Stop Fighting – by Guest Blogger, Beth Hungerford

This past September I went to the Dominican Republic to visit my friend.  My favorite day of the whole trip was the day we went to a secluded beach to swim in the ocean.  We swam out pretty far from shore and just floated up and down with the waves.

However, these were not small waves and I kept finding myself coughing and spitting out salt water after getting smacked in the face.  I got really tired of this really quickly but I just couldn’t seem to do anything about it.

Then I heard the Lord say quite clearly, “Stop fighting.”

“I’m not fighting I’m just trying not to drown,” I responded getting another mouthful of salt water.

“Stop fighting.”

That’s when I started watching the two local boys that were out there with us.  They had lots of experience swimming out in the waves and I realized they just dove straight into them.   I tried this and found that it was much easier than bracing myself or trying to fight them.

Soon I was tired and started swimming toward shore. If you’ve ever done this, you know that you swim and swim but never really get anywhere because the receding waves pull you right back out.

Again I heard the Lord’s voice, “Stop fighting.”

“I’m not!  I’m just trying to get back to shore.”

My way clearly wasn’t working, so again I watched the local boys and learned that the only way to get back in was to swim hard with the incoming waves, but then you just relax and let the waves pull you back a little, repeating the process until you’re all the way in.  It is slow going but you use way less energy when you let the waves do the work and don’t try to fight against them.

At last I was close enough to stand and I immediately tried to run out of the water before the next wave came to overtake me.  I still hadn’t gotten it.  I didn’t even get three steps toward shore before a giant wave picked me off my feet and slammed me into the ground.

“Stop fighting.”

“I didn’t even know I was!”

What I ended up having to do was let the water bring me all the way up on shore and I mean ALL THE WAY.  The waves were so strong that to stand up even when it was little more than ankle deep you would be caught be the next wave before you could get out and you’d get a not so gentle landing on the rocky shore.

When it was all over, I realized the Lord was trying to get me to completely surrender and let Him do all the work.  I really didn’t have to do anything except listen and respond to His voice.

100% Responsible

Do you ever have those relational upheavals that make you tired? Whether it is your mate,  your family or friends, do you hit one of those emotional oil slicks where everyone goes crashing into each other, and all the parties end up in the relationship hospital?

Sounds likes a lot of drama doesn’t it? But it happens, it really does. You can’t say the right thing, he/she can’t say the right thing, and before you know it, it’s emotional ICU, either Chaos or Ice City. Not pretty.

I am assuming you can connect the dots about why this is my chosen topic. But I am finding out (again!) that the Lord does this for several reasons.

Temperature Check

The Lord lets us bump into each other to see what spills out. It is a temperature check to see how our hearts are really doing. If I blow a gasket over something small, it could be there is a deeper issue.  Just like fever indicates infection, our reactions indicate lack of forgiveness, unresolved hurt, need for grace. Sunday morning, Rick Dunn made this great comment, “When you have a need, it shows that you are not a god, but you need one. Which God will you turn to?”  When I sense I have a relationship fever, what medicine will I seek?  Coping and denial? Or humility and restoration?

Tutoring

Relationship crashes make us better relational drivers. It only takes a couple of fender benders, or a major accident, to make you a more conscious driver. I see in my relationships that I sometimes act like a drunk driver, all over the road, ignoring signs, crashing into guardrails. I am DUI, driving under the influence of something other than the Holy Spirit. Being selfish, hard hearted, determined to be right, lacking boundaries, all of these are sure to deter my (and your) ability to properly handle a relationship. Just like the road, our relationships need yellow lines, no passing zones, and concrete dividers.  For our good and the good of others. God uses these moments to teach us how to define and defend boundaries.

Tenderize

Finally, these pile ups help to tenderize our hearts, drawing them back to God.  When we see the messes we have made, we go back to the Relationship Expert. We tap into His love, His mercy, His DESIRE for us to walk in health. He stirs a desire that we be rightly connected to Him and to others. He does that. And then He begins to create change by revealing truth, again and again. Truth: I can only change ME, rather than trying to change another person. It is in this posture before His unfailing love, that He tells me I am 100% responsible for me. Truth: I am 100% responsible for my behavior, attitudes and heart. I can’t change or fix another person. They can’t change or fix me.  But the flip side is, I can change with the Holy Spirit’s help, how I react and relate, even how I love someone else.  Even in this, loving someone, God is the source. Truth: He is 100% responsible to transform you and I into the ways of Christ. He will complete the good work He began in us.

“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.” 1 John 4:7

I Hate Object Lessons

So I am teaching a marriage retreat this weekend. And if that isn’t scary enough, I got in a huge fight with Chuck this past weekend.  Here is what happened.

We are preparing for Charis’ birthday party Saturday morning. Yes, I said six little girls in their favorite dress up costumes complete with those loud clacking plastic dress up shoes. Did I mention that I have wood floors? And cathedral ceilings? Did I also mention that in some insane moment I purchased those roll out blowers as favors? You know the ones – they coil up into a mouthpiece. You blow into the mouthpiece and the coil rolls out and honks like a duck.

Yeah. Multiply that times 6 and add clacking heels.

Anyway, before all this drama, we were blitzing the house. (I have to say I love how Chuck and I work together. But hold on for the rest of the story.)

Charis was understandably excited and didn’t want to clean her room. So I threw out some merry little quip about “a cheerful heart doeth good like medicine.”  Choose to work with a good attitude, I said.  And we continued our blitz.

But somewhere over the morning, I lost my own cheerful heart.  I was stressing out, there was too much to do, and if I am painfully honest, Chuck wasn’t doing it the way I wanted it done.

I began IMploding first. Do you know what I mean by this? Grumbling and swearing, complaining and whining, all silently – but internally boiling. Then I began EXploding. Lots of me-centered comments. I have to, I don’t have, I want, I need… And on top of that, I began excusing myself  about why I was exploding. “I just need to vent and get this out,” I explained loudly. (Read: yelling). Was that supposed to somehow justify my behavior?

Deep in my spirit, I heard the words I had said to Charis. A cheerful heart, Jana, is like medicine.  But I sent that medicine flying. I didn’t want to get well. I wanted to be mad.

Standing at the sink, fuming, I made an attempt to get a hold of myself. I bit the bullet and went back to Chuck. My apology was lame, lame, lame. “I know that I am wrong, and I know that God is going to convict me sooner or later, so I am just getting this over with now and apologizing,” I snapped and went back to my chores.  I don’t  know what I thought that was going to accomplish, because my heart was still boiling.

In response, Chuck  put on a worship CD and before I could complain, I heard the words to the song that randomly came on:

“Praise God from who all blessings flow.
Praise Him all creatures here below.
Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts.
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost. Amen.”

“Will you praise Me for your blessings, Jana?”

“Yes, Lord,” I said begrudgingly, “but You have to change my heart to do it.”

Charis came into the room and said, “Mama, why are you being so grumpy?”

“Mama is having a bad day; we all have bad days don’t we? Well today is Mama’s day,” I said. I had just excused myself AGAIN.  And that was it. The conviction fell. The Spirit said, “No, it’s not a bad day. It’s sin. At least call it what it is.”

I went and found Charis and cupped her little face in my hands. “Mama is not having a bad day. I have sin in my heart. Will you forgive me?”

Same drill for Chuck minus the cupped face. They were both happy to forgive because none of us wanted to waste our day and hearts like that.

And it’s so funny, the rest of the day turned around. Everything got done. Everyone, even me, enjoyed the party.

It is no wonder that the Bible says, “God gives grace to the humble, but opposes the proud.” Did you hear that?  I can either have His help, or He’ll love me enough
to fight against me. He’s that determined to have my heart. Hmmm. That would be a no brainer.

“God, thank You for your unconditional love, even when I screw up royally. Thank You that it is You that causes me to want to humble myself. Thank You for Your loving grace. Amen.”

Warrior 101

I had two different questions last week that had almost the exact same answer. One was from a friend who is experiencing a downpour from the Lord, but identified some fear lurking in the shadows. You know, the “other shoe is about to fall”  fear that the devil loves to torment us with? I hate that.  It can be paralyzing. She asked how to prepare. Was there some class in “Warrior 101?”

As an aside, what if the other shoe did fall?  Is God not the Author of that as well?  Is He not strong enough?

But the other question came from a person who is dealing with a severe illness in his family. He asked what to do. But the answer that flowed out to both of them had more to do with a Who than a What.  Here is my response as related to when my youngest daughter was critically ill for 4 years. I will fill you in on details later.

“I know how tough these days must be.  I have really had to process with the Lord how to respond to you. I learned so much about the Lord, and from the Lord, during this very hard season.

I don’t think I have actually taken the time to write the story out. So I will try to highlight the take aways from that season.

1) God alone is sovereign.  We tend to dismiss things in life: money, health, relationships, circumstances. But He holds all things together, and in Him we move and have our being. This sickness brought that reality home in a whole new way. God had the RIGHT to do whatever He wanted, and would STILL be acknowledged as Good. But also because He is sovereign, He is always working on our behalf.  He is not a distant God; but right here, right now. One of the many intercessors during this season had this word from the Lord for us, and for Charis:  “God is not doing something TO you, he is depositing something IN you.” This journey with Him would be a foundational piece of our story and HER story. That brought us great courage.

God doesn’t waste anything.

2) The doctors are not greater than God. I had to learn to listen to what GOD said rather than what they said.  They were “practicing” medicine. He was the Healer.  Many times they gave her meds for her detriment. Literally.  God would instruct what to listen to and what to ignore. Also, when the Lord told me that He was going to heal Charis, the doctors scoffed.  Literally.  I had to decide who I would stand on. God or man.  It is a tough, tough road.

Clearly, God was right. The docs had her diagnosed as lifelong meds, allergies and food restrictions. Today she walks in restored health.

3) The body is connected to the spirit.  “Confess your sins to one another that you may be healed,” James says. Chuck and I did much inventory of our lives to remove any “authority” we had given the evil one to torment us and Charis. We believe God broke strongholds during this season. I would pray for the home and marriage. That was a root issue in our case, and perhaps yours.

4) I learned how to pray in earnest. I learned out of desperation how to sing songs of deliverance, to bang on the doors of heaven for healing. I grew faith like never before to believe in the God who loved me and my daughter, even when the circumstances did not align with His voice. I was in the Word often, asking for guidance and leading.

5) I began to expect the supernatural. Before this, I heard about it, thought about it, sort of wished for it. Now I HAD to have it. She had to have it. We and the community around us have a stronger testimony that Our God Saves because of what we have seen and heard.

6) I learned to let go. Living with death as a real possibility at times, taught me more than I can write. I became a more grateful person.

7) This is an invitation to intimacy.  It is one thing to know OF God. It is radically different to KNOW Him.  I became firmly convinced that every single thing in our lives, good or bad, is His call to see Him in the middle of it. He wants to walk with us, and will do whatever it takes to get our attention. Whatever it takes. And believe me, He got our attention. Still I can tell you, I wouldn’t trade this season for anything. I am forever changed.

May the Lord Himself be your Comfort, Healer and Strength.”

Faced with God

Monday, I got to redeem a really great birthday gift.  It was 45 minutes in a Detox Sauna and a deep cleansing facial.

Now hold on, because if you know me at all, you know that either one of these events is a real stretch. To get me to sit still anywhere for 45 minutes is a wonder, let alone sit still and sweat. But then to go immediately to lay down and have someone else rub goop on my face verges on the miraculous.

But I confess…it was wonderful.

(For those of you who are jealous, you can schedule your own mini-retreat at Seasons of Farragut Wellness Clinic. 675-9355)

And it was wonderful for the craziest of reasons. I had time to sit in the presence of the Lord. I had time to invest in myself. And I had time to take stock of how my heart is doing with the skin I am in.

Just how is the beauty journey going for me? And you?

I don’t know about you, but if I am paying attention to what I eat, and working out, and taking time to dress, then I like myself pretty well.  But if I have been out of Jazzercise for a couple of months, enjoying the holiday treats a little too much, and not “dolling up” unless absolutely necessary, then I catch myself saying pretty toxic things to me, about me.   (Do you hear that performance train rumbling down the tracks?)  But after spending nearly an hour with God, that detox sauna did more than rid my body of harmful toxins; that time flushed my heart as well.

So when I go to do the facial, the woman asked, “What are areas you don’t like about your face?”  I was silent as I was stunned a little. Then I almost laughed out loud because what I heard in my head was God saying, “I like your face, it looks like Me.”

I simply responded, “You know, I am good with my face. I really am.”  And I really was.

Gee, that detox idea is pretty potent. You should try it. With or without the sweat.

A Funny Ah Haaaaaa. . .

Okay, I have the WGR info meeting tonight and just have a minute to write.

(Not too late to check it out…7-8:30 Cedar Springs Bookstore)

But I had a hilarious holy “Ohhhhh” moment with the Lord. It goes like this.

On Monday morning, I told my friend Kate that the Lord was really challenging me. The more He revealed what He was up to this year, the less He wanted me to “do.”  He was calling forth these crazy adventures like Zimbabwe, India, many hands in WGR, a worship CD, and more. But the more I would attack my to do list, the more He would call me to prayer.  Deep prayer. Extended prayer.

Only I wasn’t going.
The math wasn’t adding up.

In my spirit, I knew He was right. The prayer WAS the Greater work. God’s kingdom is advanced by spending time in the “bedroom chamber” with our Lover.

But in my head I was fighting.  I had things to DO… durnnit.  So we parted that morning, with a playful laugh.  Kate agreed to pray for me that I would come to agree with God and do it His way. (Which is really what I want, even if I don’t do it.)

One hour later, I am laughing for real.  Without connecting the topic of our conversation, our prayers, or the Lord’s skillful hand, guess where I spent the next hour?

In a sauna. I was sweating my arse off, but I listened to worship music and just drank deeply of the affections of the One and Only.

Later that day I realized He had hemmed me. Deep prayer.  Kingdom work.  One of the best hours of my life.

“Ohhhhh, that’s what  you meant. Thank you Jesus.”

Sharing Your Strength – Part 2

Yesterday  I told you about the Shared Strength of Salem to help Charis get down the hill sledding (see link). It is a beautiful story. And I explained how the beauty of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit rang out loud and clear in the picture of the girls working together.

But while my family was having a fun snow adventure, I was away on a planning retreat. And instead of sliding down snow covered hills, I sat in a Walmart parking lot with a dead battery.  Did I mention that is was freezing?  Or that I had come out on a “quick errand” and had on sandals in 23 degree weather?

While I was sitting in my car, I asked the Lord why this was happening when we were trying to accomplish so much. “This is such a huge distraction,” I told my friend Lyschel, who was with me.  But then a completely gracious guy from Walmart came to help, and I started seeing a different picture.

When you turned the key all the lights came on and even the radio. But no engine starting.

(How many of us are like that? Lights on but no ability to move.)

So he hooked up a battery pack. No go. Not enough power. Then he got his pickup truck and we hooked up jumper cables to his running vehicle. As I saw him attach red to red, back to black, I thought about how he was giving his power to me. (See it coming?) He was sharing his strength with me. But although we still had lights on, there was not enough juice to turn the engine over. Go figure.

(Do you ever think you are doing all the right things, but still not getting the results you want or in this case, desperately need?)

Despite the God word picture, I was beginning to get really frustrated, so I called on the big guns. I called Chuck.  His instructions were crazy. “You two walk to the nearest restaurant and I will take it from here,” he said.

“Don’t you need me to stay with the jeep? Or help  you?” I asked.

“No, stay on track. Don’t get distracted, stay on course with your meeting and your plans. I will get it fixed.” He was so my hero.

Without belaboring the point, here is the rest of the story.  We didn’t need a new a battery. The battery had to be taken out and charged for 30 minutes and then replaced. It started the engine like a charm.  In the meantime, we finished a very productive meeting and were back on the road to our retreat center. Not our original plan, but a good result nonetheless.

Here are my takeaways from this funny little God exercise. As Christians, we don’t need a new hearts. We need time to stop and recharge. Sometimes we have to tap into strength outside ourselves, but the strength has to be great enough to get the job done. You may need a book, a friend, or a personal retreat. But when you are really dead, it takes a much greater power to replenish your needs. That would be dedicated time with The Power Source. Almighty is His name.

One of the hardest lessons was asking for help. Sometimes you have to let someone else do the fixing. You carry on with what you have been told, even if it is outside your plan. You keep going but you trust that God is working, even when your hands aren’t on it.  “Nothing thwarts the plans of God,” declared Job. God is our ever present help in time of need.

Just now Itunes is playing a song by Chris Tomlin:

All of You
is more than enough for
all of me
for every thirst and
every need
You satisfy me
with your love
and all I have in you
is more than enough

Sharing Your Strength – Part 1

Imagine this.  A real honest to goodness snow day  in Knoxville.  (Granted our snow days consist of 2 inches or less…but the ground WAS white.) Now imagine two little girls with Dad, a sled and a big hill.  God is so crazy in how He shows up and shows off.

Chuck had often told the girls that when there was enough snow, he would take them to Lakeshore Park and slide down the big hills. With me out of town, it was the perfect day. So off they went, bundled and mittened, sled in hand. Salem went flying down the hill first, screaming. Chuck went flying too. Little Charis would hop on and ride with one of them and even though it was freezing they had a blast. But Charis just couldn’t bring herself to go solo.

“Charis, do want to go on your own?” Chuck asked.

“Yes,” she said almost paralyzed, as she looked down the hill, with sled string tight in her hand. Chuck could tell it took everything in her to even consider it this notion.

“I believe in you, baby. You can do it. You’ll be fine. Worst case is, you’ll wipe out, and it will just be like rolling over in the snow.  Now, go on.” Dad was trying to build, encourage, or whatever it would take to motivate her to action. It didn’t connect for Charis. She walked to the sled. Put a foot out to get on, pulled it back. Thought about it, moved toward it again, and walked away. The whole time Chuck was showering, “You’ll be fine, you can do it, go for it,” etc.

It was high hill. And it was a long way for a little girl. Chuck encouraged and coached her. But no go. Finally time was running out, she had to either jump on alone or go home. Charis really wanted to go on her own, and both Salem and Chuck wanted that for her too. Still no go. Here is where the story turns.

Big sister Salem says, “Hey Charis, how about you sled and I’ll run down the hill beside you?  I’ll be right there with you.”

That did it. Charis jumped on. Off they went, Charis screaming all the way down the hill, part glee, part terrified, and Salem running full bore to stay with her. It was beautiful.

In the car, later, Chuck said to the girls, “Salem, what you did was so amazing. You shared your strength, so she could do it. Charis, you totally did it on your own, and that was awesome, but Salem shared her strength so you could see that you were strong, that you could do it.”

When we all reunited and Chuck told me this great story, it rumbled way down in my heart. Shared strength.

And I realized this is a great picture of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. This is a picture of the way “They” lovingly interact and share Their strength with us.  He is our loving Father, coaching and encouraging us,  believing we can do more than we see.

But He is also the Son who knows our weakness and runs along side us in the journey,  even the big hills. His presence gives us the example, even though running down a hill is not nearly as fun as sledding. Even though carrying a cross is not nearly as fun as the resurrected life…

But then, the Holy Spirit is the one getting us in the sled. He is the one completing the instruction of the Father and example of the Son in us. He gives courage in action as we are going. Beautiful. Simply beautiful He is.

Thank you Lord for Your shared strength. Help us to follow Your example, and run down the big hills with others. Amen.

So Take A Step. . .

“Nothing is impossible with You
Nothing is impossible.
Nothing is impossible with You,
You hold my world in your hand.

I believe that you’re my healer,
I believe you’re my everything
Jesus you’re all I need.”

This song, Healer by Kari Jobe, is what the Lord woke me up with this morning. I love that. I love Him. I love that I can be running around inside my own head screaming, or sitting in a corner sucking my thumb (figuratively, of course) and He cares enough to encourage and soothe and inspire me.

I don’t know if you have seen the movie, The Count of Monte Cristo (2002), but among many great quotes is one made by the dying priest. They are both serving life imprisonments and nearing completion of an escape tunnel. After a mortal wounding, the priest bequeaths his hidden fortune to Dantes. The pious priest instructs the wrongly imprisoned Edmond Dantes to not waste his pending freedom by committing the crimes he was unjustly serving time for. Bent on revenge, Dantes says he will surely do that very thing.

The priest says to Dantes, “Here is your final lesson – do not commit the crime for which you now serve the sentence. God said, ‘Vengeance is mine’.”

Dantes retorts, ” I don’t believe in God.”

“It doesn’t matter. He believes in you,” the priest said.

Why would God believe in us? Why would He go to such lengths to strengthen and spur us on to good works? There are obvious world needs that demand intervention. But on a more personal level, I think it is a multi-layer answer. When you or I hear His still small voice and respond, He is delighted that we recognize Him.  When you or I recognize Him and attempt something beyond our little world, He is delighted that we acknowledge His power, His presence, His glory. When we acknowledge Him, we see Him more fully, and thus we see us more fully. He wins. We win.

Just now I am reminded of Psalm 147: 10-11

His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of a man;the LORD delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.

We hope in Him, we trust, depend, expect, desire, stretch, wrestle, and decide on Him.  How can you love that which is never known?  How can you trust that which is never tested? And how can you grow faith if it is never required?

All this to say, we are sending in our $100 deposits for two seats to Zimbabwe. Nothing is impossible with You.