christian author and speaker

Is God Working The “I Quit” Out Of You?

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God always plants a seed bigger than you can handle at the time. The dream, the adventure He is inviting you on is way bigger than you would “think or imagine” and is way, way outside your comfort zone. That is why it takes God to pull off a God-sized dream, life, or impact. The good news is He moves in small deliberate steps to prepare the soil of your heart and spirit. Over time, you grow in capacity to handle the harvest of the seed He planted.

You already witness this in the physical world.

Think about pregnancy. The seed is far smaller in the beginning than can be seen. But as it enlarges, a woman’s body must grow, must change to accommodate the fullness of the seed-now-become-human.

Think about compound interest. It is a modest sum at first, but as it rolls over and over in multiplication, it becomes far bigger than the original investment.

Think about drops of water. These seemingly inconsequential, isolated beings of water congregate and become raging rivers and deafening waterfalls that literally move mountains.

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Think about about your dreams and callings. They are smaller than can be seen in the beginning, nearly inconsequential and easily dismissed. But in the course of time, God is stretching you out of your comfort zones. He is changing your shape and capacity to be able to carry His calling. He is investing and adding penny after penny, drop of water to drop of water. In time, He will move the mountains in your own mind and soul to make room for His plans.

One of my biggest mountains was called, “I quit.”

Continue reading →

Beautifully Hard Lessons of Motherhood — Part Three

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I hear this a lot.  “I am just trying to be a good wife and mother.” My advice? Stop.  Whaaat?  Yes, please stop trying to “be” someone based on the role you fill. A wife and mother may be holy assignments and job descriptions. However, they are not who we are. (Are you single? Your work is not the end goal.)

So many women have their worth totally wrapped around their children’s success or husband’s satisfaction, or even how the house looks. But if all those things went away, we would still have a woman standing there. Who are you really?

Who you are “are,”  first and foremost, is a child of God, enjoyed in Heaven, empowered by the Holy Spirit, and loved by Jesus. This reality trumps every other role we might fill.

Perhaps a greater quest is to be a good “you.”

Who did God have in mind when He created you? What needs to be transformed, taken off, put on to restore that image? This is the goal. When we  walk in our true authentic self, then we learn how to carry out our responsibilities as a wife and mother from a completely different place. We give to others the freedom we ourselves have received.

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Honestly, so many of our hang-ups come when we compare ourselves to others. We think we can’t measure up, or our unique flavor is not acceptable, so we desperately try to hide ourselves or conform to fit some social mold. This is true inside the church and out.

To be sure, there is a standard. But it does not come from you and I. It comes from God alone. God is the One who tells us what kind of woman He desires. He is the One who tells us what we are working on. This journey is happening as we parent, as we do married life. So He uses our husband and children to reveal and refine the woman-in-the-making.

Sometimes we make it really hard, but doing a check-in with the fruit of His Spirit is a great place to start. The result of Him being in us, or His fruit, changes us. He is making us loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, gentle, faithful, full of self control. We are all uniquely different, but all looking more like Him.

How do we cooperate? Keep Him first.

Obvious right? Not so much.  If our kids, regardless of their age, get the best and most of our attention, we are out of whack. If our husband’s opinion, or friends’ or church’s opinion, means more than God’s opinion, we are out of whack.

We are talking Creator to created. Who knows you better than anyone? Who alone seeks your good without selfish gain or need? Who alone knows how to satisfy your deepest longing to be known and loved?

It’s a pretty short list. Jesus alone.

Want to be a better wife and mom? Be with Jesus. Don’t just read about Him. Be with Him.

Hear me when I say, the world needs the you that God created. Not the sin-broken, fear-driven,  comparison-trapped person on a gerbil wheel trying to perform.

We need the free, empowered and empowering others, honestly loving, warrior that God created. Don’t settle for anything less.

Trust me. Our kids and husband will benefit when we do.

“There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.” Philippians 1:6

 

 

 

So about the Beach…

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Yes, it’s a beach trip. Yes, it’s a date with Jesus. Yes, it is soul time. Yes, it is heart time with other women (don’t let that scare you.) Yes, it is a deep breath, a belly laugh, a new vision, a creative outlet, even a few walls are torn down. It is worship and teaching. It is Yes and Amen Retreat at the Beach.

I don’t really know why this is such a profound time…But women from all ages and stages overcome their dreaded fears of “other women” and we soak in the presence of God. And it changes us all.

There is time to walk on the beach and gather shells. Time to  journal. Time to share thoughts and ideas. Time to be creative and stretch yourself. Time to pray for yourself and others. Maybe most of all, it is time to listen to the One our souls love. And the beach is the perfect place to hear him.  In a very real way, this is time you set apart to be with God. And that in itself is profound.

So you are formally invited. To step out, to draw near. To risk and be rewarded.  But seriously, don’t wait too long. The spaces are half full already. Continue reading →

Dear Blackberry Farm, It’s Still Porn…

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Whether it is the Super Bowl, the Playboy Mansion, or Blackberry Farm,  presenting women as objects, reducing their whole person to body parts for male stimulation and pleasure is still porn and it’s still wrong.

Some local news outlets applauded the prestigious Blackberry Farm for receiving yet  “another accolade”  for excellence because they provided the backdrop for the latest Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.  On the contrary, it seems they have cheapened their reputation by being an upscale Hooters.  For an organization dedicated to the highest quality possible, they have dropped their standards to such a degree that I have to wonder, is the publicity worth it? No wait, is the degradation of women worth it? Evidently, sadly, yes.

Men behaving badly is the same regardless of your locale.stop porn  This is so painfully obvious that it is near ridiculous to even have to write it out in black and white.

Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition is not art. It’s not benign. It’s not harmless.  Neither is sex trafficking, or adultery, or porn addiction.

It kills women, children and men. It breaks marriages and lives apart.

For what? An orgasm.  Are you kidding me? Continue reading →

Is Forgiveness Real, or Not?

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I really blew it with my kids yesterday.  Blame it on a toxic cocktail of hormones,  fear and the need to control.  Or.  Let’s just get real.  It was my loss of self control. 

Either way, when my emotional tornado passed, all of us looked and felt like one of those house-splintered aftermath scenes. They were hurt.  I was hurt. And I was pretty sure the Lord was sad too.  There was  a lot of debris to clean up.

As I made dinner, the scene replayed in my mind: my words, their faces.  My choices, their hurt. Over and over it played. My heart was breaking. I love my girls so much. And yet…I still said those horrible things.

“What do I do now??” I asked the Lord in a near panic.

Of course— I would ask my girls  for forgiveness.  But how do I be different next time? I was in a state of shock and disbelief.

Had He taught me so much only for me to lose it in a moment? Did His love not really matter when I needed it most? Was I ever going to learn how to deal with my emotions in a healthy way in the heat of the moment? Continue reading →

Why More Sex Doesn’t Fix Porn

/ Jana / 1 Comment

It makes me sick when pastors tell wives that if they had been sexing their husbands enough, then their husbands would not have turned to porn. But it makes me violent when pastors tell these now broken, betrayed wives that it is their duty to keep giving their porn addict husbands sex to make them better.

These same pastors misquote scripture to further beat up these wounded women. Well played guys.  Because orgasm is the god of the age.

One commonly misused passage is 1st Corinthians 7: 1- 7 Continue reading →

When Women Get in Motion

/ Jana / 1 Comment

We are born for motion.

And sometimes, oh how we fight it. After much resisting and arguing with God, I finally relented and went back to Jazzercise.  He  asked me to “love what He loves” which is His language for “Jana, take care of yourself.”

Selah…Are you loving what He loves?

So needless to say, I’m ba-a-a-ack, and man, He talks to me a lot while I  huff and puff and sweat. Think physical and spiritual workout at the same time.  While I shed fat and gain muscle, I shed lies and gain mental muscle too.  The first two weeks were brutal but worth it.

I ran into “her”,  got a new pair of shoes, and got a new inspiration. Whew, He was busy… I forgot He was so committed to my health (and your health). Continue reading →

Do you want to be free, or not?

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So yesterday morning my cat, Dante, brought  in a full grown chipmunk.

I heard the scrambling and the screeching and I ran to see it just in time as the poor chipmunk leaped from the cat’s mouth as Dante fumbled down the stairs.

(Why the cat felt the need to bring it downstairs is unclear and absurd. Getting in the cat door with a full grown animal is impressive enough, but down the stairs? Anyway…)

Immediately the other cat, Leonardo, and the dog, Lucy, were on high alert, sniffing and running after the poor creature who is also on high alert. The chipmunk is panicking and smelling and trying to find someplace to hide quickly. With a lunge, it ran behind the piano.

I am too am now on high alert. I put one cat in the bedroom and closed the door. I put the other cat upstairs. And closed the door. I put the dog in the crate and closed the door.

For the chipmunk…I opened the basement door. Wide open. Empty room with a open door

It did not budge.

I got a broom and tried to gently push it out from behind the piano so it can see the open door. See the freedom.  But the broom was too short.

And so we stood there. The chipmunk and I.  It was hiding and cowering. I was standing there waiting, hoping it would smell the scents of the freshly rained on morning and peek around the piano and see freedom.

“Okay buddy. It’s all on you. I have done all I can.”

I removed the obstacles. I opened the door. The rest was on the chipmunk.

Freedom is choice.

For the chipmunk. For us.

We can cower in fear all our lives. We can hide in dark places and feel sorry for ourselves.

Or we can peek around the corner and see that God has already bound our tormentors and has opened the door to freedom. Wide open. The rest is up to us.

Choose freedom today. Freedom from anxiety,  anger,  self pity and even sadness. There is a fresh newly rained on morning awaiting. All you have to do is go through the open door.

The chipmunk finally did. So can you.

 

Photo Credit: tellthemisaidsomething.com

 

 

“All the Lonely [Women]…Where do they all come from?”

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(Guys. Because most of you only need one friend, and a spare, you are excused from this conversation.  Unless you are married. Then you need to read this for your wife’s sake.)

Why do we do this to ourselves?  We are so lonely. We have this ache and groan for friendship, deep heart connections, spurring one another on…But it is so hard to make it happen. Why? I’m afraid the answer will not be easy going down.

As much as we want to have an excuse…we really don’t. We are lonely.  But I think we are lonely by choice.  Take a deep breath.  Keep reading.

My friend and I just said that we needed more community and we agreed that it was hard to do—hard to find. As I drove off, I thought to myself, ‘it’s hard to find community because I am so picky.”

How about you? (Be honest…)  We don’t like this group because they are immature. Or that group because they’re fake. This group because they are shallow. That group because they are so goody goody—too serious—too wild—too Christian—too old—too young. Really?

Oh my goodness… I make myself tired. And lonely. How about you?  Do you know the number one comment I hear from women who need community?

“Nobody gets me, it’s too risky.”

I used to think we were too busy, which we are, but the bigger issue is the self-made hurdles we construct to keep us in and others out. We are afraid of getting hurt. So we isolate and assume that “nobody cares about me.”  We use  these hurdles to make it impossible to connect: Children, work, church, husbands, homework, cleaning house.  I am guilty of many of these. And you?

IMG_2593Yes, those those things are valid and demand our investment,  but we make time for the things we truly want and need. Sounds crazy, but when I am out of toilet paper I tend to make time to get some. Why? It is way up on my crucial list of “got-to-have-it.” Then why do we go so long without friend connections?  We are women. We got to have friends. And generally, a lot of them.

I am hearing a verse surface in my spirit. “We love because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:19)   I wonder if that is our model for community?

We first love others and then they love us. That’s a novel idea. We do community to give love instead of to get love. “But how?” says my friend-deprived heart, “I am empty. Dried out. Needy.”

Uhm… that’s not what friends are for. That’s what Jesus is for.

Jesus is the friend who gives me help and worth and comfort.  The earthly friends are gifts from God to keep me and you company in the process and journey of life. They are icing on the cake. Not the cake.  I have received and given counsel and encouragement and laughter from many friends over the years. But not even a thousand earthly friends can fill the place reserved for Jesus.

So here are some action items.  I am talking to myself as well as to  you.

1) Stop feeling sorry for yourself.  You are not the only lonely, busy, misunderstood woman out there. Go to Jesus and look for His comfort. Then—

2) Reach out to someone. Not with a motive of what you are going to get, but reach out and bless someone. Pray for them and tell them you love them. Don’t put any obligations or demands on them to respond. Love others first just as Jesus loved you.  Watch how that starts coming back to you.

3) Purposely schedule some friend time in the very  near future. Make a date with a new friend, old friend or could be friend.  And then keep the date. How many women do I know who flake out at the last minute?  Unless you are in the ER, keep the friend date.

4) Get a list of women and start praying for them. When you get the “friend ache” let that be a trigger to pray. God will meet you in your need as you intercede for others.

5) Last one…humble yourself.  Stop discounting other people. If God lives in us all, then the people all around us are potential friends. Maybe not BFFs. But they are people that could walk a stretch of the journey with us. If we learned to savor people a little more, we might stop dismissing the opportunities that God is giving.

You know I am so glad my friend broke the ice today and glad she reached out to me.  She just spilled out through her tears that she needed some friendship.  I had no idea. But her comments  were like a shock treatment.  I kept thinking, “Me too!”   And I realize, I have a choice. So do you.

Let’s get out of that stuck place. And choose to be connected. We need each other.

 “Let us love one another, for love comes from God.” ( 1 John 4:7)

(Another thought:  if you don’t have any place to start, then come to  the “I Need More” Class on Tuesday, September 30th. It’s a great place to meet some diverse and wonderful women. I am honored to walk with them. )