I hear this a lot.  “I am just trying to be a good wife and mother.” My advice? Stop.  Whaaat?  Yes, please stop trying to “be” someone based on the role you fill. A wife and mother may be holy assignments and job descriptions. However, they are not who we are. (Are you single? Your work is not the end goal.)

So many women have their worth totally wrapped around their children’s success or husband’s satisfaction, or even how the house looks. But if all those things went away, we would still have a woman standing there. Who are you really?

Who you are “are,”  first and foremost, is a child of God, enjoyed in Heaven, empowered by the Holy Spirit, and loved by Jesus. This reality trumps every other role we might fill.

Perhaps a greater quest is to be a good “you.”

Who did God have in mind when He created you? What needs to be transformed, taken off, put on to restore that image? This is the goal. When we  walk in our true authentic self, then we learn how to carry out our responsibilities as a wife and mother from a completely different place. We give to others the freedom we ourselves have received.

Honestly, so many of our hang-ups come when we compare ourselves to others. We think we can’t measure up, or our unique flavor is not acceptable, so we desperately try to hide ourselves or conform to fit some social mold. This is true inside the church and out.

To be sure, there is a standard. But it does not come from you and I. It comes from God alone. God is the One who tells us what kind of woman He desires. He is the One who tells us what we are working on. This journey is happening as we parent, as we do married life. So He uses our husband and children to reveal and refine the woman-in-the-making.

Sometimes we make it really hard, but doing a check-in with the fruit of His Spirit is a great place to start. The result of Him being in us, or His fruit, changes us. He is making us loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, gentle, faithful, full of self control. We are all uniquely different, but all looking more like Him.

How do we cooperate? Keep Him first.

Obvious right? Not so much.  If our kids, regardless of their age, get the best and most of our attention, we are out of whack. If our husband’s opinion, or friends’ or church’s opinion, means more than God’s opinion, we are out of whack.

We are talking Creator to created. Who knows you better than anyone? Who alone seeks your good without selfish gain or need? Who alone knows how to satisfy your deepest longing to be known and loved?

It’s a pretty short list. Jesus alone.

Want to be a better wife and mom? Be with Jesus. Don’t just read about Him. Be with Him.

Hear me when I say, the world needs the you that God created. Not the sin-broken, fear-driven,  comparison-trapped person on a gerbil wheel trying to perform.

We need the free, empowered and empowering others, honestly loving, warrior that God created. Don’t settle for anything less.

Trust me. Our kids and husband will benefit when we do.

“There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.” Philippians 1:6