Charis and I were doing school a school project about the lifecycle of ladybugs. You know, the eggs, the larva, the pupa, the adult?
And as Charis was coloring the little eggs on a leaf she asked me:
“Mom, do ladybugs have babe-n-sitters (her word for babysitters)?”
I laughed and said, “No, why?”
“Well who keeps her babies when she has to leave? Poor Mama Ladybug, she must be so tired.”
Have you ever noticed that sometimes when you get a big win, a new purchase, a grand gift, that there is often a loss that follows shortly after?
I am thinking of Salem’s birthday gifts. She got an unexpected amount of Legos, new and used. She was naturally delighted and overwhelmed. But a couple of days later, she was nearly distraught because she had lost one of her old favorite sets, a small motorcycle.
I saw myself in this real life parable. God gives me so much, new and wondrous, that I didn’t even know I was getting, and the glow of that quickly fades as I lament over a much smaller, insignificant “treasure” from the past. And as I was trying to comfort Salem, because I really was sad with her that she had lost this favorite toy, I felt like God was teaching us both.
“Godliness with contentment is great gain,” I told her (1st Timothy 6:6). It is not just godliness, for that can be self-righteousness. It is not just contentment, because many a monk missed the abundance of our giving God through self-denial. It is not just great gain, because there are many who have much, but live in misery.
It is the perfect blend of all, godliness, contentment, and great gain. They balance each other, like a chemical reaction. Too much of either one, and the recipe is ruined. And I believe that God loves to tinker with our ingredients to help us develop a taste for more of Him.
For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever! Amen. Romans 11:36
May I be candid? Boredom is often a lack of vision and gratitude. Hear me out. When you lack vision and purpose, then you can easily feel like what you are doing is beneath you or insignificant. But when you know the greater good or goal, then the mundane (which is still mundane) becomes part of a bigger puzzle rather than the end result.
For example, laundry wears me out. It is tiresome, boring and never-ending. But it is not the sum total of me as a woman, wife or mother. It is a piece of the mundane that simply gets done. Here is where the gratitude kicks in. The other day, I literally said out loud as I was changing the clothes over, “Thank you, Lord, that I don’t have to carry all these clothes to a river and pound them with a rock. Thank you that I have machines that wash and dry them. Thank you that I have clean water to wash them in.” Granny always said, “Count your blessings.”
If you find you are “bored” with your life as a whole, then that is a great invitation to go back to the Lord to discover your strengths, dream and passions. I am currently reading the book, Your Strongest Life. It is specifically written for women who want to live life to the fullest. I highly recommend it as a temperature check on whether you are checking out, wimping out, or launching!
Or am I? We decided to break away from our traditional family gathering and head to the beach instead. No problem, right? Wrong.
Traditions and perceptions of traditions are very, very weighty issues. Let me try to explain. If you are born in the South, and you have a big family, and you cook, and you have birthed “grandchildren,” then you go home for the holidays. If you don’t, this is almost grounds for stoning or disowning. Or both.
No one told me this. It is just what I have always perceived as truth. It is after all, the point of traditions. You do it the same way every year. From Hallmark to relatives’ comments and expectations, there is a credo of family rituals. This credo is sometimes spoken of kindly or demanded at all costs. Sometimes it is communicated in a cold, silent chill. Attached to this credo is a guilt-producing factor that rings something like, “This ritual is a way of showing appreciation and love for your family.”
I don’t think I really got all this until I decided to forego the credo. The pit in my stomach as I thought about telling my family that I wouldn’t be there was a great revealer of both the credo and my willing buy-in. But as I wrestled through this drama, I realized just how crazy all this pressure is. The duty, the obligation, the guilt, the strain — it simply doesn’t add up.
For example, my friend is from Ohio and she doesn’t want to go home. So maybe it isn’t a Southern thing. My other friend has a big family and she’s not going home. So maybe it isn’t a big family thing. All of us have children (read grandchildren), but we are seeing their grandmas and grandpas at other special times. And the cooking thing, well, they don’t have Sister Schubert rolls for nothing.
What are we all doing instead of going home for Thanksgiving? Being quiet, resting, spending time with “our” families. That doesn’t sound so evil does it?
Sure you don’t want to miss out on family gatherings every year. But you sure don’t want to go (and be miserable) just so you can check off a box. Maybe — just maybe — the credo has bullied us around long enough. What did my family do when I told them? They said they would miss us. No threats, no dramas, no manipulation. That was all in my head. I know for some that would not be the reaction. For some it is downright emotional blackmail. But we always have a choice.
Here is the Scripture the Lord gave me: “Better a meal of vegetables where there is love, than a fattened calf with hatred.” I love my family, and they love me. Of course we will miss each other. But when I finally got the guts to tell them that I was breaking out of the mold, I felt really free. Free like I had actually chosen to love.
I chose to love “my” family by investing real down time with them. I chose to love my extended family by being honest —”I am tired and need a break.” Besides, I wouldn’t be doing my family any favors by going out of duty and obligation. I chose to love myself by tending to my own heart instead of stuffing everything and pretending to play along. And my own kids? They are learning that there are lots of ways to celebrate and be thankful.
Isn’t that the whole point? To be thankful? So take yourself off the hook. Use your voice and your spine if that is what it takes. And Be Real. . . Real about what you can and can’t do. Real about what you really need. Real about being thankful. Be thankful for times together and times apart. One of my mom’s favorite verses is from Ecclesiastes: “There is a time for every season.”
Enjoy your Thanksgiving. I know I will.
As we continue to talk about Rest and the life of God in us, I want to share an excerpt about the power of the gospel. The author’s definition of “gospel” is not just praying the prayer, but the death-to-life transformation that God has begun and will complete according to the promise through His Resurrected Son.
“In much of the popular writing on spiritual formation there is a tendency to convey a very stunted view of the gospel. We get the idea that what unbelievers need is the gospel, and then, once they accept Christ as Savior, they move on to “needing discipleship,” which consists of learning about Christ, developing the fruit of the Spirit, learning how to have a quiet time, and so forth.
However, the picture that the New Testament gives is remarkably different.
We must remember the description of the gospel as the power of God for the beginning, the middle, and the end of salvation. Often we do not really understand all the vast implications and applications of the gospel. Only as we apply the gospel more and more deeply and radically —only as we think out all its truth — does it bear fruit and grow. The key to continual and deeper spiritual renewal and revival is the persistent rediscovery of the gospel.
All our spiritual problems come from a failure to apply the gospel. This is true for us both as a community and as individuals.”
page 32 of Spiritual Formation as if the Church Mattered, James C. Wilhoit
Regardless of whether you love animals like I do or not, this is hilarious. I found it at my vet’s office.
The Top 10 Reasons Your Dog’s Haircut Costs More Than Yours:
10 – Your hairdresser does not wash and clean your rear end.
9 – You don’t go 12 weeks (or six months) and never wash or brush your hair.
8 – Your hairdresser doesn’t give you a “sanitary trim.”
7 – Your hairdresser doesn’t clean your ears.
6 – You sit still for your hairdresser.
5 – Your hair cut does not include a manicure and pedicure.
4 – Your hairdresser doesn’t have to remove the “boogies” from your eyes.
3 – Your hairdresser only cuts the hair on your head, as opposed to your whole body.
2 – You don’t bite or scratch your hairdresser.
And . . .
The Number One Reason Your Dog’s Haircut Costs More . . .
The likelihood of you pooping and peeing on your hairdresser is slim.
I have so many God stories of His supernatural provision that I could write 10 books. But Tuesday night I was basking in the beauty of one of my favorite answers to prayer.
My daughter, Salem.
We were in her room, full from birthday cake, waiting for the clock to display 8:38 pm — the time she had been born 12 years earlier. And like all kids, she was asking about who was at the hospital, what was the scoop, what was her story.
“What did Dad do when I was born?”
“He cried.”
“What were you doing?”
“Crying.”
“And Grandmaw and Grandpaw, what were they doing?”
“Waiting anxiously, then crying.”
“Salem, I don’t think you realize how many prayers were sent up for us to have a baby. There was much rejoicing when you were born,” I said.
And with that last comment came a flood of memories. Of churches, of youth groups, and women’s groups. Places where I had shared my story of abortion, heartache and healing. The outcry of these listeners had been to pray for God to bless Chuck and me with a baby. After Salem was born, I found out that people in my church had quietly prayed that God would heal our hearts and bodies so that we would be able to have children.
Here Chuck and I were walking through the silent and grieving hell of infertility, but God was stirring His saints to pray nonetheless.
Pray they did. And He was pleased to answer.
Looking at this feisty, strong willed, solemn warrior-child before me, I was really amazed again at the mercy of God.
My thoughts turned toward heaven when I will see all those people who prayed for us, who never saw us again and never heard the rest of the story. When I see them in heaven, I can’t wait to introduce them to Salem, the answer to their prayers.
Oh pray without ceasing, believing that He hears our cries and intercessions.
“The prayers of the saints are like sweet smelling incense.”
Normally, we try to look at one real question on Wednesdays. Today, I’m not answering just one question. I’m answering ten! I know this is a loaded topic…BUT one worth talking about since it affects 1 out of 5 women. I was approached by a high school student with these questions and thought I would share my answers.
1. Do you believe abortion is morally correct?
No.
2. In what circumstances do you believe abortion is socially acceptable?
Never.
3. In your opinion, is the third trimester too late to perform an abortion?
Absolutely.
4. Do you believe abortion can cause depression or mental side effects?
Absolutely. In addition, it can cause nightmares, rage attacks, self-hatred leading to eating disorders, cutting, addictions to drugs and alcohol. Anything to numb the pain. It also causes long- lasting trauma to relationships, something people rarely discuss. This breach in conscience prevents future trusting relationships, especially with men.
5. What do you believe causes the women to have abortion as an option?
Fear. Fear of being alone, of being stuck with baby, of being “fat”, of being found out, of losing their life, of being a bad mother.
6. As an estimate, how many people do you know who have had an abortion?
I know personally 20+ but have counseled more than a 100 women.
7. Under the circumstances, what age is most common related to abortions?
17-25 is my guess. Middle school girls think having a baby is “cool” and often decide to parent rather than release for adoption. Most occur around end of high school or in college when a woman feels like “she has her whole life ahead of her.” Funny that the mother’s life has greater value than the life of her unborn baby.
8. Do you believe that the male has a substantial part in the decision process of an abortion?
Ahhhh, tough question. Yes, I do morally now. But when faced with that, I moved forward regardless of his decision.
9. Do you believe that the parents of the female play an important role in the decision process of abortion?
Many many abortions happen with the push of over active parents. They are more concerned with reputation than the value of life and the value of hardship in character building for their child. And many girls also have abortions out of fear of their parents finding out. They are trying to hide the evidence, as it were.
10. Can previous abortions cause emotional problems in future relationships and the start of a family?
I mentioned this but absolutely… Many women I have counseled with “withheld” this secret for fear of rejection from their husbands. So they are grieving in silence. It causes sexual disconnect and all kinds of trauma around having children in the future. “I killed one baby how can I welcome this one,” is the mentality.
Also there is a HUGE medical issue of damage done during the procedure where STDs are spread, damage to the cervix and tearing of the uterus. Abortion is one of the riskiest medical procedures ever and it has NO medical oversight or accountability. It absolutely affects the ability to bear children in the future.
A few more comments if I may?
I had an abortion at the age of 18. It was one of the most painful things I had ever lived through, physically, emotional and spiritually. No one ever told me the truth about any of those things prior to the procedure. But more information is not the answer necessarily. At that time, we made sure it was never called a baby, so when I found that out, I was doubly horrified. Today, we know it is a baby and call it a baby, but we so undervalue the intrinsic worth of a human being, it causes perhaps more harm. Mom has no value so baby has no value. And so even after abortion, mom continues to suffer from lack of value and worth which often leads to more sex, dirtier partners, more pregnancies, more abortions, etc.
I debated a woman from Planned Parenthood once and challenged her point that she was “empowering women.” Empowering women is not accomplished by killing women and men, even if they are in fetus stage. Empowering women is to teach them about actions and consequences; sex leads to babies. But also about the overwhelming energy given to a woman when she is taught how to harness her passions and focus them on good and long-term results. Parenting and adoption is incredibly hard. But they are choices that lead to life and hope and possibilty.
Abortion is quick and final. No life, no hope, no possibility.
Healing is my final point. I know many women who have tried many things to wash away the guilt of the blood on their hands. It has been my experience that only the blood of Jesus has the power to do that. I am not a church lady. But my life was radically transformed when I realized that even though I was a murderer, God still loved me. It was a long arduous road to recover my heart, but one I am thankful for beyond measure.
Don’t know if anyone else has indoor-outdoor pets, but this is the season of fleas. The warm and cold weather is like a breeding ground for these tiny annoyances. So what started out as a random event, “Hey look there is flea on my leg,” soon became a overwhelming lament, “Mom, there are fleas all over my room.”
Funny how fleas multiply so fast. There’s probably a Biblical truth tucked away in there. But we called the Orkin man to treat the house and called the vet to get some Advantage Flea treatment for the cats and dog. However, the reason I write about this tiny but powerful menace is because they reminded me of a story.
Corrie Ten Boom was an amazing woman who survived the concentration camp in Holland during the Holocaust. We read her book, The Hiding Place, out loud a couple of winters ago. Her story of walking through such hell and still holding on to God, and believing that God was holding on to her, was life-changing.
She recalls a time when the dorm she and her sister lived was unbearable. The building that had been built to accommodate 400 people now housed 1400. Too many women. Not enough food, water, space, or blankets.
It was infested with fleas. Everywhere, all the time, they were covered with biting fleas. And there was no Orkin man to call.
But like the smallest of flames push back the darkest of nights, these two praying women continued to believe that God was able to meet their needs. In their smuggled Bible, they came upon Thessalonians where it says to “give thanks in all circumstances.” By faith they began to thank God for all the terrible circumstances they were living through, one by one. But Corrie and Betsy both stopped short: How do you thank God for fleas? Finally, they came to a place of trust and rest, that yes, even the fleas were part of God’s goodness to them.
Weeks later, they found out that the reason they had been able to openly read their smuggled Bible, lead weekly Bible studies, and publicly pray with the women in the dorm was because the guards would not step foot in their dorm…because of the fleas.
Will you go there? Will you thank God for all the bad, hard, hurtful, annoying, painful places in your life? Will you still praise His name?
God really is working all the things in your life, all your fleas, for your good. So thank Him, by faith, believing that He alone sees beyond your circumstances and what He is doing in you, and through you.
http://www.broadcaster.org.uk/section2/transcript/hidingplace.html
“Mama, my teacher said that when someone goes to hell they are separated from God forever,” Charis said, her eyes bright and shining.
“That’s right,” I said, typing on my computer.
“Well,” she continued, “I am going to be separated from the devil forever when I go to heaven.”
I stopped typing and sat stunned for a moment, just letting my mind reflect on this. That IS right. Separated from our enemy forever.
And I heard the Lord say in my spirit. “What can separate us from the love of God?”
Then it hit me. We are already separated. When Jesus cried out, “It is finished,” He completed, bridged, redeemed, restored all that the enemy had stolen from us. There is a New Covenant because He is the New Adam. We are New creations. There is “therefore no condemnation in Christ Jesus,” says Romans 8. “The old has gone. The NEW has come,” Paul declared to the Corinthians and to us.
Would you today reflect on the great love of the Father? Would you declare out loud the words from Romans:
If God is for us, who can be against us?
He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all—
how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?
Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,
neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,
neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation,
will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.