Author: Jana

Christmas Musings

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I love the dictionary. And I love how things don’t necessarily mean what I think they mean. So I had to look up the word “ponder.” It means to weigh heavily, to meditate, to soak or saturate your thoughts. Do you remember that Mary “pondered these things in her heart” ? She let the truths, thoughts, and realities permeate her being, her inner core. Her ponderings changed the way she viewed God, herself, and her circumstances.

So I thought I would offer some Christmas questions for you to ponder:

When the angel called Mary to the unbelievable task of carrying Jesus, he told her not to be afraid. He knew the magnitude of the calling and that she was overwhelmed with fear. He didn’t shame her, only comforted her.

1) What has God called you to and in what places are you afraid?
2) Are you willing to let God comfort you in these places?

After Gabriel foretold her future, he also told Mary that Elizabeth would have a baby, even in her old age. This is an incredible gift given to reassure Mary. There is a line out of the movie, “The Nativity” where Mary whispers a prayer: “Please Lord, let Elizabeth be with child.” One miracle confirmed the coming miracle. The birth of John the Baptist preceded the coming Messiah. The Lord didn’t have to time it that way. But He was paving the way for His work to be fulfilled. He wanted Mary to walk in confidence, even in the midst of the unknown.

4) Has the Lord sent you confirmation in your calling?
5) Have you pondered the small events, words, actions that seem to reassure you of the things to come?

Joseph is a mighty character in this story. Mary by all rights should have been stoned to death with Joseph throwing the first rock. But God’s intervention changed his mind. Joseph was wiling to take a radically different course of action because he believed what the angel had spoken in a dream.

6) Are you set on a course of action that goes counter to God’s calling?
7) Are you willing to listen to the small, still voice that whispers a completely different route than you          expected?

Don’t miss the power of the Christmas story. Instead of dismissing the familiar, ponder the deep workings of God. Let your mind reflect on all the characters and pieces of this event that changed history, the real flesh and blood human actions and reactions. Your heart will be awakened to the might and beauty of God in a new way. And then, lay these truths over your own story. After all, He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

Seth’s Blog: 8 Questions and a Why

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I like the way Seth Godin thinks out of the box. Now I can’t go all the way with him. In fact, Jesus is the only person I can go all the way with all the time. But these are just good questions. Good as in, get in your craw and unsettle you. I like questions like that. And if you want to really be bold…Go answer the questions. I am.

Jana

8 Questions and a Why

Who are you trying to please?

What are you promising?

How much money are you trying to make?

How much freedom are you willing to trade for opportunity?

What are you trying to change?

What do you want people to say about you?

Which people?

Do we care about you?

(and after each answer, ask ‘why?’)

Thoughts to Ponder

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I have been pondering the daily of living.  About how we get sucked dry, sucked into drama, suckered by distractions instead of Living full out in our strengths.  My favorite Bible teacher, John Dee, calls it reality with a little “r”, as opposed to God Reality with a big “R.”  He says that the Big R is much more real than the little r.  So I want to be conscious of that and press into God Reality without getting stopped by the daily junk. But how do we do that?

If we are not careful, we will become like hamsters on wheels trying to figure out how to do life full out and still get laundry done. (Can I get an “Amen, Sister”?)

Still there is a focused living that Jesus did so beautifully.  He knew what He was about. Um, that would be saving the world. Yet He was so connected to His Father, so empowered by the Holy Spirit, He didn’t have to freak out in the day to day. And when He got tired, He “withdrew to a solitary place to pray.”

Even as I write this, I know that is what I need.  Time with God.  Nothing will bring more big R Reality to my life that time in His presence. How about you? What reality are you living in today?

I’m off to find a solitary place, right in the middle of my daily drama. Come Lord Jesus.

Plastic Baby Jesus

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My family  hits several Christmas-y kind of events each year. And one such event will always stick in my memory. Last year Chuck took the girls to a nativity pageant while I was working. When they got home, I was a little surprised by their reactions. Despite all the hoopla of live animals and multi-member choirs, light shows and fake blue-bearded Isaiahs declaring the birth of the Messiah, there was one glaring and telling reality that summed up the whole of present day Christianity. The first thing my two daughters said when they got home was, “Mom, baby Jesus was plastic!!”

Did you hear me? Plastic. A shiny hunk of pink polyethylene.

Even with their childlike faith and same childlike imagination, the girls were scratching their heads in disbelief.  “Why would they do that?” they asked, verging on  indignation. Surely as adults we can offer lots of reasons and excuses why they did it. Convenience, practicality, order and control.  But aren’t those the very things that God sent Jesus to overturn?

Wasn’t it the absurdity of God born in a babe that changed all life and history as we know it?

The virgin bride didn’t get to consider whether it was convenient.

The betrothed business man didn’t get to waiver simply because it wasn’t practical.

And don’t forget an outraged king shed innocent blood just to control an outcome he couldn’t control.

It makes me wonder if we would even recognize a Real Jesus if we saw Him. Or heard Him. Or felt Him.

Don’t think for a moment that baby Jesus didn’t cry or have hunger or wet His pants. That is how radically God entered His world in our language. He was a helpless babe that we could all relate to — the warm little cuddle against our skin, the sound of His breathing and tiny cries; the delight when eyes meet and recognition sets in. How brilliant is the Lord?

Maybe we should have fake animals and pre-recorded tracks. Maybe the one thing, the most important thing we should see is a baby, a real crying or cooing baby snuggled in his mother’s arms.  And maybe the one thing we should always witness is the wonder and wrestling of these new parents as they hold this tiny child in a world full of chaos and commotion. A world like ours. Frantic and confusing like ours. God in our world. Emmanuel.

Your God Stories: The Gift of a Name

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I love to tell women about how much God loves names. All through the Bible, He gives people names or changes their names. A new identity in Him.  Abram to Abraham. Sari to Sarah. Jacob to Israel. Simon to Peter. Saul to Paul. In Revelation 2:17, God says, “I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it.” Isaiah talks about it. Ezekiel talks about it. I mean, new names are  everywhere.  And better yet, He still does this. God has given each of us “a new name.”  A pet name between Him and us.  This new name is such a gift from Him. Affirmation of how He sees us.

So I frequently invite women to ask God to reveal their name. “Go ask Him to tell you what your  name is. Look up your name meaning. Watch for Him to tell you again and again until you believe it.”  Here are a couple of girls’ stories.

Jana,

So I went to the website that gave us our name meanings. They didn’t have my name listed. So I just gave up.

Well, God put it on my heart to look again somewhere else. He gave me its meaning: “Princess”!

That’s what he’s been calling me the last couple of months, but I wasn’t sure it was really from Him. I just thought that I would share that. 🙂 God is good.

~Tia

__________________________________________________________

Jana ~

I’ve been meaning to email you since last class, but finally am making time to do it. I just wanted to share a couple things that have been going on with me. I left class last week angry (as you mentioned might happen)! I basically half-a$$ed the exercise, got in my car, and cried the entire way home. I came to the realization that I feel like I don’t have TIME to breakdown. I don’t have TIME to think about all this heavy, emotional stuff. I don’t have TIME to be so completely broken which then makes me feel like I need to fix everything, take time for myself, etc. So instead, I’ll turn my head and be fine =) Right? Because that’s way easier!

There’s so many things I want to share with you – my ‘journey’ on value, being be-loved, recently this notion of affirmation – and I’m aware they all are connected. And I get overwhelmed thinking I need to conquer all of them at the same time since they are all staring me in the face.

I was sharing last night in my small group how I’ve somewhat acknowledged the fact that I don’t want to ‘go there’ with the Lord. I get this picture of someone taking tiny, tiny baby steps towards the ledge – not really wanting to peer over and see what’s on the other side, knowing I could be cheating myself from the beauty and freedom of the view.

For whatever reason, I’ve been meaning to look up the meaning of my name. I know we’ve touched on that a couple times during class, so I finally did it this morning. Wouldn’t you know this is what I found:

Jamie

Meaning: truthful

Verse: “Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.” – Proverbs 3:3

Which is obviously the same context of scripture we talked about last night! Ah, I thought that was cool =) I also saw another version where they used the words kindness, trust, and mercy interchangeably with love and faithfulness. What website did you use when you looked up our names?

I’m way past my 3-sentence mark =) but wanted to share. Even though sometimes I don’t want to admit it, I know the Lord is working on my heart ever so slowly – or maybe it’s just that I’m ever so slowly starting to turn to Him.


The Seasons of Loss

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God is teaching me a lot about loss right now. Right here at Christmas, when the focus is on getting — getting gifts, getting decorations up, getting together with loved ones — I am living through different kinds of loss. Charis losing her front tooth. Losing my time. Losing a dog. Tucked into each of these losses are good lessons, but they are bittersweet.

Charis is now officially without two front teeth. I must be getting sentimental in my old age, but it marked more than being able to sing the “All I want for Christmas” song. She is growing up. The baby of her is almost gone. I looked at her and thought, “Childhood is passing so quickly.” And there is a spiritual picture in losing teeth — moving away from baby things to maturity, from temporary to permanent, from milk to solid foods. I am forced to ask: Am I investing in the days I have with her? I found myself praying, “Lord, help me to relish the moments. Help me to savor her as she lets go of childlike things, and to not miss these vanishing days.”

Birthdays, though wonderful, are a kind of loss to me. They mark a passage of time. I always do an evaluation of where my life is to date. What am I doing with my time? Am I moving forward in my life goals and dreams? Have I allowed another year to be sucked away by distractions and excuses? Now more than ever, I am seeing that my time is a gift. My energy and health are gifts. But they are like seeds that can only be sown in certain seasons. I don’t want to lose the seeds to neglect.

We had to put Pearl, our Great Dane, down. She was nine years old, which is old age for these gentle giants. But age didn’t ease the how, why, and when questions, the second-guessing, the wishful thinking. When your dog weighs 150+ lbs, your options are very limited. But her frailty didn’t lessen the bitter decision.  Finally, one day when Salem and I were both trying to lift Pearl up to help her outside and failing miserably, Charis’ voice hit home. “Mom, it’s just time. It’s time to put her down,” she said quietly. Just like that, I realized that my avoiding the moment wouldn’t stop the moment. The loss was inescapable.

We all went together as a family, by choice. We cried and prayed before we took her to the vet. We thanked the Lord for the years, for the great dog that she was. And again Charis’ voice cut through the fog. “Lord, it is just time to let Pearl go. Help us let her go. We love her. And we let her go back to You. Amen.”

The peace that transcends understanding flooded into my weeping heart. After it was over — the vet, the tears, Pearl’s last breaths escaping her body — I asked the Lord to show me the sweet of this bitter moment. And the sweet was in the weeping. We all came home and lay on our bed together and wept. It was the realness of the loss, the realness of the emotion, the realness of death that we needed to experience and be comforted in.

What makes gain so real, so beautiful, is when it laid up against loss. My heart knows joy better when it has known grief. A hungry belly appreciates a meal more than a well fed one. A father letting his son go off to war knows better than anyone the joy of his son’s return. Let God soften and comfort your heart in losses. He is an ever-present help in time of need.

Let Earth Receive Her King – Part III

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So through the surprise birthday bash, God has shown me that He can be trusted with the desires of my heart (Part 1), and that I have to learn to receive good from His hand through others (Part 2). And He is still revealing. So here is Part 3.

At the party, Chuck Spicka leaned over and whispered something in my ear and I looked at him wide-eyed and panicked.

It was the same reaction when Lyschel Burket made the announcement in the WGR class.

“We want to do Birthday Blessings for Jana.”

My body went into immediate shock: heart racing, pits sweating, hands clinching and feet positioned in the “Swim away, swim away” mode. To further the conflict, in my heart of hearts I did have honest desires, needs and wants. But I didn’t know how to approach our Giving God with hope and expectation for me personally and interact with the human race at the same time. I was in a pickle. Can’t run. Don’t want to miss it.

And then came the Birthday Blessings. If you are not familiar with it, it is a time each year to give words of thanks, blessing, and affirmation. We saw this sweet tradition acted out in the Michalik family and were so blown away by the beauty of loving words that we immediately began it our own family.

Here is how it works: family and friends each take a turn and tell the “Blessee” what they like, how they have been impacted, what they love about that person. One time a year to pour in grace and truth. It is so, so fun to do. I mean really, how often do you purposely take a few minutes and just tell someone that you are with on a daily or regular basis what you really love and appreciate? We are so impacted by others as we share life, but rarely tell them just how much their presence influences us.

Anyway. To do this with family and close friends is one thing. But doing it with a broader circle of friends is quite another. And did I mention that to be the “Blesser” is radically being different that being the “Blessee”? We just aren’t conditioned to receive praise and love like that. Well most of us aren’t. My youngest daughter on her birthday said, “Hey are you all done eatin’? I am ready to have my birthday blessings! Bring on the blessin’s!” But she is an unusual case. Or is it that she is the normal one, and the rest of us have just had all of the desire and need for affirmation beaten out of us…?

When it was all done at both events, my heart was swelling. If you knew how many years I had spent alone, or crying, or rejected. If you knew how many birthdays had passed by, just begging the Lord to bless me in the middle of my isolation, then you would know just how rich was that drink of water. It was amazing to hear these beautiful words pouring over me, washing me and watering me, all the while having an internal conversation with God at the same time.

“Steady,” He would say. “Steady, just receive.”
“But Lord, this is crazy. I feel so awkward. This is about you, not me,” I would protest.
“It is still about Me. I put that love in them, for you. I am loving you through them.”
“But what if they reject me later?”
“Jana, today, receive the gift of today,” He said.
When someone would say something that seemed over the top, putting me in too high of a position, I would flinch and object.
But He would whisper, “Just be loved. I will correct the course.”

Just be loved.

Chuck asked me what was the most important thing I had learned in my 48 years. (YES, I am 48!) I told him I have learned that the God life was easier than I had ever been taught. To receive His love, to believe I am loved by Him is the bottom line that changes everything. Every relationship, goal and problem. Just be loved.

Who knew? He did! The great Giving God who restored the years the locusts had eaten; Who makes all things new; Who is the Giver of new life, hope and healing. Oh earth, receive your King!!

Let Earth Receive Her King – Part II

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In Part I, I told you about how my crazy husband got me so, so good with a surprise birthday party. I began explaining all that the Lord had revealed through this one event in my life.   Here is Part II.

My first lesson was that I can trust God with the desires of my heart.  But the second and perhaps more important lesson is: Do I know how to accept gifts from Him when He sets out to fulfill my desires? Through my birthday extravaganza, the Lord showed me that I don’t really know how to receive from Him.  Let me explain.

I told you that my instinct was to run away from the gathering of loving friends.  In the middle of the night, I went back to the Lord to ask Him why.  He explained that as long as Jana was giving to someone else, Jana was fine. But when someone wanted to give TO ME, then my hard drive went haywire. Somewhere in my God belief system, my programming was distorted.  I believed to the extreme that “it is better to give than to receive.”  So much so that I felt guilty, selfish, even sinful if I was ever given something.  Not from God, you understand, but from other people. When other people tried to bless me, I felt vulnerable, undeserving, lacking.  Do you hear that worth bell tolling?

To clarify, this scripture about giving is specifically geared toward stewarding money. Yet this verse had been manipulated into a theological equation that totaled: giving, giving, giving.  Only it didn’t quite add up.

You see, Jesus has his own doctrine:
Love one another.
Love your neighbor as you love yourself.
Love as I have loved you.

Somewhere in His doctrine there must be recipients.  Somewhere there is a giver AND receiver. Just look at Christmas.  Look at the gleeful children so ready, eager and waiting to Receive their Christmas gifts.  God Himself says: “Unto you a child is born, unto you a Son is given.” We have to Receive the Child that has been given to us. Receive the life He gives to us. How powerful now is the refrain, “Joy to the world. The Lord is come. Let earth receive her King.”

At my surprise birthday party, I was going through card after home-made card.  Reading scriptures, pictures and stories of how God had connected my life to others and how we had all been changed.  We were gifts to each other.  Gifts to be received.  This wasn’t a one way street. This wasn’t a benevolent, unconnected exchange.  This was flesh and blood interactions.  It was God’s life poured out through our lives, into my life.  It was Emmanuel.  God with us.  In us, through us, for us….

So revelation number 2: To really experience the Christ life is to Receive Him, His love and gifts — especially as they come through the hands of others….

Let Earth Receive Her King – Part I

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Joy to the World, the Lord is come.  Let earth receive her King.

I have had a phenomenal revelation this weekend in the unlikely form of a Surprise Birthday Party. My ever clever husband conspired with my children (what restraint!) to have me, completely clueless, walk in to a room full of loving friends saying, “Surprise!”  My first response was shock. I stood there open-mouthed, dumbfounded and speechless. Which is a RARE condition for me. But my next responses were of embarrassment and the desire to run away. So I just sat down at the table and cried.  Overwhelmed and undone.

It was a great, great night, with home-made cards and words of love and blessing. As I looked around the table, I kept shaking my head thinking, “I can’t believe all this is for me.”  My cup was indeed running over with thankfulness.

But at 3:30 in the morning, I had to get back up and process with the Lord. Why did I want to run away? Why was I so embarrassed? Why did I feel so guilty over being the recipient of such love and affection?

His answers were astounding.  As usual.  Over the next 24 hours, He began whispering truths into my heart.  Truths about desires, design and receiving His goodness.

So in this first of several blogs, let me give you some background. During the day on Saturday, I had been whining. I was really in a wad about my birthday plans or lack thereof (so I thought). Not one to be overly sentimental about my own birthday, I surprised myself and Chuck with shooting down his plans for our night out:

“No I don’t want to drive the kids out to my mom’s, then drive back west for dinner.”
“No, I don’t want to dress up.”
“We’re only going to Macaroni Grill because you like it.”
“This is stupid, it doesn’t matter, let’s just stay home with the kids and I’ll make dinner.”

Fortunately, Chuck had enough self control to NOT blurt out, “You need to get dressed because I am going to have a surprise party for you, and the kids have to go to your mom’s because all the other people to babysit will  be at YOUR party at Macaroni Grill!”  So glad he resisted that temptation.

But I was still whining. I went outside and told the Lord, “I am just really under attack. I don’t even know what’s wrong with me. Help me to just calm down and be thankful for whatever comes.” But the Lord very quietly asked me, “What do you want?” I said, “Nothing.”

And as soon as I said “nothing,” I wanted to laugh out loud. Because if I wanted “nothing” then what was the whining about? So I ‘fessed up that I wanted to have a heartfelt card from Chuck; that I wanted to feel special but didn’t want to have to ask for it.  That I just wanted to be loved on…. But instead of softening my heart, those thoughts hardened my  heart. I recalled past times of dashed hopes and disappointments. There was no cheese down that hole.

So I concluded my time with the Lord with a grown-up white knuckling version of “that stuff doesn’t matter, and I need to be thankful and not complain.”

How funny that the Lord already knew the desires of my heart, even the unspoken ones, and already had a plan that I knew Nothing about. And how funny that I was tormenting Chuck and all the while he was trying to bless me… How crazy that just hours later, I had the first surprise party of my life and handmade cards telling me how well loved I was. How funny, how crazy, how God….

So for today, I want to end with revelation number one: I can trust God with the desires of my heart. He has plans for me that I know Nothing about.  And, He loves surprises as much as I do….


Your God Stories: Just Swallow

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I get so many God stories, stories of how He interrupts our “normal” life with his “supernatural” life, that I decided to start sharing them!

Please don’t think that these stories indicate that someone “has it all together.” Read them to see how God loves speaking our individual languages and how He enjoys being with us.  He is the ultimate pursuer!

Ok, so this was my AMAZING story of the day. I was sitting at work thinking about all of this stuff in my life that sucks, especially being sick.  And Jesus just said to me: Bethany, remember when you were a little girl and your mom would give you cough syrup? It tasted awful so what did you do?  You just held it in your mouth. You would never swallow the stuff.  All you would have to do is swallow and not only would the taste go away but also it would make you well! Bethany, swallow!  If you just swallow all this stuff, (all the bad tasting stuff going on in my life right now: the no boyfriend, the being sick all the time, the money,etc) I will use it to make your heart well! Just swallow!

Isn’t that amazing!!!! I love that! I love how good He is. That is just the coolest metaphor! And it makes so much sense.

So…I don’t feel like it. Because I’m still a little bitter about it, to be honest. But I’m going to swallow, because I want to be well! I hope this makes sense to you, because it speaks volumes to me!!! Anyway, I’m just so excited I had to tell someone. I told this guy here at work and he couldn’t get past the first sentence of “Guess what Jesus just told me!” He just kept saying, “Jesus talks to you?!” Haha.

Ok, Love you,

Bethany