You know you need grace when you get into those situations where you become frighteningly silent for fear of vomiting venom all over yourself, the offending person and the people standing within 10 feet of you.
That happened to me this morning. I didn’t even look at her for fear that fire-breathing dragons would burst from my eyes and burn her up on the spot.
But after I walked away from the moment, the Lord showed me these scenarios are also good indicators of other things besides grace:
A) God is teaching me self-control.
B) God is setting me up to flush places in my heart that need healing.
C) He is using ME to heal, repair, and convict someone else.
Another possible solution is that He is doing D) all of the above. Not funny, fun or entertaining. At all.
For the sake of social instruction… if you don’t KNOW a person well enough to already KNOW the facts, don’t ask if she is pregnant. Unless she has on a “baby on board” T-shirt, or like message, don’t go there. Not ever. Ever. Just because someone has a pudge, don’t ask, “How far along are you?” Believe it or not, there are about 100 body shapes between anorexic and pregnant. Why do we go from model thin to “with child”? Look around; there are lots and lots of body styles in between these two points on the spectrum. The last time I had a flat belly, I was 8. It is socially ridiculous to assume someone is with child because they have a roll. Can I be more clear? If you haven’t heard through the grapevine, if you don’t see a baby falling out of her uterus, if you don’t see some book for new mommies nearby, don’t ask.
For the sake of spiritual conviction…why did that bother me so badly that I couldn’t even respond? And what is the appropriate response?
It bothered me so badly because it was like a contest had occurred and I lost. She was thin and attractive and her question was like a judgment that I was not. I let her definition shake up my heart. And appropriate? Proverbs says “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.” How about a response like, “What an odd question. Why would you feel the freedom to ask that?”
Instead of being honest, I withdrew. Instead of standing in my beauty as God sees it, I hung my head in shame. That really hurt, but instead of being straightforward, I froze in the name of some Christian, Southern, love your neighbor BS.
Why do we shy away from letting people know how we feel? Are only good feelings, happy, holy feelings allowed? I don’t think so.
Today has been a good, good day by being such a bad one. But here are my God take-aways:
Truth: I belong to my Lover and His desire is for me (round belly and all). Don’t give in to social stupidity when it comes to weight, beauty and fashion.
Truth: If you don’t know, don’t ask. Ever.
Truth: Speak the truth, even when it hurts. Maybe it will stop the insensitive person from continuing to ask foolish questions of others.
Truth: Grace is not the same thing as silence.
Blessings on all you round-bellied women! And you flat-bellied ones, too!
Shazaaaam!!! You are beautiful and that was awesome!!
So sorry you had to endure that, dear friend. Maybe sometime soon when the sting has mellowed, you can approach her and gently instruct her. This story and what she asked has nothing to do with you and who you are but everything to do with her. Love you
That happened to me at work in the elevator one day… talk about awkward… Try having to ride in a 6×6 box with someone who pissed you off and embarrassed you at the same time and not having anywhere to escape. Too, she didn’t even ask if I was pregnant, she assumed I was and asked when I was due? I mean really? I guess its true what they say when people “assume” things… It makes an “ass” out of “u” and “me”.
I hate to say it but that just opened a whole other can of worms… I need grace for people that offend me daily. I try not to be easily offended but it just happens and I am left with trying to figure out a way to react to it… Is something wrong with me? God, help me not to be so defensive. It’s not that I walk around with a chip on my shoulder, but the fact is it hurts… Caleb’s aunt always says, “hurting people, hurt poeple.”
Teach me what unconditional love really is and show me how to communicate it in a way that can be clearly preceived. But God most of all, I need your unconditional love and understanding. I need you to accept me and love on me when I’m up and down.
It’s all about perspective and we have to keep that in mind. My friend’s 3 yr. old recently told me that I “had a baby in there.” while she lifted my shirt. I’m 54. I weighed 30 lbs. less when there WAS a baby in there
I have always looked older than my years and have adapted: I’ve been receiving the Senior discount most places for 6 or 7 years.
What people think of me doesn’t matter. What I think of myself does. Yes, it’s offensive sometimes when people comment. But it doesn’t change who I am or what the Lord loves about me.