Bikinis, Boys and Tan Lines…Oh My!

I recently posted a very articulate video on the origin of the bikini and its less than desired result for empowering women. (Jessica Rey and the Evolution of the Bikini.  http://youtu.be/WJVHRJbgLz8 ) The bikini’s history and the current status of billions of dollars in sales is astounding. Confronting. Worthy of consideration. And yet, I must confess, while I loved her thoughts and challenges—uhm,  I hated her modest swimsuits. At least for me. Why? Because I hate tan lines.

It’s crazy, I know. Don’t judge me.  Most of my friends have no issue with tan lines. But alas, I do. Joie de vivre. Right?

But tan lines or not, there remains this nagging issue of whether our girls are being told the truth about their exposure. And I’m not talking about sun screen.IMG_4974

Before I begin let’s clarify. I am not the bathing suit police. I have my own contradictions to wrestle, as you will soon see.  Yet, here are some  thoughts about the bikini’s affect on young women, and men.

I vividly remember being in Florida in my twenties. I was by myself, so no peer pressure, and I was there for one purpose, tanning.  I was also in the best shape of my life. So my itsy, bitsy bikini, consisting of approximately four triangles and some string, was simply functional for me. Not tempting, not immoral, just functional. Until.

Until I went to the snack bar without putting on a cover up. I was suddenly conscious of eyes on me. A lot of eyes. Men’s eyes ravaged my body, and women’s eyes sneered in distaste. It wasn’t that I was so captivating, but that I was so BARE.

I had not seen myself the way I was now being seen—nearly naked.

It took me years of studying male-female reactions, a relationship with Jesus, and having daughters of my own to understand what happened that day. The short version? The female form carries a lot of power. It’s a God thing and a good thing. And it’s under attack.

As Ms. Rey stated, women have the power to be treated as objects or to the power to reveal their dignity. This is an all but lost notion among mothers as well as daughters. She also went on to explain that OUR choices affect men negatively, which causes a chain reaction of men viewing us negatively.  The bikini is a big factor in this dance.

For some girls, bikinis start young. “They are just little girls, it doesn’t matter” I often hear moms say. Their logic is little girls have no breasts, no awareness of their future allure, so their  bodies are in neutral. However, the reality is year after year they teach little girls that it is normal to be nearly naked in public. This normal produces a cluelessness about their personal power and a lack of knowledge of  how to protect it when breasts and hips do arrive on the scene.

For some girls, moving into a bikini is a sign of maturity. For me as a preteen, the mark of becoming a woman was wearing a bikini and filling it out. As women floated past in their lycra underwear, my friends and I understood it to be a rite of passage. A next level. A mark of beauty.

What’s even more disturbing was the unspoken female agreement:  fat women don’t wear bikinis. Thin women do. The problem was (and is), how thin do you have to be to be in a bikini?  The following years for us as blossoming women were filled with striving and shame over wanting minimal tan lines but still needing to have the “right size” to wear a bikini. This thought lingers on.

Fast forward to some much needed maturity, (whew), some new perspectives on beauty, and the dawning revelation of the power of a woman’s body.

Over time I realized that the cute girl in the bikini was not just getting the admiration of her guy friends, she was also getting gawked by every male she passed. Eeww. She either didn’t know it, or fed off of the buzz of male attention.  But I began to question, is this the sum total of her beauty? To have a guy consume her visually?

My last beach trip made me sick.  The new ‘brazilian’ bikini bottom made its debut. So while the lovely woman posed casually with her friends, half of her arse hanging out of her suit, the bar full of men nearby were crudely discussing the need for additional Viagra pills.

Is this the empowered woman we are all working so hard for?

Who is the culprit? The men who treat her as a sex object? Or the woman for presenting herself as one?

This beauty things keeps rearing its ugly head (no pun intended). And it’s not a quick answer. With friends at the pool the other day we did a highly UN-scientific survey. We looked at several females in bikinis and noticed a striking difference in our reactions. From flat line to wow factor.

Fit mom in bikini running after two kids. No problem. Not much excitement.

Sort of fit sixty year old in modest bikini. Nada.

Overweight teenager in a bikini with lots of belly and thigh action. Not so much.

But the off-duty svelte lifeguard, bronzed and firm,  flashing her tini-kini? Yep the whole audience, male, female, young and old watched her as she strolled by.

What is that? Brainwashing? Years of telling us what beauty is, or is not? Maybe. But it is Reality for sure.

So what the heck am I saying? Here comes the hard part for me personally. I don’t like how I view bikinis based on beauty. I hate it, in fact. The rules seem different depending age and stage of life. They seem more dangerous when the woman is using her body to say, “I am so available.”

When I go to the beach, surrounded by strangers,  I find I have disqualified myself so I think I can wear whatever, within reason, as long as I am sitting down and not parading the shoreline.  Yes I am beautiful, but I have no pressure, or desire, to gather attention. Great. Happy tanning for me.

What about my beautiful daughters? The developed one, and the one on the way?
Do I want a boy, man, male lusting after my daughters? No. (God help these men…)

I started my girls out in one pieces. And now, they wear one pieces by choice. I’m glad for that. They will have to navigate this as they get older. But for now, it seems “unnatural” for them to go out in public in less clothes than their underwear, which they rightly hide in behind closed doors. My daughters are more modest, and self- honoring that I was.  I’m glad for that too.

Here is the crux of the issue.  Our bodies are the temple of God. They are to bring HIM glory.  Not a cheap thrill.

If a woman wants a man to take her seriously, maybe she should start with herself? Does she take herself seriously? Does she own and value the beauty she carries? Does she honor herself in a way that is not easy pickings?

Moms are we teaching this to our daughters?

Just because guys like to look, doesn’t mean they get a free peep show.

And what about the responsibility we have to our brothers of all ages?  Do women understand how  and why to honor them with what we wear?

It seems to me that while we are busy criticizing the men for being animals, we might want to see who is hanging the fresh meat in front of their faces…

Let’s help our daughters become more than bait.

 

Twists and Turns and the Peace of God

My brain got twisted around on Saturday.  So on Sunday, in worship, I just sat there. No singing. No standing even. Just sitting.

And as I felt the Spirit of God pulling on my heart I began to cry because I realized I wasn’t even sitting and looking for his presence. I was content to just sit in my pity party. But God.

I heard the faintest whisper, “Grab your Bible.”  I did and it fell open to Philippians. Oh great, I thought, the whatever is good, noble, blah, blah, blah passage. “Like I haven’t read that a hundred times,” I said aloud through my tears.  The whisper came, “Read it again.”

The whole passage is below. It is medicine for the weary soul. But let me just give you highlights of what I saw as I read  it “again.”

You whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, that is how you should stand firm.   (He still loves me when I’m acting like a brat.)

Let your gentleness by evident to all. (Ouch, I have not been gentle at all.)

The Lord is near. (I know you are Jesus, help me re-focus)

And the peace of God will guard your hearts and minds, in Christ Jesus. ( I have let down my guard so I have no peace.)

Put it in to practice. (Yes, I can try again. I must keep practicing.)

And the God of peace with be with you. (Thank you for never leaving me hopeless.)

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. (I am still learning this. I got swept up in the drama.)

I have learned the secret… (Secret? What secret?)

I can do everything through him who gives me strength. (Yes God. With you all things are possible. Forgive my unbelief.)

I am amply supplied. ( Why do I still question this?)

The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. (Your grace covers all my weakness. Thank for strengthening my spirit.)

Can I get a Wow and and Amen?

That play on the words  — the peace of God, and the God of peace — was like an IV drip for my spirit. The peace of God will guard me, because the God who is peace is with me. In His presence there is peace and it is the shield and medicine I need.

And everywhere, all the time, the Lord is insisting on P-R-O-C-E-S-S. I must learn to enjoy the journey with Him. There is a secret. I can learn it if I will practice it. There is a truth greater than my need. I can do everything in Him because through Him I am fully resourced.

How then shall I live? By the grace of Jesus in my spirit. Selah.

Oh Spirit of God, how excellent you are in all your ways. To our God and Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

 

Therefore, my brothers and sisters, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, stand firm in the Lord in this way, dear friends!

I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord. Yes, and I ask you, my true companion, help these women since they have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are in the book of life.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

10 I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

14 Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles. 15 Moreover, as you Philippians know, in the early days of your acquaintance with the gospel, when I set out from Macedonia, not one church shared with me in the matter of giving and receiving, except you only; 16 for even when I was in Thessalonica, you sent me aid more than once when I was in need. 17 Not that I desire your gifts; what I desire is that more be credited to your account. 18 I have received full payment and have more than enough. I am amply supplied, now that I have received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent. They are a fragrant offering, an acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God. 19 And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.

20 To our God and Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

21 Greet all God’s people in Christ Jesus. The brothers and sisters who are with me send greetings. 22 All God’s people here send you greetings, especially those who belong to Caesar’s household.

23 The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. Amen.[a]

Philippians 4, NIV

 

Summer Rain Refreshes More Than The Grass

I love summer. I love getting to work on projects and “hang out” with my kids. I love what seems like a radical schedule shift when school gets out. But now here we are in mid-July and I find this radical shift also has a challenge to it.

It surfaced when I said out loud to the Lord, “my cup is empty.”

Then I realized how little “alone” time I have. For you moms with children younger than mine, I can hear your resounding, “Amen!”

But here is my quick pearl for today. God is always seeking to refresh, water, replenish, renew us. It happened like this for me.

It began to rain really hard, big steady drops. And I heard the faintest whisper, “that would feel so nice.” Immediately, I began recounting all the practical reasons why I didn’t have time to mess with a rain date.

Ever so gently the Lord replayed the comment, “my cup is empty.”

I looked outside at the trees, flowers and grass. They never complained about a good soaking rain. Even nature knows the high cost of being parched and drained from the intense heat. And even nature readily receives the Lord’s refreshing rain.

So out I went. Standing on my deck in the pouring rain. Not hours. But minutes. Enough to get soaked. I cupped my hands and let the rain form little pools in my hands. I couldn’t help but laugh as I tilted my head back to let the raindrops kiss my face. I felt the Lord’s pleasure as I received His gift.

Then a quick warm shower and back to the summer frenzy.

Allow the Spirit of God to water you. And see how it revives your life.

When God Speaks…

Instead of asking does God speak, what if we asked, what do we do when God speaks.  I am convinced more and more of His desire to be known, explored —enjoyed. And I am also increasingly convinced of the “two-way street” reality of our relationship. It is not just me going to Him. Or Him pouring out on me. But instead it is a beautiful exchange, a passing of ideas and thoughts, a stirring in both hearts, mine and His.

In the same way that I am hopeful, even fervent, for His response, He is eager and awaiting mine. The word is giddy. Think excited kid before she opens up a present. Think a bride and groom before the pastor announces “the kiss.” Think grinning. Clapping hands. Raised eyebrows.  A giddy comment of  “Soooo, whatcha gonna do?” from Jesus.

This catches me off guard.  I love getting touches, kisses, insights, direction from the Lord.  But in recent months, these affections have  changed from a delightful act  to an incredible invitation.  My reactions have moved from “You are too sweet. Thanks, Lord,” to a head shaking, heart pounding, “You are joking, right Lord?”

Jesus is always inviting us into More. Holy Spirit is always revealing the Way into more. The question remains, how will we respond?

Just for fun, here is the crazy conversation He revealed on the way to the beach and home, via billboards.  If this isn’t crazy enough, look at the invitation to more that requires an answer.  And who, in their right mind, can refuse this Crazy Loving God??

Rest is required
Make outside the place to be
Fall in love all over again
Economic forecasts tend to be shovel ready
Change the way you advertise
Become a fan
Quality without question
Let me be your guide.
Why settle?
Unlock your future.
Whatever it takes. Wherever it takes us.
Uncommonly made. Uncommonly good.
Take home more. Be home more.
Going strong.
Ignite greatness.

 

Be Loved

Wanted to turn our hearts to the Heart of God today. Regardless of the outcome of your earthly Valentine’s Day, soak on these truths…

Your Maker is your Husband (Isaiah 54:5)

He rescued you because He delights in you (Psalm 18:19)

Let Him kiss you with the kisses of His mouth
For your love is is more delightful than wine (Song of Songs 1: 2)

Never will I leave you or forsake you.  (Hebrews 13:5)

The Spirit and the bride say, “Come!” And let the one who hears say, “Come!”
Let the one who is thirsty come; and let the one who wishes take the free gift of the water of life. (Revelation 22: 17)

Happy Valentine’s Day.
From your One True Love