Author: Jana

Near to the Heart of God

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I have been wrestling since I got home from this trip.  Wrestling over the unguided generation coming up in Zimbabwe, with little to no parents, and the cannibalizing government that seems free to feed on its own people.
I wrestle with what to do, how to do and even if I should do…anything.  It is so Christian, and even American, to want to rush in to the rescue. But our rescue is not necessarily the needed medicine.
In contrast, I also shudder at the parallels of thoughts and attitudes of our own country to the thoughts and attitudes of far away Zimbabwe.  Attitudes such as entitled government at the expense of the working class, perverted images of women and of marriage. Lack of self restraint and a work ethic are bad here, but there you see years down the road. It’s not a pretty reality.
On top of this my heart is beating ever stronger for the plight of women and children swept into the cesspool of the sex trade. Seems we all need to be rescued.
“God, where are you in all this?” is a common cry of my heart. “For their sakes, for our own, what do You have to say about this?”
This morning, I think He began answering that question. First, I dreamed I was doing a worship dance to the song Beauty for Ashes. “I delight myself in riches of fare, trading all that have for all that is better,” is the line that sticks out. Then in the early moments of waking, I heard this line from an old, old hymn. “There is a place of quiet rest, near to the heart of God.”  The next lines got fuzzy and I could only remember part of the chorus, “Oh Jesus, blessed Redeemer…heart of God…”
The song didn’t go away and my mind woke up searching for the rest of the words. And then I remembered one of my dreams, where someone said clearly, “You need to read Psalm 46.”
Needless to say, first priority I found a book that had the whole hymn and I looked up Psalm 46.  Seems the Lord has a good answer to these kinds of questions. Don’t just read the words of each of these. Sit on them, absorb them. Relate them to your world, our world.
God comfort and encourage our hearts, Amen.

There is a place of quiet rest
Near to the heart of God
A place where sin cannot molest
Near to the heart of God
There is a place of comfort sweet
Near to the heart of God
A place where we our Savior meet
Near to the heart of God.
There is a place of full release
Near to the heart of God.
A place were all is joy and peace
Near to the heart of God.
O Jesus, blessed Redeemer
Sent from the heart of God
Hold us, who wait before thee
Near to the heart of God.
CB McAfee
God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells.  God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.

Nations are in an uproar, and kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice the earth melts. The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Come see the works of the Lord, the desolations he has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear, he burns the shields with fire.

“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Psalm 46

Looking For God In Zimbabwe

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Audacious title isn’t it?  But there is a reason for it. For some of us on the team, the notion of hearing from God was about as foreign as the soil we were on. It was a great joy to share and coach these folks on the closeness of God that is available to us all.  But for others of us, especially those of us on the WGR team, we had to tune our ears to hear God in such radically different surroundings. On home turf, we three, Beth, Laura and myself had grown accustomed to particular ways that God conversed with us. With all that stripped away, we each had to strip away notions and familiarities, even comfort levels to regain our intimacy with Him.

The nature was different. Instead of seeing God in gentle deer in mountainous display, we were beholding elephants in dry, desolate lands. Instead of the usual prayers for God to surprise and supply our needs we faced the complete and utter devastation of poverty and governmental corruption. Were these people praying for God’s provision? Was this His answer? Would He answer us in the middle of such great need? This whole trip, in lots of ways I will explain in coming blogs, caused me to question my compass.

If I prayed it once, I prayed it a thousand times. “Lord I feel like I’m flying blind.”  That is how it felt much of the time I was teaching, counseling, interceding.  They had so much heartbreaking need, I had so little understanding of what to offer. But God kept whispering, “I’ve got you. Just keep going.”

Then the kisses began to fall. He began to speak to us in our language, 6000 miles away from home. For me it was hearts and butterflies. Lots of butteflies, even white ones. For Laura it was rainbows. And Beth, well she has a whole new story to tell about rain and spiritual downpours. All these little love notes were out of season and unusual occurrences for the region. But not at all unusual for Our God who knew how very much we each needed to hear from Him,  to be reassured of His presence.  You know it sounds funny, but God lives in Africa too.

What you may not know is, He’s also quite the show-off for out of town guests. Seriously, it is one thing to hear from God when life is going pretty well. It is a whole other matter when you are way out of your comfort zone in every way. I am so glad we have the “God who speaks and He lives.” I am so glad He came looking for us.

Returned and Released!

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Well friends, I am back and I am fired up!!

It is no accident that the movie “Invictus” was playing on the plane as we traveled to and from Zimbabwe. It is the compelling story of Nelson Mandela’s courageous quest for national healing. Mandela’s uncanny vision was to inspire their underdog rugby team to win the World Cup that was being held in their home country of South Africa. It was a gamble for unifying blacks and whites that paid off.

Of course, the soccer World Cup in South Africa is happening at the same this movie has been released and we are traveling through. No accident at all.

In the film, Mandela asks these questions:
How do we get people to be better than they think they can be?
How do we inspire greatness when nothing less will do?
How do inspire everyone around us?

He concludes, “In order to build our nation we must all exceed our own expectations.”

I have much to say about what I saw and did. Thank you for your amazing prayer support. We could tangibly feel your loving arms. But I want to re-enter the conversation by saying to build this Kingdom, “we must all exceed our own expectations.”

The word Invictus means Unconquered. I love that. I need that. So do you. When we face our own personal stories, our national struggles, and the international issues that plague our world, we need to know that “in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” Romans 8:37

Roll up your sleeves. Get on your knees. There is holy building to be done. We dare not waste another moment in a foggy stupor of fear and indecision. We dare not continue to live little lives distracted by the needs God has already promised to meet.

Now more than ever, I am myself convinced that the world needs you. It needs me. It needs “Christ in us, the hope of glory.”

INVICTUS

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul.

~ by William Ernest Henley; 1849-1903 ~

A Glorious Name

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All throughout the Bible, God names people, and God changes people’s names. Abram to Abraham, Jacob to Israel, Sari to Sarah, John the Baptist, Gomer’s children, even the names given to Jesus. Good or bad. Rachel on her deathbed named her newborn, Ben-Oni, son of my trouble. Thankfully, dad stepped in and named him Benjamin, son of my right hand. What a difference a name makes.

So the Lord loves names. Why? Because God uses names to describe and explain himself. Names are forms of identification. What’s in a name? Everything when you are talking about God.

So, when my friend John Dee prayed over us a blessing that the power of God be revealed and that there be a release of gifts, and new names, I was intrigued and a little clueless.

After the prayer I asked John, “what is that? A new name?”

And in true John Dee fashion, he told me to go to Jesus and the Word and see what I found. I started digging in Scripture and it is very frequent. In fact, commonplace. It is everywhere. I will name you, I will call you. And there is specific Scripture about God giving us new names. Lots of Scripture. Here is one:

“You will be called by a new name that the mouth of the Lord will bestow.” Isaiah 62:2

So I asked Him to tell me my name. I knew how important it was to me for my children. I am His child, so it stands to reason my name is important to Him. So I asked. Simple as that. Then I waited.

And the day it came, I just sat there. This is a little too close to my heart for public consumption. But I want to tell you how amazing it is when the Living God gives you a name. In true fashion for me, I didn’t believe I had heard Him right.

I asked Him to tell me again so I could be sure it was Him. The Lord was really good about it. He did. Over and over.

Guess what? The Lord does not stutter.

Now a couple of years have passed and I have watched the Lord reveal himself in amazing ways through a given name. People are always dumbfounded. Here are some names the Lord has given in lots of different ways to people I know personally.

Sought After, Butterfly, Faithful, Doxa, Repairer of Broken Walls, Sunshine, Pearl.

These are all real people with real encounters with a Real God.

Every one of these people scratched their head and said, Huh? Me? But the Lord used the name to drive deep truth down in their soul. If I told you these names were given to people who struggled with being victims of child abuse, infidelity, promiscuity, rejection, worthlessness, would you be able to connect the dots? All they could see was pain and struggle and hurt. And then God says, “Wait just a minute. This is who I see. This is who you really are.”

It brings the promises of God to a whole new level. “The one who calls you is faithful. He will do it.”

Now what does this have to do with my glory, your glory?

We are settling for crumbs when we can have a feast. God is offering us a lot more than we are taking. We are settling for churchianity instead of intimacy. We are settling for stereotypes in and out of the church instead of being defined by the Creator. We are bickering over roles when God is calling us to be warriors for the Kingdom of God.

I am my Beloved’s and His desire is toward me.

I am my Beloved’s and He is mine.

I know who I am and whose I am and He is fully taken with me. He is the Beholder. He is the Author, the Finisher. He is the only one who matters. He is my all in all. He is the Lover that I have always longed for. He is the Source. He is the Redeemer.

In my language He is the Curse Breaker.

He is my satisfaction so that out of this overflow, my relationship to everyone else is changed. My marriage is different because Jesus has my heart. My parenting is different because Jesus has my heart. Everything flows from His source, instead of me trying to scramble around to grab some affirmation here and approval there, definition here and fighting for this or that.

And in an unusual God-like way, this knowledge helped me to be more of a woman. I stepped off the False Woman spectrum. No more bouncing between the Trophy and Invisible Woman. I am free to express my glory, my womanhood without all the fear of rejection.

I can trust the Lord to lead and define and defend me. He said, His gifts and callings are irrevocable. I believe Him.

Understanding God’s glory in me has changed my whole perspective about everything, everyone.

I told a room of 20-something year old women that it feels like Jesus has washed my face; He has carefully but intently scrubbed off the lies and heartache and rejection caked on my face, and then rinsed it with His living water, and with my face cupped gently in His hands, He smiles and whispers, “Oh, there you are.”

Excerpt taken from Unhindered, Chapter 50

Let’s Get Real Here:

How do you think your thoughts about you would change if you heard what the Lord God Almighty called you? Why don’t ask Him? What’s your new name?

Ash Work

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Part of the power of this story, is the woman’s willingness to claim her sin and then her willingness to lay it at His feet. Before there can be beauty for ashes, there has to be the ash work.

Wait a minute. Ashes?  Girl — I’ve got ashes.

We say as women, “Listen, I’ve already got ashes, I have burned every bridge, scorched every relationship, singed every dream. I got ashes.”

But this is a little different. You have to put a name to the ashes.

Name the attempts: controlling, neglecting, hiding.

Name the false gods: food, sex, clothes, rejection, religion, pride, beauty, relationships.

Name the hurts and disappointments: parents, girlfriends, work, weight, the man, dreams.

Then set them on fire. Burn them thoroughly until they are ashes. Burned up. Not recognizable. Burned up ambition. Burned up pride, burned up beauty, burned up self.

Once that is a pile of dust at your feet, then it becomes the alabaster box. Because there is nothing left but the pure nard, or fragrant oil. All that is left is a broken and contrite spirit. What an aroma. It is death to those who are perishing, those in the room with Jesus, but to those who are alive, it is the aroma of Christ. (2 Corinthians 2:15)

True worship smells like this.

Excerpt taken from Unhindered, Chapter 48

Let’s Get Real Here:

 What’s in your ash heap? Are you willing to take the time and pain to do the ash work in order to get to the aroma?

Hoarding Boxes

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I was taking inventory of my own alabaster boxes. There were boxes that held my dreams, gifts, love, service, time, my passions, even a box that is about caring for myself. And I noticed there are boxes I try to hide from the Lord (my dreams and passions), the ones from which I don’t pour out everything but only what I think is enough (my love and service), and the ones that I put on the shelf to use “later” (my gifts and caring for myself).

I didn’t really view myself as an abandoned woman…

A mighty conversation began with the Lord.

I was calling out to Him, telling Him how I want to pour out, how I want to be filled up to overflowing so that He will spill out on those around me, how I want to take care of the little flock He had given. All these emotions and prayers poured out of my heart. My ardent prayer ended with one rush of words “Lord I want to make a difference.”

And His reply was deafening.

 I want to make you different.

I was stopped in my tracks. I heard the two comments. One was laborious, one was freeing. When I try to make a difference then the effort is up to me, on my shoulders. But when it is Jesus making me different the journey is totally other, totally Him.

God making me different is a God thing. And as He makes me different, all the other desires, hopes, and goals will play out for His glory. His glory life in me makes all the difference. What better evangelical tool is there than a person is who radically different because of the presence of Jesus Christ? What can be a more powerful story than a life that has been changed? Look at the woman at Jesus’s feet.

Was the woman changed? Jesus said, “Your sins are forgiven, go in peace.” This isn’t just peace like, “Have a Coke and a smile.” This is complete restoration, total healing, the broken made whole.

“But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever‑increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” (II Corinthians 3:16-18)

I love this. We turn to Him. He transforms us. Glory to glory.

Excerpt taken from Unhindered, Chapter 47

Let’s Get Real Here:

How’s your inventory? Looking at your life, who do you believe (act on, live like) is responsible for your transformation?

The Alabaster Box

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“What, then, is the secret?” Watchman Nee asks about worship as seen by the woman who anointed Jesus with oil.

 Clearly it is this, that in approving Mary’s action at Bethany, the Lord Jesus was laying down one thing as a basis of all service: that you pour out all you have, your very self, unto Him; and if that should be all He allows you to do, that is enough. It is not first of all a question of whether ‘the poor’ have been helped or not. The first question is: Has the Lord been satisfied?

Watchman Nee, The Normal Christian Life, p.274

You may be familiar with the story from Luke about the sinful woman who came and anointed Jesus not only with perfume but with her tears. I want you to imagine the scene.

Here is an empty chair.

The rest of the room is filled with people. Sitting in a circle, gathered in two and threes. It is humming with multiple conversations. Jesus enters the scene. He is escorted by the homeowner to the empty seat. The conversational buzz is suspended for a moment as Jesus takes a seat and then all greet him. Conversations resume. Imagine the homeowner puffed and grinning at his renowned guest. Jesus is in his house no less.

But then another guest steals in quietly. Without invitation and without notice of anyone save Jesus.

Jesus is immediately aware of her. She is at His feet weeping silently. Her hot tears touch His feet like tender words of thanks and praise. She wipes them with her hair.

The homeowner seeing that he has lost the attention of Jesus, looks for the distraction. Seeing the harlot, he starts toward the woman to grab her up and pull her away… What is such filth doing in my home, he mentally protests. But Jesus waves him off before the homeowner gets to her.

Then the woman rises, eyes still down, she goes behind Jesus and pauses. The homeowner’s shoulders relax in relief. Is she leaving? he hopes, thinking that the little interruption is over. But then he draws in a breath. What was she doing now?

Tears still slide silently down her face. She raises her hands over Jesus’ head. In her shaking grasp is a small white jar. An alabaster flask. Before the homeowner could refuse, she uncorks the top and a pours a soft slow trickle of oil over Jesus’ head. It pools in His dark hair and then overflows down His neck. Over His brow, down His cheeks. Over His closed eyes. The oil slides down His neck, and soaks dark in His cloak. He lets out a soft slow sigh.

It is the aroma that silenced the room.

They stood speechless as the woman poured the entire flask on Jesus’ head. She held it upside down, so that every drop was emptied.

The whispers began. Most missed the smile of contentment that played on Jesus’ lips.

Immediately they tittered over the woman that had again taken her place at Jesus feet. They talked of her reputation. They all knew who she was and what she had done. They talked of the ridiculous cost. How on earth did she of all people get such fine perfume? They talked of her audacity. They talked of her inappropriate showiness. How dare her after all? Didn’t she know who He was?

Yes she did. Precisely.

Do you?

What does Jesus have to to say about all this? That she will be remembered. That she has done a beautiful thing. That her act of love — those who have been forgiven much, love much — her act of love blessed Jesus.

He noticed her heart. Her sacrifice, her abandon. But more than merely noticing, Jesus appreciated it, enjoyed it, loved it, was impacted by it. Her loving action affected God.

Jesus was satisfied.

Excerpt taken from Unhindered, Chapter 47

Let’s Get Real Here:

As you walk through this scene in your mind’s eye, where are you in the room? Are you the homeowner, just glad Jesus is in the house, but not really welcoming or enjoying Him? It’s all for show.

Are you one of the invited guests, there to see and be seen? Are you one that is evaluating, critiquing, scoffing at the open display from the sinful woman? Does her affection make you feel jealous? Do you feel like you are on the outside looking in? Perhaps indignant? Or are you confused at what it is going on here? Does this seem outrageous, uncalled for, even…wasteful?

Are you the woman? So utterly aware of who you are and so desperately wanting to be someone else? So utterly bankrupt— physically, emotionally, spiritually — that to be seen publicly weeping is of little matter compared to the hope of His healing?

Is your need so great that you would risk everything just to show Him, somehow, that you believe He is who He says He is?

Is your love so great that you will give all you have— dreams, hopes, money, talents, reputation, beauty, everything— in a frail container to be poured out on Him for His pleasure, His enjoyment?

Deep Calls to Deep

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I stood at the ocean and I felt what I do every time, at every ocean—Awe.

With my toes curled in the sand on the shore I felt as I always do at first. Small. I looked at the sand. So white.

The Lord reminded me of the verse—More than the grains of sand, so My thoughts are of you.

“No way, Lord.”

We continued the ocean lesson.

Look closely. What do you see?

There is life in the ocean, life I cannot see. There is power, deep power. The ocean is different every time I walk up to it. Every morning, it is different. The ocean is more than I can imagine. It goes on beyond what I can see. It refreshes me. It inspires me. It causes me to dream again. It calls to me….

“You are Lord. You are.” I whispered, simply amazed by Him.

I went back out at dusk and a storm was brewing out on the horizon. You couldn’t see the clouds but you could see it on the water. It was rough, wild and restless. I stepped in the warm evening water and immediately could feel the pull; the current was strong and relentless.

This is how I am Jana. I come to you. Over and over. I call to you to come in. Put one little toe in and I pull you in. I take you deeper. Then bring you back to shore. But not without changing you, tumbling you around, making you a little scared and then popping you back up to the surface just in time. Even when you play at the shore, it just makes you hungry for more.

I looked out at the expanse of the ocean. The dawning awareness that this magnificent creation is but a thimble full compared to my God.

“What is it like out there Lord? What is it like farther out there?”

My eye strained to see every crest, looking for a dolphin. But as I peered out looking for one thing, a stingray flew happily out of the water, arching in time for a moment before it plunged back into its own world.

“Lord I strain to see one thing, and You freely give another,” I whispered.

There is life out there. Abundant life.

Excerpt from Unhindered, Chapter 45

Let’s Get Real Here:

Do you believe God has more for you? What are you longing for? Straining for? What is He showing you?

The More of Worship

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My worship journey peaked at an unusual place called Splash Country. It is a Dolly Parton entertainment park where the entire place, huge place, is water-related activities. Thus the name, Splash Country. I went there with my then-seven-year-old daughter Salem.

Normally at a place like this, there are the watchers and the doers. But today, everyone came to play, regardless of size or shape, pasty white or bottle bronzed, cool bathing suit or out-dated reruns, we all played in the water, played in the fountains, down the slides, floated down the lazy river, and huddled under the Giant bucket, which was my personal favorite.

I realized that I had joined them in the child-like excitement. But more importantly I realized I was good with me. I came to play with my daughter. And life was very good.

Thanks, Lord.

But then we came to the wave pool.

Now, I know that we are all made in the image of God. I am so good with that. But standing around, waiting for “something,” with a bunch of wet, half-naked young and old people standing too, too close was not so good.

I mean really…there were a lot of hairy men. Really hairy. Really awkward. It is was cramped and everyone is trying not to touch anyone…whew. Get the picture?

Then from over the speaker you hear this beep— beep— beep. Everyone chattered in an odd sense of anticipation and the waves begin. The water slowly rippled but then grew in momentum. It moved up and down creating waves. Up and down. Up and down. Up and down, very predictable. Up and down, very heartless. Up and down, even the kids grew bored. Up and down. Then the water went flat.

No waves. No laughter. No expectation. What do you have left? Everyone standing around cramped, wet and half-naked, trying not to touch each other —waiting.

So I take all this in and think maybe, just maybe it was a bad run at the wave pool. We hang around to see if next time is better, as if next time it would be different. It wasn’t. Not that time or the next four times. Only the bodies changed out.

 They weren’t changed, they just changed out, meandered off in hopes of a little excitement.

 As I stood on the wave pool edge (you could hardly call the sloped concrete a “shore”), I watched the waves go up and down in a powerless, passionless rhythm and everyone jumping on cue with feigned excitement.

Then the Lord said, This is like worship.

I kept watching. “How so?” I asked.

 It is empty.

“Why doesn’t this work, Lord? It seems like a good idea. The fun of the ocean without salt, without the sand.”

Because there is no awe.

Let’s break this down. Just like a wave pool where you can jump in waves with no ocean, you can worship without a GOD to worship. When worship is not fueled by the Spirit of God, driven by desire for God, in awe of God, then it is boring and predictable and empty like the wave pool. It may be fun for a few minutes, then you wander off, ready to do something else. You are not changed by it. You just change activities.

Let’s talk about the ocean. It is always different. You can’t help but feel the huge-ness, it is ever changing, and oh the power. I could go on and on!. The smell, the feel, the taste. It never gets old, you never know what you will get when you go. Every time is different. Much like the presence of the Lord, you experience it, all of it, the feel, the taste, the smell. There is a power and source that comes in waves. But you can’t control these waves. You don’t even know when or how they will come. Only that they will come.

Excerpt taken from Unhindered, Chapter 46

Let’s Get Real Here:

When you think of worship – really – are you standing in a wave pool or at the ocean? If you’re in the wave pool, ask the Lord to give you awe.  If you’re at the ocean, ask Him what He has for the two of you there.

Who Is He Anyway?

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So who is this God who asks us not for something but everything?

He is the God who calls things that are not, as though they were. (Romans 4:17)

He is the Lord who sings over us. (Zephaniah 3:17)

He is the Lord your God who is gracious and compassionate slow to anger and abounding in love. (Exodus 34:6-7)

He is the Spirit who brings beauty from ashes. (Isaiah 61:3)

He is One who holds all things together and by whom all things are made. (Colosians 1:15-17)

He is the God who will repay all the years that the locusts have eaten. (Joel 2:25)

He is the God who gives you His joy so that your joy may be complete. (John 15:11)

He is the God who boasts that “I will satisfy you fully.” (Joel 2:19)

What do you do when the God of the universe says He will satisfy you fully?

You have a couple of options. You can walk away. Or stand there in shock. Or you can drink Him in. You can bank on it. Not out of disrespect. Out of complete trust that if He said it, He means it. Some friends of mine and I have adopted a saying, “I’ve been peithoed,” meaning, I have been persuaded, overcome with evidence, blown away by the truth. Are you willing to be peithoed?

What exactly does peitho mean? The New Thayers Greek-English Lexicon says concerning this word peitho:

persuasion; to induce one by words to believe; to cause belief in a thing (which one sets forth), win one’s favor; to persuade unto; i.e. move or induce someone by persuasion to do something; to suffer one’s self to be persuaded; to be induced to believe; to trust.

God peithoes us every day. He wants to get our attention. He wants us to know Him.

Why? Because all along God has been after relationship, relationship, relationship.

Excerpt taken from Unhindered, Chapter 45

Let’s Get Real Here:

Are you convinced – peithoed – of what God says about Himself? About you?  If not, are you willing to let Him persuade you?