  You think He is thinking about your sin and you want to hide from Him. But this is one of the greatest deceptions in the Christian life.

If you belong to God in the name of Jesus, then your sin is gone. Period. It’s paid for. It’s not that God is in denial. But that He lives in fulfillment.  The law has been satisfied. Death for sin.  Jesus for you. Done. You now live in a too-good-to-be-true-but-is-true reality of Grace.

Which brings us to a much bigger and better conversation.  If God is not ashamed of you, and He is not talking about your sin, then what IS He talking about?  What IS the expression on His face?

I want to take a few blogs and talk about living from the look on Jesus’s face. Selah.  Living from…the look on His Face…

But for today, will you take a moment just to still your heart, and your world?

Let your spirit see the expression on Jesus’s face. Even now, close your eyes. Take a deep breath and just look and listen for Him.

I trust once you let him remove the veil of shame from your eyes, you will see something, Someone, better than you expected.

More to come.
“My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”  Your face, Lord I will seek.” Psalm 27:8 

 

Photography by Salem Spicka, “Veiled Woman” from Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York City

Appetites in the Hands of God

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jesus+good+shepherd+3As we think about appetites this month it is good to know that you are not bad for having them. It is more a question of what do you do with them? How do you sort whether they are good or bad for you? Be sure to check out our first two WGR classes as we mull over some tough questions.

But for today let me relay a God story. He has such a sense of humor…

This weekend I  turned over two different calendars since we just began  February.  And to my surprise the verse was the same.  I have never had that happen before.

An even greater surprise was the selected verse — Psalm 23. “The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want.”

Isn’t He funny? We have talked about that verse for the last two weeks in WGR class. One translation is: I lack no good thing.  Here we are talking about appetites and God is already giving us a clue to the answer. Because God is my shepherd, I don’t HAVE to want. Re-read the first three verses of Psalm 23.  Then work on believing them. Don’t just blow past this. Soak in His truth so your truth system will line up…

Stay tuned. More to come.

Confessions of a Woman in Process

/ Jana / 2 Comments

I enjoyed preparing for three celebrations at my house recently, a bridal shower, a baby shower, and a team work retreat for my husband’s company. The cooking and decorating stirred my heart in different ways.  I thought I’d share with you what I wrote for the bride to be:

“Preparing for this shower was a good time to reflect, marvel, mourn,  and give thanks. It began with the tablecloths. Looking through my tablecloths was like peeking into my past. Some I bought, some were gifts, some I made. One cloth is from my friend. It is a patchwork, diverse and beautiful. Like our friendship. There is the one I paid too much for and have never really liked. But I keep it because it is neutral and necessary. A lot of life lessons are like this: expensive but useful. Then there is the outside cloth, the lace cloth, the zebra cloth, the red cloth that used to be a curtain but I loved the color so much that I converted it.

All of them have their place and lesson. They are a passage of time, tastes, and stories — lean times and plenty, discoveries of what I liked and who I was, stories that captured a mixture of emotions.

The pink gingham cloth came from my grandmother. It is precious to me.  I don’t use it often but it is a constant in my drawer to choose from. And though it is stained and so out of date, I cannot bear to part with it.

Do that with some of your traditions. Treasure them. Keep them. But don’t feel bound to use them every day.

People whom I loved, studied, mentored, and learned from, all ate at my table with these cloths. We laughed together and cried together. Some of these  people  are now dead or  they’ve moved on to other friendships. It was good for me to serve them. They are forever part of my life,  marriage and  legacy.

Learn to enjoy the beauty of people eating at your table. It is what God himself has done—invited us to feast at His table.

The napkins also caused a lot insight. For a long time in my life and marriage, I wanted everything to be perfect, to match, to be just right.  In fact I wouldn’t let people in my house, and honestly my life, unless it was. The napkins reminded me of that. I’m glad I don’t do that anymore. I’ve relaxed. I’ve got different priorities and values than when I started. I don’t mind the tatters and stains so much. Peace lives in me now, instead of that hounding jackal called perfectionism.

I realized cloth napkins are a lot like marriage. Some of them are durable, they wash and wear easily. Like our daily lives. We need attitudes and beliefs that can stand up to daily use. Some of the napkins faded pretty quickly after use much like expectations and demands we have for each other. Some of the napkins are silky, for romantic dinners at home. I have to remember to keep pulling those out. I have to keep my heart centered on my marriage so that kids and life and work don’t overshadow the love story that began the whole journey in the first place.

There are seasonal napkins, formal napkins and paper napkins. They all have their place in time, in marriage, in life.

Finally, there was the dirty napkin. I have no idea how long it has hidden in the cabinet. But this is October and it is a Christmas napkin.

It reminded me  that I am learning to be nice to me. There is dirt. I may or may not know about. But it will surface sooner or later. And there is grace for that too. For all of it.

By their very nature, napkins clean up messes, beautifully. Expect to have messes on this journey.

But above all enjoy the meal. Enjoy the conversations, the laughter and tears. Listen and learn from those who sit at your table. Young and old. Savor the seasons. Each person, friendship, meal is a gift of time. Learn to serve. Learn to be served. Be nice to yourself. The pressure is off.

Give yourself time and permission to Learn how to love. Marriage, and life, doesn’t have to be perfect. Just make sure you have lots of napkins along the way.”

Listen for His song…

/ Jana / 1 Comment

I know this sounds crazy, but I was in a store the other day and heard “How Deep is Your Love” by the Bee Gees over the intercom.  I’ve never particularly been a fan of the Bee Gees. ( I know, blasphemy!)  Still a line from the song kept ringing through my head.

“How deep is your love, I really need to know.
Cause we’re living in a world of fools
Bringing us down…We belong to you and me”

Finally I had to go look up the lyrics because He wouldn’t leave me alone. And there it was — this old song with a present day message. Had He been singing it all along and I had been looking for a boy instead my God?

Then to really flip my head around, He showed me the song can be sung two ways.
Me (us) singing to God: How deep is your love, I really need to know.
Jesus singing to me (us): How deep is your love, I really need to know.
Talk about an attitude adjuster…I had to spend some serious time asking and answering that question.

And if that isn’t enough, the next day one line from a song penetrated my heart while at a restaurant.

“Longer than…I’ve been in love with you.”

Time stopped. No one with me knew that I had hit repeat 100 times on this song in college as  I cried my eyes out because I was so lonely. No one could figure the odds of hearing this song at this time and place. But He knew. And had known. He had been there in college, just like He was with me in the restaurant at that very moment.

I know He was standing there grinning at me, so proud of Himself for blowing me up.  So happy that I finally understood it was Him singing all along.  What a Lover.

The person with me asked why I was smiling?

“Oh I didn’t realized I was,” I said faintly. “I just heard a love song from a long time ago…”

Listen for Him. His song of love is everywhere, from the beginning of time and forever.

Twists and Turns and the Peace of God

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My brain got twisted around on Saturday.  So on Sunday, in worship, I just sat there. No singing. No standing even. Just sitting.

And as I felt the Spirit of God pulling on my heart I began to cry because I realized I wasn’t even sitting and looking for his presence. I was content to just sit in my pity party. But God.

I heard the faintest whisper, “Grab your Bible.”  I did and it fell open to Philippians. Oh great, I thought, the whatever is good, noble, blah, blah, blah passage. “Like I haven’t read that a hundred times,” I said aloud through my tears.  The whisper came, “Read it again.”

The whole passage is below. It is medicine for the weary soul. But let me just give you highlights of what I saw as I read  it “again.”

You whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, that is how you should stand firm.   (He still loves me when I’m acting like a brat.)

Let your gentleness by evident to all. (Ouch, I have not been gentle at all.)

The Lord is near. (I know you are Jesus, help me re-focus)

And the peace of God will guard your hearts and minds, in Christ Jesus. ( I have let down my guard so I have no peace.)

Put it in to practice. (Yes, I can try again. I must keep practicing.)

And the God of peace with be with you. (Thank you for never leaving me hopeless.)

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. (I am still learning this. I got swept up in the drama.)

I have learned the secret… (Secret? What secret?)

I can do everything through him who gives me strength. (Yes God. With you all things are possible. Forgive my unbelief.)

I am amply supplied. ( Why do I still question this?)

The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. (Your grace covers all my weakness. Thank for strengthening my spirit.)

Can I get a Wow and and Amen?

That play on the words  — the peace of God, and the God of peace — was like an IV drip for my spirit. The peace of God will guard me, because the God who is peace is with me. In His presence there is peace and it is the shield and medicine I need.

And everywhere, all the time, the Lord is insisting on P-R-O-C-E-S-S. I must learn to enjoy the journey with Him. There is a secret. I can learn it if I will practice it. There is a truth greater than my need. I can do everything in Him because through Him I am fully resourced.

How then shall I live? By the grace of Jesus in my spirit. Selah.

Oh Spirit of God, how excellent you are in all your ways. To our God and Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

 

Therefore, my brothers and sisters, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, stand firm in the Lord in this way, dear friends!

2 I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord. 3 Yes, and I ask you, my true companion, help these women since they have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are in the book of life.

4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

10 I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

14 Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles. 15 Moreover, as you Philippians know, in the early days of your acquaintance with the gospel, when I set out from Macedonia, not one church shared with me in the matter of giving and receiving, except you only; 16 for even when I was in Thessalonica, you sent me aid more than once when I was in need. 17 Not that I desire your gifts; what I desire is that more be credited to your account. 18 I have received full payment and have more than enough. I am amply supplied, now that I have received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent. They are a fragrant offering, an acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God. 19 And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.

20 To our God and Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

21 Greet all God’s people in Christ Jesus. The brothers and sisters who are with me send greetings. 22 All God’s people here send you greetings, especially those who belong to Caesar’s household.

23 The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. Amen.[a]

Philippians 4, NIV

 

In Conflict, Check the Love Switch

/ Jana / 1 Comment

How do we repair relationships without first repairing our own hearts? The Lord and I have talked a lot about how to walk through conflict —you know, the relational blow-ups  that make you want to throw up? or run away? or cry? or break something?

God is depositing so many revelations about how to do life with others, even when it is messy. He is revealing a beauty in the process that is priceless and is almost worth the pain even. He is teaching me and you how to live as He lives. In Perfect Love.

Revelation One is to assess  why  this conflict is so big on our radar? Why the over the top emotional reaction ( select from prior list or add your own)?  Why go there? God loves you and me. God loves the other person. We are both good.  So let’s take a deep breath and just let the Holy Spirit tweak and heal without all the drama caused by insecurities. There is a peace that passes understanding. Drama steals that peace. So wait on the Lord to bring clarity, truth, and hope.

Speaking of insecurities, that is Revelation Two. We react because we are afraid the love has run out. Danny Silk calls it the Love Switch,  and when we get hurt the first thing we do is turn the Love Switch  off.    We get stung by actions or words and then we question the intentions of the offending person. Does this person really love me? Is this person safe? Without clearly knowing the love connection, the commitment to relationship, it is difficult to trust. So we scramble, attack, hide or blame.

We want to “resolve the problem” but where is the love? We have to let the Lord first heal our hearts through forgiveness and grace so we can get the love back on for that person. Intention is a two way street. How are we communicating our continued love in this hard circumstance? Are we still speaking love and affection even though there is conflict? Through Jesus, is the Love Switch on?

As believers, we know this is a reality that Jesus is pleased to empower because His love is everlasting.  He is teaching us how to love as He loves.  Keep your love switch on. This requires faith. Strong faith that God is truly working all things for your good, but also  for the other person’s good.  (I’m glad He is God. This makes my head hurt.)

“What are you, man, if you do not learn love?”  This question posed by Shawn MacDonald in the song Simply Nothing sums up Revelation Two.

And finally, Revelation Three came by way of  a pertinent blog by Seth Godin. When God is talking, teaching, healing, He brings truth from all directions. Read it and let the Lord have His way in your conflict.  Conflict  is part of our transformation.  We can press in to learn how to enjoy it because we trust the end result.  “Christ in you, the hope of glory.”

Two questions behind every disagreement, by Seth Godin

Are we on the same team? and

What’s the right path forward?

Most of time, all we talk about is the path, without having the far more important but much more difficult conversation about agendas, goals and tone.

Is this a matter of respect? Power? Do you come out ahead if I fail? Has someone undercut you? Do we both want the same thing to happen here?

The reason politics in my country is diverging so much from useful governance has nothing to do with useful conversations and insight into what the right path is. It’s because defeat and power and humiliation and money have replaced “doing what works for all of us” as the driving force in politics.

If you feel disrespected, the person you disagree with is not going to be a useful partner in figuring out what the right path going forward might be. If one party (employee/customer/investor) only wins when the other party loses, what’s the point of talking about anything but that?

Deal with the agenda items and the dignity problems first before you try to work out the right strategic choices. (emphasis added)

WGR Class Fall Semester Begins August 23rd!!

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What is WGR class?

Jana is inviting hungry women to pursue the scripture and stories to see how the Lord builds intimacy through our senses.  This is an unusual class with hands on activities, soaking worship, and real seasons to hear from the Lord personally and powerfully.

The class is for all ages and does not require perfect attendance. Or homework.

We are meeting every Thursday at Cedar Springs Presbyterian Church in room B203 from 6:30-8:30pm.  CSPC is located at the corner of Kingston Pike and Cedar Bluff at 9132 Kingston Pike.  Free childcare will be provided with registration.  Please click here to register.

We will also be live streaming class this year so you can tune in at home!  Just visit the WGR UStream channel at http://www.ustream.tv/channel/womengettingreal to join the class every week at 6:30pm EST!  

For specific details around the class please feel free to email us at info@womengettingreal.com.

Relationships Need a Real God

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It is always a challenge at first to follow God into a new teaching topic. It is not the study or the actual delivery of the spiritual download I tremble over.

It is the living it out first in private before He lets me share it in the public.

Therefore you can imagine my hesitation to teach on healthy relationships. No, more than just healthy, He is going after loving relationships with others, even the “others” that I can’t stand, can’t forgive, can’t believe will be different.

I can talk about a loving healthy relationship with that Lover Boy Jesus all day long. But when you get into other peeps or my family, ouch, this cuts a little too close to home. And yet. Isn’t this precisely the way of God? To so overwhelm us with His love and affection that we spill out and over on others? Proverbs says “the tongue of the wise brings healing.” And we need to hear Jesus speak healing into every relationship we have.

So this new seminar  on June 9, is very simply a time plant a few seeds of Jesus in our lives. Most of us have been through some sort of counseling, even Bible studies. Yet most of us would say our relationships don’t change much. I find that to be so counter to the way of God.

When people in the Bible had an encounter with Jesus, their lives were changed. Some instantly, some over time, but all were changed because He put something in them that produced His life.  Real Life. That is what we are going after.

Plan to come with a desire to pull weeds in your heart, and to let God plant His healing and wisdom instead.

Real Life. Real Relationship.
June 9, 9:30-Noon
Fuse Church, Midpark Drive
Open to All: women, men, couples, singles
Love Offering Event
Pre registered Childcare Only.