women getting real

Digging Up Bones on FB

/ Jana / 1 Comment

So I thought it was just me. But then I do a couple of retreats and I hear the same thing over and over. I ask women or men, “How did this crazy thing start anyway?”

“Well they asked me to be their friend on Facebook.”

Sometimes there is a reason that seasons pass and doors are closed.  Sometimes there are very good reasons that they should stay closed.

Connecting with old lovers while you’re married: not a good idea.

Talking more to your ex boyfriend on FB than you do to your husband, or he does his wife: not a good idea.

Friending ex husbands or wives?  Uhm, wasn’t the point of the divorce to NOT be in relationship?

And what if you aren’t married?  Aren’t rules different then?  I don’t know; what are you looking for?  Facebook is great for connecting people but it is also great for inserting people that have no place in your life.

I mean seriously…why on earth do I want to be “Friends” with a person with whom my only connection is sexual stupidity in high school? What is he supposed to say to me?  “Gee remember when we ——–? And now I see you have two kids? How great. And how is your husband?”

I know this is all under the blood of Christ. I have forgiven myself and them. Maybe you have too. But is it healthy to renew these relationships? I would say after talking to several men and women who are losing their hearts to phantom relationships, this breach in boundaries is just one more attack on marriage, or the hope of a healthy relationship. People can be toxic for us, even from afar.

Perhaps there is no sexual contact. But isn’t the mind and its ability to rewrite history strong enough to distract from the now? I am talking to people who just like “to watch what is happening in this person’s life.”  What do you think fosters fantasy anyway?  Watching from afar with no reality of relationship.

Brothers and sisters, beware.   Corinthians says “just because something is technically legal doesn’t make it spiritually beneficial.” (The Message) I encourage you to guard your hearts in Christ Jesus.  Guard your homes.

Don’t allow the enemy to entice your hearts away, especially when your heart is dissatisfied or hurting in your marriage or relationship status already. Don’t believe the lie that it is harmless. It is not.

“The name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous run into it and are safe.” Proverbs 18:10  Run to the Lord, and “defriend” the obstacles to your real relationships.

A Question of Worth, by Guest Blogger, Laura Jones

/ laurajones / Leave a comment

Hi, sisters!  Pray for Jana as she’s getting ready to teach ANOTHER retreat this weekend.  She asked me to share one of my stories with you, so I wanted to let you in on a conversation Lyschel and I had the other day.  Hope her words bless you like they did me. ~ Laura

A Question of Worth

“I’m so mad!  She’s just so belittling and nit picky.  I can never please her!  And it was the STUPIDEST argument anyway.  And I was right!  And she wouldn’t admit it.  And I don’t want to appologize to her because she’s being a ____.”  I dumped all this in Lychel’s ear.

“On top of that, I had to take out a school loan.  I’m embarrassed that I even need one.  I should manage my money better,” I added. “Moreover, I cried at the bank because I was so upset over the argument. That’s embarassing too.  I feel like a total loser.”

Lychel just listened.  “You have permission to be mad, if that’s what you’re looking for.  And you’re not a loser.  You’re God’s.   You’re so good. Remember that your value isn’t based on your performance.”

“I know you’re right.  I just want to know why it bugs me SO badly when someone acts like I’m stupid. Why am I feelng so much embarassment?  Why does it matter so much?”

“Sounds like there are a lot of  ‘worth’ questions in there to me.”  Lyschel replied.

Bingo.  I knew she had just hit home.  Jesus has been talking a lot to  me lately about my worth to Him. Why is it that He treasures me again? 

Because of how smart I am?  No.   

My service? No. 

My loving others well and always being kind?  No.  Good thing, because I just blew that one.

He loves me because of Who He is.  Because it delightes Him to do so.  He calls me a pearl.  Because of WHO He made me. My worth is a WHO not a WHAT.

And in loving but uncomfortable ways, He’s letting me see that too!  He’s letting me see that I can’t determine my value by anything other than what He determines it by:  What HE says, and Who HE is.

 

Weight of the Snow

/ Jana / 1 Comment

With all the snow, no snow, everyone-else-but-us-gets-snow drama, I am frankly a little over the conversation. But in our brief visit with snow here in East Tennessee, the Lord reminded me of one important lesson and taught me a couple of others.

Looking out my bedroom window, the whole hillside was one thick blanket of white. Now compared to Northern snow accumulation, our blanket was more like an afghan, or a little fleece throw.  But everything had been truly transformed into a glittering white wonderland. The Lord, quietly as the snow falls, brought back memories of the first snow after my salvation experience.  It was the Blizzard of ’93.

Talk about snow. That day as I enjoyed the deep breath that always comes after a heavy snow, and marveled at the sheer beauty of the white expanse,  the Lord brought to mind words from an old hymn: “Sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow.” My heart stopped for a moment. As a new believer, I needed that tangible, living picture of what God had done and was doing.  He took my torn and ravaged heart and life, and washed it, covered it, transformed it into a glittering white wonderland. So now when I see a landscape transformed, with no control or ability to self-snow, I thank the Lord once again for His unfailing grace and love.

This year’s revelation is equally thoughtful. When we turned on the radio to assess one of the “impending” snow storms, (there were three whole flakes on the ground) they kept talking about the “weight of the snow” and its ability to break power lines.

I don’t know why but that phrase keeps rolling around in my head. The weight of the snow.  Think tiny flakes that add one on another. Each one unique and different. One author likened the snow as evidence of God’s ability to be Creator of us all.  We balk at the notion of 7 billion people being valued originals. But one has only to measure a couple of city blocks of snow, covered in billions of original snow flakes to see this kind of creative endeavor is no hill for a Climber.

However, I am going in a different direction.  Just as there is a weight of snow, there is a weight of God’s grace.  And we sometimes view grace like we do snow. We question whether we will even get grace. Whether it is enough to even be concerned about. We complain that some get more than others. Then we flip radical switches and fear God will break our power lines and render us helpless and stranded. Of course, all the while, we talk, predict, disparage and mumur about the “snow” instead of talking to the “Snow Maker.”

There is a weight of God’s grace. Like a robe that has been thrown over our shoulders. We can feel it. Tangibly know it is there. There is also an accumulation of His grace. It seems hardly worth the notice but when it starts pouring, it changes everything. It causes us to stop and breathe, to redirect our routes, to get out and play. It even teaches us how to prepare for when things go completely awry and we are without independent power. We hole up and wait.

One thing about this picture that is kind of scary and kind of fun: we never know when we will get either, snow or grace. Only that we will. Just as as He boasts of his “storehouses of snow,” our God has limitless grace. You can eat it, wear it, play in it, build in it and you can even crash in it.
He is the everlasting Grace Giver.

Enjoy your “snow” days.

Power of Confession

/ Jana / Leave a comment

I have been having some interesting conversations about confession. In fact, I had this dream about a dear friend of mine who is running hard after freedom. We had had dinner together and she was saying, “I just don’t know what to do next?” That night I dreamed she was sitting in the middle of this swirling wind and a voice kept repeating, “Confess that you may be healed.”

When she began confessing all the hidden places, lies, hurts, people, beliefs, the whirlwind got stronger and stronger around her and began changing colors. She was laughing and crying and confessing.

Did that just weird you out as much as it did me?

But then there is another friend who is trying get free from tragic happenings in her past. Again, “confess” was the word that came to mind for her.

Cliff notes on confession:

Remember that confession is agreeing with God.

It is owning and calling sin by name: people, actions, feelings, etc.

It is being willing to think about sin the way God does.

People think that confession produces condemnation but actually the opposite is true. When we call things what they are, we walk in the light of Truth. Nothing hidden or disguised. No lies. God already knows the truth, He desires that we KNOW the truth that we might be set free.

This can very hard to do with such an enemy on our heels. There is this Fantastic book that addresses head on the enemy’s tactics but it has a Scandalous title. All the church ladies prepare to gasp in offense…(Wait, are there really church ladies reading this blog? Right. So forward ho.)

The book is called “Emotional Bullshit.” There I said it. And I wish I had written it because it captures some really great insight into Denial, Delusion and Blame. The author even calls those three combined tactics the Toxic Trio.

Here is how it works. I am confronted by my own need to take responsibility for an action or belief. I don’t want to confront or own that responsibility so I deny it. Then I create some story that supports my denial, then I blame someone else for what is happening to me.

Let’s use food as an example. (Did I just hear a collective groan?) I am not taking care of my physical body. I am stiff and don’t like the way I look, and I need to lose weight for my health. These are the facts. This is where I need to take 100% responsibility to change my lifestyle so that those three things might change. Exercise and a better diet will decrease the stiffness, change the way I look, and improve my health. I have the power over all of those choices.

BUT: if I refuse to exert my power over those choices, I have to create some story as to WHY I can’t change. So I exaggerate, or fabricate, or procrastinate the circumstances to make up a B.S. story about why I am stuck. And almost ALWAYS my B.S. story will have someone ELSE being the reason or problem, the culprit, the cause of why I can’t change. See if my health is dependent on someone or something else, then I am not responsible for me. Voila’! Emotional Bullshit at its finest.

This is why confession is the key to all things. Confession is a completely counter-flesh concept. Only the Spirit of God leads the spirit to come to the the throne of a merciful God. It is the Spirit who convicts of sin. Not accusation, that is demonic. Not condemnation, that is only part of the enemy’s tactics.

But confession comes from God and returns to God. When you confess with your mouth those things that you are afraid of saying to God, you will be healed. It is His promise to us.

“He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” Proverbs: 28:13

So in every day life, not just the stronghold issues we face, but moment by moment, we ask the Lord to sweep our hearts. When He puts His loving finger on that heart attitude or action, word or deed, then we don’t resort to Emotional B.S. but we learn to confess.

“Yes Lord, thank You for showing me that. I see You are making me whole hearted.”

Just watch yourself today. It can be a fun exercise to see how much you shift and squirm to get away from being responsible for your own life…

Holy Help

/ Jana / 2 Comments

As I finish these reflections on Elijah, for now at least, I want to come back to one of the most basic tenets of Christianity. Christ dwells among us. He is our ever-present help in time of need. “Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16)

Do you boldly approach His throne of grace with confidence? Do you believe you WILL find grace to help your health, your addictions, your bills, your fears, your longings?

Elijah learned to do this. But the keyword here is “learned.”  Over time. Through journeying with God. Elijah learned to walk through the testing, failing, trying believing, succeeding and even being disappointed with God. Over time Elijah learned to ask and keep trying. John Dee often says to me, “Keep swinging.”  I love that, now. In the beginning of my own journey I hated that phrase; I didn’t want to keep swinging. I wanted to get it Right! And right, right now. Sound familiar?

I think one of the biggest tricks of the enemy is to create a false demand of our perfection then bar-be-que our behinds with guilt and regret when we fail. How pointless to fall for that lie over and over again.  If there is no condemnation from God, why are we listening to this accusing hack?

Today, I see the courage of John’s statement and goodness of God’s plan. I keep swinging, because I am convinced this situation, this hurdle, this attack is not the sum total of me, nor is it the end of me. I am increasingly more convinced, that God enjoys the journey with me, with you, so much that He purposely sets us up with life happenings that teach us over time, slowly, with repetition, so that we are truly transformed.

Remember school?  I would cram information in so I could dump it back out on a test, but two days later I couldn’t recall a single date or fact.  Not so with God.  The Holy Spirit is the best Truth Teacher anywhere, so He uses all manner of techniques to instruct, guide and impart for lasting, lifelong, eternal change. Jesus has kept his promise.

“But when He, the Spirit of truth, comes, He will guide you into all truth.” John 16:13

So the final Elijah picture is beautiful in that God’s response to Elijah’s question was to send a helper, Elisha. God sees, hears, and responds. We do not despair like the godless. We rejoice for Our Living God is with us and for us. Regardless of the present circumstances, we watch and worship, waiting on our Sovereign Father to move on our behalf.

17 Though the fig tree does not bud

and there are no grapes on the vines,

though the olive crop fails

and the fields produce no food,

though there are no sheep in the pen

and no cattle in the stalls,

18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD,

I will be joyful in God my Savior.

19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength;

he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,

he enables me to go on the heights.

Habbakuk 3

Kisses from Jesus

/ Jana / Leave a comment

Sure I know it is the day after Valentine’s Day and enough already, right? But God did this totally random thing at the retreat I was teaching this weekend and I wanted to share it.

I gave the women two chocolate kisses. I told them to eat one like they would normally do.  And most of them just chomped it down.  Then I asked them to take the next one and hold it in their mouths and really experience the chocolate, savour the taste, the texture. Their faces were a sea of enjoyment.

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” I said, “You just got a kiss from Jesus.”

I wish you could have been there to see the change in facial expressions: shock, awe, delight, disgust, disbelief. Where did I get this cockamamey idea?  Uhm, that would be the Bible.

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—

for your love is more delightful than wine.

Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes;

your name is like perfume poured out.

No wonder the maidens love you!

Take me away with you—let us hurry!

Let the king bring me into his chambers.”

Song of Songs 1:2-4

What is a kiss anyway?  A sign of affection, connection, relationship.  But here is the distinctive: I only kiss people I love.  Sure there are different kinds of kisses. Little pecks and long lingers. But all are expressions of love. We humans didn’t make up that connection. This is a clue into the affections of God.

And, I don’t receive kisses from just anyone. You have to been in my circle of affection before you can enter into that realm with me.  The closer you go into my circle, the more intimate the kiss.

I wonder, do you savour your relationship with God, like enjoying a good piece of chocolate? Do you know you have a Royal Husband whose love is more delightful than wine?

Do you ever give yourself permission to simply enjoy God and be enjoyed by Him?

Isaiah 54 makes a scandalous statement. He declares our Maker is our Husband. Think about this. The implications are staggering. He is love. He is hope. Therefore, He is perfect in power, provision, love, affection, satisfaction, and companionship. He is able to meet every need of every woman, and every man.

Since the fall, both men and women have been trying to do life on their own, depending on self to provide and protect, define and value. Both sexes have been looking for the perfect mate to complete and satisfy their longings. All the while, we have had the Perfect Mate but we continue to look elsewhere, to lesser lovers, lesser gods.

Even with the status of current day marriages being so disappointing, we rarely allow ourselves to consider that we have a Spiritual Husband. Will you go there?

I am double doggin’ dare you to ask for a kiss from Jesus.  It may come as a song, a card, a word from someone, a scripture, or picture, but this I know — if you ask and watch, it will come.

Know where mine came from?  A parking lot.  I went out of my way to get to a store only to get there and it was closed. As I was walking back to the car, grumbling, I saw it.

A little red glittering heart. Wet from the rain, but waiting for me.

“Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.” Habakkuk 2:3

Listen for Your Love Story

/ Jana / 1 Comment

I am prepping for a retreat today. But I am really just looking for an excuse to have Laura Jones share her love story.  It is a doozy.  What I love about it is she was introduced to the notion of God giving her a new name and she ran with it.  Or maybe she Ran To Him.  So when He started with those “gentle whispers,” her heart was ready and oh so willing to believe and receive.

Be on the look out this weekend for your own love story.  Where do you think Romance came from anyway? Jesus is the Lover of our souls.  Enjoy! ~ Jana

Sparkle

by Laura Jones

“I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it.” ~ Revelation 2:17” (For more on God giving special names, read this.)

Okay, God’s gushing on me.  I have a new pet name from Jesus! It’s “Sparkle.”

I was looking at my Christmas ornament Mom got me – a seashell with all kinds of glitter on it (because of the way God had spoken to me with the sea shells I found at the beach this summer).

“I love that my shell sparkles, Lord,” I smiled as I admired my shell.

“Like you.”

Then I remembered that my dress He provided for my birthday party (celebrating new beginnings) has sparkles all over it, too. I had asked Him for a gorgeous dress in a size 10 that was under $50. This one was $32! I was surprised at the time that I liked it.

I generally hate things that are too glitzy – I feel like they are fake, over the top, draw too much attention, are cheap looking.  Aren’t lady like. Too out there.  (Is this sounding familiar yet? Those are all the fears I have about being myself. Will I be too over the top, draw too much attention… do I have anything real worth paying attention to anyway?)

He’s telling me I sparkle. Really. And it’s okay.

“Sparkle.  Is that my name? Is the word ‘sparkle’ even in the Bible?”

So I looked on Biblegateway.com.  Get this:

“The LORD their God will save them on that day as the flock of his people. They will sparkle in his land like jewels in a crown.”  Zachariah 9:16

Isn’t it just like the Lord?  I’ve known for a long time that “Laura” means “crown.” So where “Crown” is my name, “Sparkle” really is my pet name!

And get this: something can only sparkle in the presence of LIGHT (Him).  AND the more facets there are (the more there are different sides of me), the more the sparkle. Isn’t God awesome!?

What Are You Doing Here?

/ Jana / Leave a comment

Elijah travels for forty days and forty nights to The Cave and greater revelation of God. And as is God’s way, He begins the revelation with a question.

“And the word of the LORD came to him: ‘What are you doing here, Elijah?’ ”

In this moment of truth, Elijah does a very noble thing. He is honest before the Lord. Elijah just lays it out the way he perceives it. “Okay God,” he says, “here is the way I see it. It ain’t pretty. And it’s gonna get worse. And to beat it all, I am the only one left and even I am a marked man.”  (Paraphrased of course.)

Have you ever been asked, “What do you want?”  I have and it about took my head off. One question tore down all the tasks and oughts and shoulds and left me with, “Wow, I don’t know; what can I have?” This is an explosive invitation to Elijah and to us. When God asks you a question, He already knows the answer. He wants to know if you know the answer.  And after Elijah’s short sighted answer, the Lord does for him what He does when all of His children are scared: He reminds Elijah of His power and strength.

The LORD said,

Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD,

But the LORD was not in the wind.

After the wind there was an earthquake,

but the LORD was not in the earthquake.

After the earthquake came a fire,

but the LORD was not in the fire.

And after the fire came a gentle whisper.

When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

This whole passage is packed.  Look at where it says, “in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”  See the two expressions of the Lord? This is our Father’s world. Every bit of it. His presence fills everywhere, all the time. Dallas Willard calls it a “God-bathed world.” So we don’t have to fear Him not being near. He truly did come to live with us, Immanuel. And in addition to His presence, there is greater revelation of the Lord Himself. He passes by Elijah. He walks with us.  He talks with us. He LISTENS to us. He protects and encourages us.

He dwells right where we are. Only He is not us. His wind tears down our protective walls. His earthquake shakes the foundations that we stand on. His fire burns up anything but the sheer weight and tenderness of His presence. Powerful, but merciful.

And again comes the question that already has an answer.  If I fault Elijah at all, it is that he said the same thing twice. Did he miss it? Did he miss God’s beautiful demonstration in answer to his very lament? With such a display of tender strength, what or who could come against this Living God?  Elijah could never be more safe than in the presence of God. Perhaps that is why on a different day, but a similar inquiry, Job exclaimed, “My ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you.” Job 42:5

Seek the face of God. Even in then caves.  Ask for eyes to see the goodness and greatness of our God. And ears to hear His very present gentle whisper.

Who’s Running On Empty?

/ Jana / 1 Comment

So we’ve talked about Elijah’s journey through the draught, the brook, the widow and the showdown with the false prohets.The rain has begun again and there are posters all over town that Jezebel is going to kill Elijah. Better than any reality TV.  And even after all this God movement, Elijah is scared and pooped.

Is that okay?  I mean do you ever feel like it is Un-Christian to be afraid and need a break?  I talk to a lot of people, including myself, who have this spiritual notion that if you are “rightly filled with God” you will never get scared or weary.  Or if you do, you’d better not admit it. Lord knows, there are plenty of scriptures that charge us to “press on” no matter what. Here are a few:

“But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galations 6:9

“But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize….”Phillipians 3:13-14

These are all 100% true. And on the right day  these verses really strengthen me (and you).  But our fear and fatigue is 100% true too. And on the wrong day, these verses just make us feel more afraid, tired and alone. However, if we look at Elijah’s story a little bit differently, we might see God a little differently too. Much writing on this part of Elijah’s story focuses on Elijah.  We despise his weakness. Maybe because it reveals our own.

But like most of the Bible, this story is not about the frail human, but the loving God who reached down and comforted His son. Go back and look at the passage again:

All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” 6 He looked around, and there by his head was a cake of bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again. 7 The angel of the LORD came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” 8 So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. 9 There he went into a cave and spent the night.  1 Kings 19: 5-7

Why did God do that?

The angel touched him. He “came back a second time.” He fed Elijah. He gave him water to drink. He let Elijah sleep. He woke him up. Picture a mother or father standing over the bed of sick child. Watching, waiting, hoping praying for restoration. Again, why did God do that?

I don’t think for one minute that God was disappointed in Elijah. I don’t think He scorned or rebuked him. For sure I don’t think He despised Elijah’s fear or weakness.  That is what we do, perhaps. But that is not what God does. He comforted, supplied and strengthened His child. This is a loving compassionate interchange. God is so pleased to dwell among weak, broken people like Elijah, like us. And where was all this effort leading Elijah? To the mountain of God.

Where are you freaking out? What has got you running blind with fear? What has you so despondent that you would rather die than press on?  Then purposefully take a rest. Take a nap, a walk, a breather. Take a time out and let God feed and refresh you. Let Him remind you that He is right with you in the middle of the mess. And He alone knows where you are really headed — the mountain of God.

Psalm 65

/ Jana / Leave a comment

This Psalm came to heart for us today… Soak in it.

Psalm 65

For the director of music. A psalm of David. A song.

1 Praise awaits you, O God, in Zion;

to you our vows will be fulfilled.

2 O you who hear prayer,
to you all men will come.

3 When we were overwhelmed by sins,
you forgave our transgressions.

4 Blessed are those you choose
and bring near to live in your courts!
We are filled with the good things of your house,
of your holy temple.

5 You answer us with awesome deeds of righteousness,
O God our Savior,
the hope of all the ends of the earth
and of the farthest seas,

6 who formed the mountains by your power,
having armed yourself with strength,

7 who stilled the roaring of the seas,
the roaring of their waves,
and the turmoil of the nations.

8 Those living far away fear your wonders;
where morning dawns and evening fades
you call forth songs of joy.

9 You care for the land and water it;
you enrich it abundantly.
The streams of God are filled with water
to provide the people with grain,
for so you have ordained it.

10 You drench its furrows
and level its ridges;
you soften it with showers
and bless its crops.

11 You crown the year with your bounty,
and your carts overflow with abundance.

12 The grasslands of the desert overflow;
the hills are clothed with gladness.

13 The meadows are covered with flocks
and the valleys are mantled with grain;
they shout for joy and sing.