Author: Jana

Pearls of Wisdom: What’s Your Alabaster Box?

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“We have this treasure in earthen vessels
to show that this power is from God and not from us.” 

Unlike the Olympians we are celebrating, I spent years feeling worthless, disqualified and inadequate. All through high school people told me I had “lots of potential,” however, I didn’t really have a  clear vision about what to do with this supposedly budding possibility. So years after high school and college, with a life in ruins, I felt all my potential had resulted in nothing more than dried up, broken rubble.

God found me in this broken state. Because He is so kind, He set about to repair me, to mend and heal. Even redefine me.  God began telling me who I was in His eyes. His dreams about me. More than just some haunting, ever needing-to-be proven potential, God told me He dreamed of how His power could complete the work He began in me. He was moving through me, with me.

He washed off the disappointment I felt from myself and others. He washed off fear of failure and even the unwillingness to try. He redefined my idea of success. He had to because once I began to produce, my eyes were constantly looking for others’ approval.

God made things really simple for me. He said that all the gifts and callings in me were put there by His hand. Yes, there were natural talents from birth. But He had placed things in me that could only be accessed and released through Him, in relationship with Him.

I told Him I didn’t understand. So He gave me the revelation of the alabaster box. alabaster-jar

I so relate to the story in Luke when a sinful woman anointed Jesus. She had been completely overwhelmed and overhauled by the love of Jesus. She wanted to express her love and devotion so she poured costly perfumed oil on his feet and wiped it with her hair. You know the story, I am sure. The whole room was changed by her act of abandoned worship.

But here is what Jesus said to me:

Jana, your computer (it was a white iBook then) is like your alabaster box. Use your computer like oil to be poured out on Me as an act of worship. As you love on me, others may see your devotion and smell the aroma the perfume, but it’s for Me. I love it when you love on Me like this. I’ll change the room. You focus on Me.

What’s your alabaster box? Art. Sewing. Cooking. Math. Engineering. Or like we have seen lately, gymnastics, swimming, or diving.

I can tell you there was a shift from that day forward. It has taken a lot of pressure off my need for approval. Now, when I sit down to write or prepare, I present my alabaster box to the Lord. I ask Him what He wants to pour out of it. Simply put, whatever comes out, it’s for Him.

The oil of my devotion is for the One who gave me a new life. A life that’s not just full of potential, but full of His power. 

Verse adapted from 2 Corinthians 4:7

 

 

Letting Your Teen Go…A New Kind of Stretch Marks

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My family and friends were at a restaurant playfully bantering, as is our custom. We are a lippy sort of crowd with (mostly) good-natured jokes and jabs flying often. After one such mother-daughter volley, my Very-Ready-To-Go-Senior turned to her friend and said, “Only six more months. I only have to listen to this for Six. More. Months!”   The whole table erupted in a knowing laughter. Including me. Except as suddenly as we laughed, tears started falling from my eyes. I mean, falling. Like rats jumping from a sinking ship. The laughter turned into this weird, awkward “Mom are you okay??”

I looked to Chuck for rescue. I didn’t even know what had happened in this blink of a eye. His eyes softened and he put an understanding hand on my arm. “Mama,” he said in a tender voice, “you gonna be okay?”

Oh, now I see why the rats were jumping!  The ship WAS sinking. Sinking.  “Sure, sure,” I choked out and immediately excused myself from the table to go cry in the bathroom.

Six months. My girl was going to be gone in six short months. I sat in the stall snorting and snotting and tried to remember the last time I felt this out of control of my own body. Oh that’s right. When I was pregnant.  Then, like now, there was a human being inside of me wrestling to get out, and I was trying to maintain my own mental stability while someone else was literally trying pull the life out of me.IMG_6854

I just want to say, very kindly for the record, the parenting books lied. At the very least, they lied by omission. They never forewarned us of the painful parallels. No one ever explained how the birthing process didn’t end at delivery and this grown up launching hurts every bit as much as labor. Liars.

They neglected to tell us that the incredible tension between “within you, a part you” and “outside of you, a part of you” never leaves. Did you hear me? It never leaves. Remember the internal battle?  How the warm fuzzy “I love creating new life” feeling warred against the “get this kid out of me” reality. I experience this same supercharged battle every day with my woman-child who is now kicking at the wall of my heart and home the same way she kicked at the wall of my womb.

I catch myself just looking at her like I did when she was a newborn. Of course she won’t let me hold her like I did then. But I try to soak her in, to capture every detail of how she has grown and changed, fully aware she is not done growing and changing. Only from here on out, I won’t have a front row seat.

Whew. There is that lump again. The out of nowhere lump in my throat that keeps catching me off guard. It beckons just like a contraction, a painful reminder that an inevitable life-change is on the horizon. And we are never going back to the way it was.  The other day, I was making work plans for the fall when the “contraction” hit. I had to stop and swallow down some maternal wail because, for the first time in 18 years, my plans would not involve my daughter.

Gulp. Sniff.

Here are a couple of God kisses for you mamas on the same heartwrecking roller coaster I am, and a little heads up for you mamas following close behind.

“There’s No Magic Formula.”

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We Are Slaves No More — Part 1

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“I’m pregnant.” These words provoke either sheer delight or absolute terror. Sometimes a mix of both. They are words that have caused me to weep before the Lord in recent days. As I prepare for Undaunted and seek God’s face on His opinion of women, my heart has become more and more — what’s the word? — disturbed, burdened, awakened, even explosive with the call that we, as women, must rise up to defend our image of God. We must raise the bar on ourselves so that our daughters and sons might have better role models. Fasten your seat belt, this could get uncomfortable.

I could, and will, talk about the social blight of male promiscuity. I could, and will, talk about the responsibility of men to be protectors and providers instead of predators.

But today, I want to ask you, just how willing are you, as a woman, to protect and defend yourself, your fellow sisters, and the next generation? I see three topics where we are so politically-charged and biblically off-base that women have become more oppressive to women than the men.

Topic One:  Let’s talk about abortion. Some prominent female authors I greatly admire speak of God and the beauty of women and yet they promote and campaign for women to have the “right” to their own body. I understand this completely.

It is the woman who is “trapped” by a baby. The woman whose body must “suffer” the contortion of physical changes in pregnancy. It is a woman who must “sacrifice” her dreams and goals because she has been “caught” in the act. It is the woman who often lives in poverty trying to care for children in single parent homes.  We have to do something to “empower women globally” is the cry of pro-choicers.

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However, instead of empowering women, have we have created generations of cowards? We have so lost our identity in God, so lost our personal responsibility to “above all else guard [our] heart” that we have actually fueled a hellish deception that women are victims and shouldn’t be penalized by sex.

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The Cure Before the Need

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“God is good,” I said in class Tuesday night. “Goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.” I said. Why? “Because I am with Jesus and Jesus is the Good Shepherd,” I said.  I went on to explain that God is trying to build our confidence that His Goodness impacts every area of our life all the time. And then it snowed.

Enough snow to postpone an event that I have been planning for months.  Ugh. My heart is busting with revelation. My team and I are all prayed up and armored up. We are chomping at the bit — and, the event is postponed. Really?

I wanted to whine. Or be sad or complain. But the Spirit kept repeating a line from a song we did in worship Tuesday night. “You are good, good. Yes you are good. You never fall off of your throne. You are good.”

God is so good that He is sometimes preemptive. I see that He gave me the cure before the need. The answer before the question. Instead of a “whhhhhyyyyyyy??” I am looking for His goodness.  He has raised a better question, “Lord what do you want me to do in the meantime?

Here is a short run list:
• Enjoy my kids in the snow.  My final prep crunch time has turned into a crafting, cooking, laughing with my family time.
• Take a deep breath and let go. Again. He whispered ever so sweetly to me, “there is no pressure here.”  Oh that’s right. He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.  This conference was about Him.  He can move it if He wants. I can trust Him in the details of getting the word out and rescheduling. (By the way, New Date is March 4-5!)
•Take a step back and review.  I can say a little extra time to pray, sort and refine really is a gift. He knew I needed that, I didn’t.

In the long run?  More time to worship, to listen, to get the word out, to move out of snow windows. Who knows what else He has up His sleeve?

But He is good. All the time.  So this weekend, I am going to snuggle up with the Good Shepherd and enjoy His snow. Hope you do the same.

 

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A Great Light Has Come…

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If we aren’t careful, we will peer into the darkness and lose our hope. The mind-numbing pain of the death of a child or a parent. The squeeze of finances, even debting for Christmas gifts. Dreams not yet realized. Faith not yet rewarded. Healing not yet completed. World issues that rattle our core so that we break down borders or build up borders. The prophet Isaiah said it well, “Like the blind we grope along the wall, feeling our way like people without eyes. At midday we stumble as if it were twilight; among the strong, we are like the dead.” (59:10)

But God. With us. In the very breath-crushing moment of your day, in the ache, the groan, remind yourself, “A great light has come into the world and the darkness cannot put it out.” This moment, your moment, is why Jesus came.  Your hopeless, helpless, overwhelming moment is why God sent His Son. His compassion made manifest through a baby.

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Fix it or Heal it?

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I had this crazy encounter with God last week. The details don’t matter except to say that I was at my wits end. I had planted myself on my couch in desperation. I read my bible, I worshiped. I sat there crying, and crying out to the Lord, that I didn’t know what to do. I was hurting, and I needed to hear from Him. My heart was breaking and I knew I needed His comfort and  His wisdom.

“How do I fix this?” I feebly said.

First came a wave of comfort like a blanket around my shoulders. Then came a wave of peace settling my mind and spirit.  Then ever so gently came His reply.

“You’re trying to fix something. I am trying to heal something,” He said.

lend-a-hand

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Undaunted. Are You Ready?

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A Woman’s Rightful Place in the Kingdom. Women are asking questions about Undaunted. No, it’s not like Unhindered. Yes, it’s for women only.  Audio will be available to share with your men No, this isn’t the standard party line about submissive roles. Yes, it honors God’s image of men. No, it’s not for wimps. Yes, it will challenge you, make you uncomfortable and just might rock your world.

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Sounds audacious, I know. But sometimes God blows me up spiritually to such a degree that I know He means business.

Undaunted is a message that God planted in my spirit years ago and He now says is finally ready to be released. It is about freedom. It is about daring to follow God into the most oppressive environments, even the church. It is about taking up God’s divine weapons to live fully gifted, fully loved, fully seen in the world today.

It’s about what happens globally when women rise up to God’s ordained place in the Kingdom. So many social issues of the day are linked to the missing voice of God’s women. This is not feminism. Not a militant posture. This is an invitation, permission, to discover God’s heart for women. And how we all, men and women, will be better when we are in our rightful places.

Come if you are spiritually dying for more. Come if you are curious, doubtful, or leery. Come if you want to spend some time in the presence of God.

Let the Spirit speak to your heart about who you are, why you are, and where you belong.

January 22, Friday Night, 7:00 – 9:30 pm
January 23, Saturday Morning, 9:00 – 12:00 pm

Fuse Church, Kirby Road, Knoxville

Love offering event.
Beverages and light snacks served.

 

Do You Need To Re-think Christmas?

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God gave me a huge download this last week.  I had a birthday which can be exhilarating and excruciating at the same time. Smile. I guess that reality aligns with our actual birth days which were full of joy and full of pain. However one precious gift I received was a word from the Lord. An actual word: honor.  I am still translating all that the Spirit poured out but I thought it was no accident to get this word right at Christmas time.

Honor is to elevate above, esteem, hold in high value. The Spirit brought to mind the verse, “he who honors me, him will I honor.” (1 Samuel 2:30)  It’s an odd verse.  But it is packed with promise. This isn’t a duty-bound, fear-driven demand. This is an invitation. From God.  He is saying, if you honor me, it’s not a one-way street. I am going to turn around and honor you back.  Selah.

I don’t know if you know this about God. But here is the word picture.  A mom says to her daughter, “You go fill up your hands with candy and give it to me. And then I will fill up my hands with candy and give it to you…”

Who do you think has bigger hands?

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Caught Unaware

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A beautiful bush in my back yard is blooming. Yes, it is December and this plant seems undeterred by the normal spring season. To be honest, I almost missed it. I was not looking for flowers in December.

This beautiful white flower in the middle of a leafless East Tennessee just keeps singing in my spirit.

“Are you seeing the unexpected?”

If I had been alert, if I had known, if I had been looking, I would have been expecting the arrival of this unusual plant called a camellia. A quick Google search revealed an October through April blooming season. Here it has been in my yard, but I didn’t take the time to research it. To understand. To expect it.

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Let’s Love Our Kids—and Our Company

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True confessions.  I used to get so stressed out cleaning and perfecting that my family hated having people come over.  It hit me like a ton of bricks the day both my girls whined, “I hate having company.”  Whaaaaat? How have I failed to teach them hospitality? How could they be so insular? so selfish?  Then the rest of their sentence rolled out.

“You are always so angry and stressed out that it’s not worth it.”

Selah.

How could I teach them love for others when I was not loving them under pressure? I am glad that hard conversation came when it did. And I am sad that my temper tantrums lasted as long as they did. Hospitality, it turns out, begins at home. So does honor, respect, patience and valuing others, no matter how old your kids are. Unskilled toddlers or resistant teens.

I know some of you sweet, calm moms have no idea what I am talking about. But some of you do.

We want everything to be so perfect, so under control, that we try to manage our children like little chess pieces on a gameboard to keep everything “just right.” Here is the kicker. If I have to yell to get my chore list done to my satisfaction, I don’t have my priorities in place.

“Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me,” the hymn rings out.  Maybe it is better said, “Let there be peace in my home, and let it begin with me.”

God changed me.  I have had many people over in the last four years. The chores have gotten done, or not. The table set beautifully, or not. The food delicious, or not. And none of those “things” have been more important than loving on my kids and husband well in the process.

I didn’t realize it before, but my explosion on them was inadvertently saying, you don’t matter as much as the company does. Although my message was “let’s love on other people,”  my actions said “let’s love on other people at your expense.”

Okay take a deep drink from the cup of Grace. He loves you no matter what. But let’s learn some new ways.

Here are a few guardrails God gave me to keep all the “getting ready” energy flowing in peace:

• It doesn’t have to be perfect to be well done. Be satisfied with less.

• If I am getting charged up, I am not trusting God in the details. Stop and pray.

• My kids are going to learn from me, so I might as well teach them grace instead of rage. Worship instead of worry.

• And finally, understand that the peace in your home is more important to everyone than the looks and the food.

I can go anywhere for food. I can’t go anywhere and get the peace of God. Invite Him to rest in your home while you prepare it for others.

Okay. Enjoy getting ready for Thanksgiving. I mean it. Enjoy it. All of it.

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Porter LeBoeuf enjoying some of her grandmother’s, Kate LeBoeuf, delicious goodies. And her peace.