Tending to Your Heart In Winter

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Imagine  a dried piece of toast.  That’s what my heart  looked  like coming out of the holidays.  And I was so confounded by it.

I enjoyed such a rich time with my family and friends, a time for which I am so grateful and don’t take for granted. I don’t know about you, but families can be risky, so having a happy gathering is a big win at my house. Plus when your kids are home for two weeks, and your husband is on vacation, it generally means mom is not! But God answered my prayers that I would truly savor the times we had together. And we did! IMG_5956

Still when it was just me and Jesus again, the kids back at school, Chuck back to the office, the decorations back in boxes, I felt a little iced over. How can this be when we just spent a month celebrating God’s faithfulness and wonder?

Nevertheless. I was dried out. Iced over.  Blah.

In the natural, winter demands protective measures. Covering pipes. Wearing warmer clothes. Increasing Vitamin D until the sunshine returns.

I’m finding the spiritual winter demands extra effort as well. The first step for me in warming up was understanding that I  am not doing anything wrong necessarily. Continue reading →

Deceived or Devoted?

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Christmas devotionals abound, I know. But God connected a dot for me last night and I thought you would enjoy it too. It’s about two women and their radically different responses to God.

Here’s a  little context. Every year we  do an assortment of Christmas celebrations.

Watch “The Nativity” movie. Read “The Advent” book. Attend a couple of  musical presentations.

At one such event, there was moment when the characters acted out the fall of man, and thus the need for the Savior. In this particular drama, Adam exclaimed  that Eve got them kicked out of the garden. He seemed bewildered, amazed, overwhelmed by her deception. (Never mind that the man was with the woman when she was tempted by the serpent.)

Call me hyper-sensitive, but there was something yukky about the script or delivery,  as if everything would be hunky-dory if it wasn’t for ‘that woman.’ Continue reading →

Is Forgiveness Real, or Not?

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I really blew it with my kids yesterday.  Blame it on a toxic cocktail of hormones,  fear and the need to control.  Or.  Let’s just get real.  It was my loss of self control. 

Either way, when my emotional tornado passed, all of us looked and felt like one of those house-splintered aftermath scenes. They were hurt.  I was hurt. And I was pretty sure the Lord was sad too.  There was  a lot of debris to clean up.

As I made dinner, the scene replayed in my mind: my words, their faces.  My choices, their hurt. Over and over it played. My heart was breaking. I love my girls so much. And yet…I still said those horrible things.

“What do I do now??” I asked the Lord in a near panic.

Of course— I would ask my girls  for forgiveness.  But how do I be different next time? I was in a state of shock and disbelief.

Had He taught me so much only for me to lose it in a moment? Did His love not really matter when I needed it most? Was I ever going to learn how to deal with my emotions in a healthy way in the heat of the moment? Continue reading →

Why More Sex Doesn’t Fix Porn

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It makes me sick when pastors tell wives that if they had been sexing their husbands enough, then their husbands would not have turned to porn. But it makes me violent when pastors tell these now broken, betrayed wives that it is their duty to keep giving their porn addict husbands sex to make them better.

These same pastors misquote scripture to further beat up these wounded women. Well played guys.  Because orgasm is the god of the age.

One commonly misused passage is 1st Corinthians 7: 1- 7 Continue reading →

When Women Get in Motion

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We are born for motion.

And sometimes, oh how we fight it. After much resisting and arguing with God, I finally relented and went back to Jazzercise.  He  asked me to “love what He loves” which is His language for “Jana, take care of yourself.”

Selah…Are you loving what He loves?

So needless to say, I’m ba-a-a-ack, and man, He talks to me a lot while I  huff and puff and sweat. Think physical and spiritual workout at the same time.  While I shed fat and gain muscle, I shed lies and gain mental muscle too.  The first two weeks were brutal but worth it.

I ran into “her”,  got a new pair of shoes, and got a new inspiration. Whew, He was busy… I forgot He was so committed to my health (and your health). Continue reading →

A Few Thoughts on the “Sex Talk” — Part 1

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Many of you have asked about when and how to get started on this oh-so-delicate topic of Sex.  What I can offer you is what I learned as an abstinence and relationship teacher and what I have done with my own girls.  I am going to try to break it down in bite-sized pieces.

1) Start sooner than you think and start sooner than you are ready. 

Parents often wait to discuss the whole sexual side of relationship until they “think their children are ready.”  But in my experience, this is a fallacy and is often a big cover up for parental fear.  The thought goes, if my children don’t ask, then my children aren’t ready.  But we don’t do this in any other area. We talk to our children about fires being hot and able to burn you, chocolate being wonderful but the need for moderation, and even what to do around “scary people” and how to get help.

I doubt any of our children asked about these topics.  But we deemed them as  necessary discussions for their development. So is sex.

We live in a highly sexualized culture. Your children are being educated All. The. Time.   So my firm belief is that parents should be the primary voice even in sexual matters for their children. Why? You want to be the Go-To person for your children. You want to be the trusted expert. Not the TV, movies, social media or even their buddies.

I  feel so strongly about this.  I want to create a foundation of truth for today’s generation that is based on God’s idea of sexuality. I want it to be so strong that when the world tries to dump its toxic nature into my kids, or your kids, that they can see the lie for what it is. Otherwise, the opposite is true. The world  establishes the foundation for our kids and parents then resort to trying quick fixes. Too many parents wait so long that their kids have no need to hear from mom and dad.

Too many times, and I have seen this first hand, kids give up on their parents. The parents act like they don’t know anything about sex so they lose credibility with their own children.  Children will go somewhere to get answers.  You want  to be where they go. If you shy away, or sugar coat or even Christian-coat  their real questions, you will lose them. Oral sex, anal sex, homosexual sex.  You don’t flinch. You answer their questions. But they won’t even begin asking if you have never opened the door for them to walk through. Lovre+017

We began the “sex talk” by celebrating marriages.  Our girls were often flower girls or we attended friends’ weddings so we talked about the honeymoon being a special time for the husband and wife to share secret and beautiful things.  At one point, then five -year-old Charis was so excited about the idea of a honeymoon she exclaimed, “Daddy I want you to come on my honeymoon with me and my husband!”

Chuck laughed and said, “I tell you what, when you get married if you and your husband still want me to come, I will be glad to be there!!”

Early on, we set the stage for them that something wonderful was coming.  As they got older, lots of conversations naturally happened as we watched movies where couples had sex on the first date.  Why are they kissing already? Why are they having sex, they aren’t married yet? It is easy to have lots  of “sex talks” as you are doing life together, rather than having one big weekend or event.

We honored their bodies. When they were very small we  called  their sexual areas “privates,” because they were not to be seen or shared with anyone but who God had for them.  Sound like overkill? With the prevailing sexual abuse, we wanted our girls to know that we highly valued  them and they were worth protecting. In hindsight, this even prevented the “playing doctor” and other forms of curiosity.

We covered their privates. We talked about honoring their privates and when they began to talk, we called body parts by their anatomically correct names. Why? Because believe or not, the labeling of women’s bodies begins the objectification process.  Boobies, ta-tas, titties,  all these phrases and even the ones related to the vagina, are part of a culture that separates a woman’s body from the total person. I know this is extreme to some. But we are honoring what God has made. Not what the culture dictates.

Yes there was awkward in the beginning.  For example, when Salem was three she came with me to the office and we ran into the Director of the Board. As he was walking away, she loudly asked, “Mommy does Mr. Mickey have  a penis?” Gasp. Gulp. “Yes he sure does honey. All boys do.”

She wasn’t embarrassed. So why was I?  I had told her that God made us differently and that it was beautiful. So why do we drag all this shame into our conversations with our kids. Sex is God’s idea. Let’s give Him glory even in this. He’s not embarrassed. So why should we be?

Okay this is all for today.  Lots more to come.

photo credit: artsmarts4kids.blogspot.com

 

 

 

Do you want to be free, or not?

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So yesterday morning my cat, Dante, brought  in a full grown chipmunk.

I heard the scrambling and the screeching and I ran to see it just in time as the poor chipmunk leaped from the cat’s mouth as Dante fumbled down the stairs.

(Why the cat felt the need to bring it downstairs is unclear and absurd. Getting in the cat door with a full grown animal is impressive enough, but down the stairs? Anyway…)

Immediately the other cat, Leonardo, and the dog, Lucy, were on high alert, sniffing and running after the poor creature who is also on high alert. The chipmunk is panicking and smelling and trying to find someplace to hide quickly. With a lunge, it ran behind the piano.

I am too am now on high alert. I put one cat in the bedroom and closed the door. I put the other cat upstairs. And closed the door. I put the dog in the crate and closed the door.

For the chipmunk…I opened the basement door. Wide open. Empty room with a open door

It did not budge.

I got a broom and tried to gently push it out from behind the piano so it can see the open door. See the freedom.  But the broom was too short.

And so we stood there. The chipmunk and I.  It was hiding and cowering. I was standing there waiting, hoping it would smell the scents of the freshly rained on morning and peek around the piano and see freedom.

“Okay buddy. It’s all on you. I have done all I can.”

I removed the obstacles. I opened the door. The rest was on the chipmunk.

Freedom is choice.

For the chipmunk. For us.

We can cower in fear all our lives. We can hide in dark places and feel sorry for ourselves.

Or we can peek around the corner and see that God has already bound our tormentors and has opened the door to freedom. Wide open. The rest is up to us.

Choose freedom today. Freedom from anxiety,  anger,  self pity and even sadness. There is a fresh newly rained on morning awaiting. All you have to do is go through the open door.

The chipmunk finally did. So can you.

 

Photo Credit: tellthemisaidsomething.com

 

 

The Happy God Who Cleans Your House

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Monday night, Vince Gibson led an open worship session at Fuse Church. It was rich and intense and wonder-full. The Spirit was heavy on us and among us.  At one point, Vince started asking  Jesus to take us to the “deepest parts” and to sweep away the darkness and the lies.

While we were singing “sweep through the deepest parts,” God granted me an incredible vision.

I saw Jesus sweeping through my “house”  and I knew in the spirit that we were inside my tabernacle, my dwelling place of God. But He was whistling and singing and smiling.  Think of the seven dwarves singing, “Whistle While You Work” in Snow White.  It was like that. Yes. Crazy.

As I watched Him, I laughed and shook my head, clearly this did not make sense.   “What’s He doing? Why is He so happy? I asked.

“There is no shame in your dirt anymore,”  the Spirit said at my side. “He has already paid for it. So He is happy to get it out.”

The Spirit and I stood there together for a moment watching Jesus playfully  sweep up dirt and debris with a broom and dustpan. If you can imagine, He was kind of dancing around and laughing. A crazy kind of joy welled up in my heart. I was relieved and exposed and freed all at the same time.

Then Jesus turned and looked at me with a huge smile and said, “I love your house. I love it when it’s clean.”JesusLaughing

Wow.  I haven’t been able to shake the joy on His face.

Who is this God that does not shirk from our sin nor does He hesitate to get into our souls and get His hands dirty?  What kind of God is so full of joy in our process of redemption?

Praise the name of Jesus.

Yes I know we are responsible for keeping our tabernacle worthy of His presence. But His joy moved me to tears.

Something shifts in these moments. Motive changes. Desire increases. Love abounds. I want to keep my life clean when I know that He loves my house so much. Courage grows when I grasp  He willingness to take out the darkness and dirt that I am afraid to even acknowledge.

What I am afraid to touch, He sweeps away Himself.

What a Savior. What a Friend. What Life-changing Joy.

 

 

 

“All the Lonely [Women]…Where do they all come from?”

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(Guys. Because most of you only need one friend, and a spare, you are excused from this conversation.  Unless you are married. Then you need to read this for your wife’s sake.)

Why do we do this to ourselves?  We are so lonely. We have this ache and groan for friendship, deep heart connections, spurring one another on…But it is so hard to make it happen. Why? I’m afraid the answer will not be easy going down.

As much as we want to have an excuse…we really don’t. We are lonely.  But I think we are lonely by choice.  Take a deep breath.  Keep reading.

My friend and I just said that we needed more community and we agreed that it was hard to do—hard to find. As I drove off, I thought to myself, ‘it’s hard to find community because I am so picky.”

How about you? (Be honest…)  We don’t like this group because they are immature. Or that group because they’re fake. This group because they are shallow. That group because they are so goody goody—too serious—too wild—too Christian—too old—too young. Really?

Oh my goodness… I make myself tired. And lonely. How about you?  Do you know the number one comment I hear from women who need community?

“Nobody gets me, it’s too risky.”

I used to think we were too busy, which we are, but the bigger issue is the self-made hurdles we construct to keep us in and others out. We are afraid of getting hurt. So we isolate and assume that “nobody cares about me.”  We use  these hurdles to make it impossible to connect: Children, work, church, husbands, homework, cleaning house.  I am guilty of many of these. And you?

IMG_2593Yes, those those things are valid and demand our investment,  but we make time for the things we truly want and need. Sounds crazy, but when I am out of toilet paper I tend to make time to get some. Why? It is way up on my crucial list of “got-to-have-it.” Then why do we go so long without friend connections?  We are women. We got to have friends. And generally, a lot of them.

I am hearing a verse surface in my spirit. “We love because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:19)   I wonder if that is our model for community?

We first love others and then they love us. That’s a novel idea. We do community to give love instead of to get love. “But how?” says my friend-deprived heart, “I am empty. Dried out. Needy.”

Uhm… that’s not what friends are for. That’s what Jesus is for.

Jesus is the friend who gives me help and worth and comfort.  The earthly friends are gifts from God to keep me and you company in the process and journey of life. They are icing on the cake. Not the cake.  I have received and given counsel and encouragement and laughter from many friends over the years. But not even a thousand earthly friends can fill the place reserved for Jesus.

So here are some action items.  I am talking to myself as well as to  you.

1) Stop feeling sorry for yourself.  You are not the only lonely, busy, misunderstood woman out there. Go to Jesus and look for His comfort. Then—

2) Reach out to someone. Not with a motive of what you are going to get, but reach out and bless someone. Pray for them and tell them you love them. Don’t put any obligations or demands on them to respond. Love others first just as Jesus loved you.  Watch how that starts coming back to you.

3) Purposely schedule some friend time in the very  near future. Make a date with a new friend, old friend or could be friend.  And then keep the date. How many women do I know who flake out at the last minute?  Unless you are in the ER, keep the friend date.

4) Get a list of women and start praying for them. When you get the “friend ache” let that be a trigger to pray. God will meet you in your need as you intercede for others.

5) Last one…humble yourself.  Stop discounting other people. If God lives in us all, then the people all around us are potential friends. Maybe not BFFs. But they are people that could walk a stretch of the journey with us. If we learned to savor people a little more, we might stop dismissing the opportunities that God is giving.

You know I am so glad my friend broke the ice today and glad she reached out to me.  She just spilled out through her tears that she needed some friendship.  I had no idea. But her comments  were like a shock treatment.  I kept thinking, “Me too!”   And I realize, I have a choice. So do you.

Let’s get out of that stuck place. And choose to be connected. We need each other.

 “Let us love one another, for love comes from God.” ( 1 John 4:7)

(Another thought:  if you don’t have any place to start, then come to  the “I Need More” Class on Tuesday, September 30th. It’s a great place to meet some diverse and wonderful women. I am honored to walk with them. )