Family

Seeing the Signs

/ Jana / Leave a comment

The Lord often stretches my listening skills. I think you know what I mean. He wants to know if our antennae are up and active. Are our ears tuned to hear and move with Him? I shared about our recent refining fire and wanted to tell you the next step in that journey, as well as a fun game with the Lord. 

After I released  the very tender story about Trust and Joy, God provided quite miraculously. From completely unexpected places. It’s not all magical and wonderful now, like a cheap sitcom. But It is a beautiful next step in our faith and His care. I can’t help but  wonder if the two are connected—the vulnerable blog and His provision. Was God waiting for us to hit bottom and be honest about it, so He could blow our mind? 

I mean— money is a raw topic. Like sex and politics, it is booby-trapped with shame and judgement and oughts. Yet, God is so above all that. He is ever, always, and perfectly leading us into more and more of His love and wisdom. The pursuit of more is why we share about of all of life, even the ugly, messy, parts, because there is no area that God is not with us. 

Here is one takeaway from our present journey.
Miracles come into the weakest places. 

If you or I have it handled, we don’t need God.
He is re-writing my hard drive about dependence on Him. Again. 

Sometimes what mankind calls failure, God calls freedom.

Now, on a lighter note, when I was first learning to hear from God outside of the Bible, He highlighted billboards. Literally as I was going down the road, a billboard would catch my eye, or I would feel pulled toward a phrase. 

We haven’t played that game in years, but as we were driving to and from Knoxville, including in my own Gulf Breeze area, God started pinging me with billboards. The following is a beautiful message. You literally can’t make this sh#t up. He is so funny.

Grow with us
We’re here for you
Shelter strong
That’s gold.

Best gift is time together
Search. Book. Go.

Because your foundation is cracked
Rest your wings
Three spaces. One powerful experience

Become a history maker
You are bigger than this moment

Redefine your staycation
Window world, We’ll get you ready
We see you dream chaser

Jesus is Lord
Small steps. Big change.

We see you and we’ve got you
Building dreams, Sustaining waters

This is loaded with meaning for me, it corresponds to words, scriptures and prayers. I love not only that He is with us but that He TALKS with us any way He chooses. Listen for Him. He has a lot on His mind. 

He is already planning for your 2025. So listen as He shares His heart with you.

Trust or Bust

/ Jana / Leave a comment

Chuck and I started the year out with two interesting words: Subtraction and Surprises. Twelve months later let me tell you it’s been quite a ride.

Chuck has gone through this beautiful journey with the Lord about clarifying purpose and clearing processes. He has shared with me how the Lord keeps using the Subtraction word to reveal false props and calling him to a deeper dependence. Busy work has been replaced with discernment and wisdom.

For me, the Surprises word has been a tenuous journey, moving from dread and bracing for the worst, to a challenge that He has good for me no matter what I see, no matter the outcome. Then we started hearing prophetic words and scriptures about a new season coming soon.

Yes, Lord. Do it.

Sounds delightful, yes? Uhmm that’s a hard no. 

We soon became ‘surprised by the subtraction’ as our comfort zones, our bank accounts and security blankets dwindled down to nothing. We prayed fervent prayers to quiet the raging fear in our hearts. 

“Any time Lord. Just anytime you want to ‘surprise’ us with a new season, we are ready.” This became a daily prayer.

He had other plans. Doesn’t He always??

To be frank, I am releasing this testimony while I am still in the middle of the squeeze. God is trying to give us all an upgrade. He who has ears, let him hear.

During one of our morning prayer times, the Lord said, “I am trying to give you something.”

And I said, “What I need is money to pay my bills.”

In my spirit, I saw Him clear everything off my table, the Spicka bills, the GT bills, our kids’ needs, our retirement needs, and medical needs. All my little piles of needs, wants, and desires, He swept off with His hand and dropped this big word in the middle of the table with a thud.

“I am giving you Joy. And I don’t want you to confuse it with anything else, or have it attached to anything or anyone else.”

In a moment, in a way only the Spirit can reveal, I saw that joy had become what I could see or calculate or depend on. Joy was what I did, what I had, not a Person.

Because Holy Spirit is so smart and so sneaky, Chuck also began having separate revelations. God was changing his word to TRUST. He revealed to Chuck that his trust was high as long as bills were paid, he could do what he wanted, when he wanted. But when the bank account dipped, or sales dipped then Chuck’s trust dipped also. 

The Lord showed Chuck his trust was in Chuck’s production, in our ability to save and steward, not the Lord. Ouch.

Before you say you understand, let me stop you with a little story to demonstrate real trust.

Chuck and I have been wonderfully trained in money management. We know how to trust God in finances, tithing, giving, and saving. We’ve done Dave Ramsey. We understand and practice Kingdom generosity. We have taught the theory of and actually given our 5 loaves and 2 fishes.

This was a next-level spiritual deposit. Joy for me. Trust for Chuck.

But before it could be deposited, we found out, everything had to be withdrawn. 

We tried several money-making endeavors, only to have the Lord point to each one and say “no, no, and no.” We considered selling our cars or our house. The Lord quickly told us that these were His gifts to us. Our striving and finagling were not the same as Trust and Joy.

We wrangled with confession and repentance thinking God was displeased with us since our finances had dried up. With kindness, the Lord corrected us that we do not live under the law. No need for bartering or performance. He was for us. His goodness was still with us. All the visions of being in the promised land were still true. We were in His hands.

“Not by might. Not by power. But by My Spirit…” He whispered.

Then came another test. Our latest trip to Knoxville. As my friend Lindsey says, Oh Boy…

We needed gas money and food money for 10 days in Knoxville. We had $189 in our checking account. For reference, these trips usually cost us at least $1000. 

To be clear this isn’t what we had left after all the bills were paid, this was after we called our creditors and said we couldn’t pay this month.

I asked the Lord, should we ask for help? 

Because He is so funny, He took me to a house where I lived in 2002. He showed me a book I was reading. The Lord said, “Jana, you once said you wanted the faith of George Mueller and Hudson Taylor.”

I remembered the exact moment He referenced. Evidently, God remembered too. Weakly, I protested, “I do Lord. Still.”

“Well, those men had nothing and believed I would provide.”

So we headed to Knoxville with $189.

Ten days later, we praised the Lord for His kindness and generosity. We only paid for 3 meals the entire time. Without us saying a word, people offered, ‘Hey it’s my treat.’ Or, ‘I’m buying this time.’ That happens on occasion when we travel, but definitely not to this extent. Chuck and I marveled over the difficulty but the beauty of these gifts of Trust and Joy.

I am not sure if this is related, but before we came home to Florida, I had a disturbing dream about my oldest daughter. That is for another time, but at the end of that dream, I felt this deep weight fall down on me. It was a divine heavy peace. 

I saw my table again. My little piles of needs and desires. With Joy still sitting in the middle of the table, and now this heavy blanket of peace, I realized I wasn’t afraid anymore. I looked at my own bills, GT bills, my kids, my friends, my future. All fear was gone.

I woke up and tried to explain all this to Chuck. In this sacred space, we felt like God gave us clarity for coming days.

A couple of days later, on a Wednesday, we drove to Florida, now with $72 in our account, enough for gas and snacks. We pondered Trust and Joy and this heavy peace. Chuck had an amazing phone call on the way home for an unexpected opportunity. We knew the Lord had divinely orchestrated this connection.

He checked email once home and there was an unexpected rebate on the way. Thank you Lord.

But Thursday morning hit and so did the old attacks. What do we do for Christmas for our kids? How do we get out of this hole we are in? What if the creditors don’t agree to deferment? Lord, help?

Then I received a message from a friend I don’t talk to that often. She did not know our situation. She simply said: I’ve been praying for you. I have a word.

Deep breath. I asked her to send it.

“Double down on trust. It’s trust or bust.”

Boom. 

Chuck and I immediately began to pray and thank the Lord. “Lord You alone know and see all our ways. You stir your people to intercede. We will guard the deposits You have given. We receive Trust and Joy. We honor the peace You have given. We believe You more than our circumstances.”

All along these last 12 months, God has been so faithful in sending us encouragement, devotions, words from friends, memories of promises, and scripture that fed us like manna. Daily bread from the goodness of His heart.

What is the rest of the story? We don’t know yet. 

This we do know.

Christmas has become very precious without the pressure of presents. 

Joy and trust in God is not the same thing as security in money. 

Every moment we must choose where our hearts will live, this world or the Kingdom. 

Fear is a demonic toy that I don’t need to play with, tolerate, or live in anymore.

We are doubling down on trust. Not hunkered down in fear or resignation. But doubling down trusting the goodness of God. His everlasting love. His ability to change things in a moment. He doesn’t waste anything. I want His presence more than I want my delusion of security.

Our saga is to be continued… but I leave you with this from Luke 12. I received Luke 12 in May of this year. The Lord has directed me to different parts of that chapter over and over in different moments.

Be carefree in the care of God. We are going to Trust or bust.

Thanks, Mom.

/ Jana

Today I licked the icing off the beaters and said out loud to no one, “Thanks, Mom.”

Thanks for letting me lick the beaters from so many cakes and icings as a child. It’s one of those traditions I passed on. And there are no children around me to fight over who gets the spatula and who gets the beater, but still, I remember.

Thanks, Mom, for teaching me the “why” to cook. I had to learn the “how” to cook after a left her home, but what I learned was the love expressed through a homemade spread of favorite dishes. To be honest, I know I don’t cook the way she did. In fact, her frequent thing to say when eating the Jana version of her dishes was “well, it’s different.”

Yes, that is a kiss of death from the judges. Smile.

But now, making my dishes, still differently than hers and laughing as I hear her kiss of death comment, I am grateful. To know that more than one way can still be the right way. To know that I can honor her recipes and methods on some die-hard dishes like Thanksgiving dressing and cornbread, and to know that I can discover my own flair with equal success.

Thanks, Mom for the beauty of folks gathered around a table. These days my table is filled with friends more than family. It is a happy and a sad reality.  The changing seasons take getting used to, but she taught me, without ever saying a word, that Jesus loves to hang out and dine with friends. Some of my hardest and most tender conversations have been over a well-prepared meal.

I wonder sometimes if every time we dine, we re-enact the Lord’s supper. Bread, drink, friends.

Thanks, Mom. I understand better why you cried when you made Granny’s coconut cake the first Christmas without her. I did the same thing with your beef stew and oatmeal cookies. And yet we cook. Because we love. Because we remember. Because it’s worth the effort.

Thanks, Mom.

Resurrecting Motherhood: Value

/ Jana

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Resurrecting Motherhood. Just the words strung together send a tingle down my spine. And yet it is the rumbling that began in my spirit three years ago? Frankly, I just haven’t had the courage to do anything to release it. And now, in the quarantined days of April 2020, I see the time is here and the I also see the very big Why.

So in the strength God gives, let’s begin a journey of Resurrecting Motherhood.

Today’s topic is Value.

What do you value?

Ask any woman or mom that question and we would rattle off various answers. But most of those answers would revolve around people.

We are relational at our core. It’s in our spiritual DNA. Think of how women nurture, work behind the scenes, coach and counsel in countless conversations, spark connection, make things hum and whistle.

Hmmm. . .this sounds like Holy Spirit, but we will come back to that.

Women are wired for relationship. So then. Ahem. Here we are today and our kids/ husbands/homes are DRIVING US FREAKING CRAZY. lol But seriously.

I really don’t think it is Too Much time together.

I think it is Too Little connection being finally revealed.

Did I mention that this journey might be a bit difficult? Just stay with me. God is taking us somewhere.

And our first bite of truth is about Value.

Lately, I’ve heard mom’s say honest and powerful truths:

I don’t know who I am now. My identity has been stripped.

I see my family doesn’t really like each other very much.

In my own house, and heart, I have been confronted with we don’t really know each other. 

All of these, and so many more, have been flushed up by the shelter-at-home orders. God has a funny way of working, doesn’t He?

And just now, in the moment, the Spirit whispers, where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Have you read Matthew 6 lately. I just read it again. The Lord’s Prayer. The teaching on fasting. The teaching on giving. The teaching on serving God and mammon. Uhmm it’s loaded.

But I want to pay attention to this verse today:

19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

22 “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy,[c] your whole body will be full of light. 23 But if your eyes are unhealthy,[d] your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!

God is telling us where His idea of value is. Heaven. Heaven’s ways. What does heaven value, treasure? People. Not bank accounts. Not houses. Not stuff. People.

When your kids say “Mom” for the billioneth time, when they spill it AGAIN, when you just need a moment to be alone, when you need a hug or a cry or a scream. . . you don’t need a sappy tidbit. You need a divine truth. Lean back into His Divine Presence.

He treasures YOU! He will show you how to treasure your kids.

And today, I want you to see the verse right before this passage:
“your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”

He sees. He knows. He will provide you with what you need, moment by moment, if you will value what He values. He values relationship. He highly values connection. He has entrusted you with TODAY with your children and family. Keep your eye on Him today breathing in this prayer,

“Spirit, my ever-present Parent, you understand what is means to be with your kids 24/7. In the same way that You love me non-stop, without running away, or crushing me, strengthen me to love my kids. Give me the desire to be connected to them the way You desire to be connected to me. Thank You for seeing and rewarding my effort. Amen.”